Bullying in college - likely?

[Acatrui]

My grandson has just turned 17 on Sunday and is starting college next Monday. He has induction days tomorrow and Friday but ill be taking him and picking him up. He lives with me and his dad and we've had many issues with him but I'm really hoping college goes well. He was so against it because my son promised they'd move where they used to live and he could start college there, obviously this hasn't happened and he's reluctantly agreed to go. He's still saying he doesn't want to make any friends but the ones where they used to live aren't being very nice toward him and are leaving him out of things etc.

I suspect he's autistic (like my son) but he doesn't want to know so I think applying for an EHCP would be a struggle. I'm also worried about his MH, his eating because of comments his friends made when they were here and he self harms and threatens suicide regularly usually to get things though like a new PC but I am worried in case he actually needs it. He smokes weed etc so I am hoping college will get him into a routine. He's not been in a classroom in well over a year due to school refusal. He was having a tutor and going to school on a reduced timetable in Y10 but then he suddenly refused both and didn't go the entire year 11 (last year).

He's told us he's worried about going on the bus because it's a new place but my son has offered to go with him the first day if he wants. He sort of agreed then said what if people laugh at him because he's 17 etc. Then that spiralled into a full on panic about being bullied, he's gay but he doesn't talk about it and has said he won't be coming out to anyone but it might be obvious because he likes anime, hates sport but does like gaming. He doesn't wear branded clothes with massive logos across or anything like that which is another worry for him, I was going to offer to take him shopping but at the same time that's sort of suggesting he needs to change himself so I haven't yet.

He does like gaming and LEGO which will be a common interest if he does decide to make friends and I've told him this but then he said he’ll annoy them by talking about the same thing like he did with his current friends (they haven't said this but he thinks there pulling away from him and he doesn't know why or what he's done). He has no friends here at the minute it was those friends or online.

The course is a foundation course, maths and English with a choice of 3 vocational subjects to sample. We went to the college yesterday and sorted it out and luckily they did have a space. I think they said they mostly have people on it with an EHCP but agreed it would be best for him and it wasn't a requirement.
I'm just wondering how common bullying is and what I can do to help him? My son was bullied in school but he enjoyed college a lot more and wasn't bullied there at all but I'm aware things mightve changed and he's been through a lot so I just want this to go well for him

Bump

I hope this is where he turns his life around, he’s been an absolute nightmare in your home for so long.

There’s bullying in whatever place you study or work at.

I have a late teen son and he doesn’t like clothes with big logos and nor do his friends. His shoes however are firmly logoed because he cares about trainers. He picks colours like black as do the majority round here.

My son loves gaming and enjoys Lego in themes that interest him like cars (motor vehicles not the Pixar film) He has them displayed in his room and will be getting another set for Christmas. He likes learning about how things work and Lego is good for people who think like that.

My son enjoyed how college treated him a lot more grown up than at school and found the staff more interesting because they could talk about the world of work more than his school teachers who would know more about uni. He enjoyed the course that he did and for the first time ever, studied for assessments because he found the material interesting.

I am hoping it goes well but I'm worried about if it doesn't in case it makes his behaviour worse. I'm worried about the adjustment too as he's not been in q classroom for well over a year and all he's done in that time is game really minus the few times he's been out with friends when they've visited

He usually wears t shirts with pictures on etc but doesn't wear brands like Nike or anything. I think he's worried about sticking out and being seen as childish. He doesn't act 16/17 which could possibly be because of the autism I suspect or the trauma as his mum was neglectful. He's still saying he doesn't want to make friends, I think he just wants to blend in with the rest of the people on his course.

I think clear conversations have to be had that he either has to be in work, education or training so he gives this at least six months proper chance. College should be more accepting of different ‘tribes’ than school was.

I guess your son did get evicted if he’s now back with you too. Ideally they’ll move out somewhere together but I fear you’re stuck with them both now.

(I don’t mean to sound uncaring but I’ve read pretty much all your previous threads and honestly can’t see how you can live like this much longer!)

I do think it's a plus that they'll all be in the same boat with not knowing anyone, I think one of his biggest worried is the fact he's gay and potential homophobia etc as he never talks about his sexuality and I don't think he's fully accepted it especially after his mum not accepting him. I don't think he will be at risk of homophobia but maybe I'm naive, its just he doesn't want anyone knowing at all and being worried they'll guess iyswim.

My son has been looking at places still and I'm hoping grandson will go and live with him this time

I think ‘hoping’ he goes and lives with dad is too passive, OP. Give Dad a deadline where they need to be out. Dad needs to be looking at places where grandson can go too. He takes all his gaming stuff and furniture from his room at yours and moves out.

You’ve done so much for so long. I’m afraid I think that’s why there aren’t many replies, readers are probably frustrated at giving advice by now, only to see you post again weeks later in exactly the same boat.

If it is a foundation course and most have an EHCP then there will be a lot of struggling kids and he won't stand out.
He is more likely to find people who understand him and his difficulties.

However everyone is likely to have their own quirks some of which may prove annoying to him. He'll need to find ways to cope/ignore as needed.

No one will care he is 17.

(My own DD in a similar situation takes herself off in breaks, puts headphones on and listens to music to decompress. She was also allowed headphones when doing independent work.)

There is a BTEC thread on the Further Education board that may be of interest.