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How best to go about memory clinic app with resistant, unwell mum?

1 reply

champagneandfrenchfancies · 03/09/2025 13:48

The backstory is that my mum is suffering from a CFS leak that I believe has caused her significant cognitive decline over the past year.

She lives alone and does not leave the flat. She’s having accidents. She’s surviving off a couple of potato cakes a day despite having food in the fridge. She’s misplacing money. Etc etc. All v dire.

She has been hospitalised twice but refuses to attend any follow up appointments as she doesn’t believe there is anything wrong with her. She will not allow me LPA, or for her GP to exchange information with me. She gets very angry at the idea of being treated like a ‘mad old lady’.

It turns out that the memory clinic have been scheduling appointments with her but she is cancelling them. After speaking with them, they’ve agreed to come to her flat tomorrow but have left it up to me whether to give her notice or not.

If I don’t give her notice, she might not be awake and I might not be able to let us in.

If I tell her in advance, there’s a strong possibility that she will put the bolt on and we won’t be able to get in anyway.

3rd option is to lie to her and say that I just want to come over for a brew or something. But 9 times out of 10 she won’t let me in anyway.

So basically, help! What should I do? This is all new to me and I didn’t expect to be in this position in my early 30s.

OP posts:
catofglory · 03/09/2025 13:55

I wouldn't tell her in advance.

I would try the third option, going over yourself. Go earlier in the hope you manage to get inside by the time of the appointment.

It is possible that when the doctor arrives she will refuse to cooperate anyway, but you can try to get them through the door!

Your can only do your best, and you have to always bear in mind there will be a limit to how much you can help. My mother was cooperative but I still had to engage in subterfuge to get her the help she needed.

Good luck!

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