Mum’s ‘jokes’

[TipsyPlumUser]

I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive but last week, when I spoke to my mum on the phone at a low point, I told her how I’ve been so low lately I’ve been having dark thoughts, that I have PTSD, that I’m struggling with my weight and that I also struggle with keeping on top of things like housework consistently.

It was my birthday at the weekend and she said I should visit her today. I’m just home. While I was there, she made jokes about my weight, pointed out a sign about ‘housework is the sign of wasted life’ and shouted across the shop how she’s going to get that for my kitchen (she never visits us so has no idea), and then my little girl said something to her that could possibly have been taken the wrong way and my mum said ‘grandma’s got ptsd now and will have to get counselling.’

Am I being ridiculous/over thinking it?

if I say anything to her about it she’ll say ‘don’t be so bloody ridiculous, I’m only joking’ and make out that I’m being silly.

She clearly isn't someone you should be confiding in. I would seek support elsewhere.

I've got a mum like that. She would get very angry and aggressive when I didn't play along with her 'jokes' ie cruel insults. We don't really have a relationship now (nor do my siblings with her) so I'm not sure if yours can be salvaged, it depends on your particular situation, but you need firm boundaries and zero entertaining of mockery/putdowns. You will get a lot of 'oh lighten up,' 'it's just a joke,' but don't budge on your boundaries and you will either have improved behaviour or she will distance herself.

No you are definitely not over thinking it. No way has she just coincidentally managed to belittle you about every single thing you have told her you’re struggling with. I’d ask yourself why she is actively trying to make your mental health worse when you have told her you’re having dark thoughts. If my daughter had told me that I’d have offered to be round her house in a heartbeat, doing anything I can to try and ease the burden on her. Not taking the piss out of her under the guise of ‘jokes’

How old is your mum? What I’ve noticed with my mum is now she’s older (in her 70’s) she just comes out with the most insensitive, unthoughtful comments about anyone or anything and it can be embarrassing.
However to comment on anyone’s weight is out of order. Try not to think too much about it, it’s the family under your roof that are most important xx

Really sorry that you are in such a bad place.

Your mum is being incredibly insensitive and unkind. I can't imagine saying things like that to someone who needed support and I loved.

She isn't the mother you deserve or need, it might be better for your mental health if you went very low contact with her for a while...

Yanbu, she knew exactly what she was doing

Just dont speak to her about your struggles anymore, she doesn't care

How some mums can be like this, I don't know.

Sorry girl xx

She’s plain nasty!

I bet if you look back, she’s got form for these sort of shitty comments. You need love and compassion, not sarcasm. I’d dial it back as far as you’re able with her, at least until you’re feeling firmer on your feet, and then it might be worth assessing what positivity she brings to your life.

If she wasn’t your mum I don’t think you would want to spend time with anyone who had spoken to you like that so clearly it was nasty, mean minded behaviour.

Only you can decide whether or not you can tolerate it in the longterm.

Decades ago I cut my grandmother out for being utterly horrible.

In addition to a variety of hurtful personal remarks and general criticism she would embarrass me at work, run me down to any of my friends she happened to encounter and regularly told all my personal business to her neighbours or random strangers she sat next to on the bus.

When she felt I wasn’t dancing to her tune anymore she started sending me awful letters telling me quite what a bad person I was etc.

My husband used to open them for me (just to scan in case there was actually something I needed to know) because I couldn’t bear to read them after the first one.

Finally I cut all contact when we moved house and I changed jobs so she couldn’t get her claws into me.

It was a great relief.