To go for an evening job

[Emeraldiisland]

I gave up work over a year ago to look after DS who is severely autistic. He was okay at nursery but school were worried about coping so he started on a, reduced timetable (he's still on a reduced timetable but does more hours).
I would quite like to go back to work. I don't know if a day time job would be practical as DS has lots of appointments and DD2 suffers from seizures frequently meaning I have to pick her up but I could work evenings.
DH doesn't want me to and I'm not really sure why. He says I'm already tired and will be more tired if I go back to work, that we won't see each other much and that if I'm really desperate for money he can do overtime.
He can't get that it's not about money. It's about me having some time to not be just a mum but to actually be me.
He won't stop me working but equally he won't support me either. He tells me he's worried about me spreading myself too thin but it feels controlling.

Before people say go for the job, would you really ignore your partners wishes. So bearing that in mind :
AIBU to say fuck it and go for an evening job?

What does not supporting you look like? I was in a similar position and did adult education courses. Perhaps start one of the upcoming ones and take things from there?

Do you think it's because he doesn't want to do solo parenting to your disabled child?

I can't see any other reason really.

Have you a job lined up? How many hours an evening is it and how many days?

Ultimately it should be your choice of course.

When will he work the overtime? That will also result in him not seeing you surely?

Financially you are better off having x2 earners in the house as you both have a tax-free allowance, I don’t know what tax band your husband is in but his overtime would be taxed minimum 20%, max 60% (in the 100-125k band when you lose personal allowance). So your pay would be totally tax free. I’m guessing your husband just doesn’t want to deal with the stresses or dinner / clear up and bedtime for x2 children solo. Which is fair enough but I would put my foot down on this one. Why should he work and you can’t.. (said as a SAHM desperate to go back to work and stuck in the housekeeper / childcare role for what feels like forever!!!)

If you don’t go back, please make sure you have complete transparency on finances, you are joint on the mortgage and he doesn’t give you an ‘allowance’ / has all the money in his name. Do you also have a pension?

"He says I'm already tired and will be more tired if I go back to work, that we won't see each other much and that if I'm really desperate for money he can do overtime."

Honestly, these sound like perfectly valid concerns to me, and not controlling. Of course, only you know your husband and marriage, so I could be wide of the mark. However, going off to do evening work after spending most of the day with a young child with additional needs does sound exhausting, and I am honestly struggling to see how it could be a good idea. I 100% agree you should get time to yourself, but can't you spend your evenings on leisure activities rather than work?