Resentment to my parents

[Scouse94]

I have an 8 week old baby who is amazing and I’m lucky to have a very supportive husband. I have had some issues with feeding - poor supply, bottle preference etc which was very difficult at the start but we have persevered and found a way to make it work.
My issue is my own mum and dad. I have always had a good relationship with them and they were so excited when I told them I was pregnant. Since having the baby, I’ve had so much resentment and annoyance towards them. They were very over bearing at the start turning up unannounced etc. My mum has been helpful in that she would come to mine and help with housework, whereas my dad sits in my living room, watching tv, talking about depressing topics on the news while I have been struggling to feed and generally feeling vulnerable. He has had no awareness of how unhelpful he has been.
My mum keeps saying things like ‘give your dad the baby to burp and you can do X Y Z’ , asif trying to force me to give my dad jobs to do. They have brought up multiple times about me leaving the baby with them even although I have made it clear I am not ready to leave him. I feel like they should know the best place for the baby and for me is together instead of trying to force me to leave him. My mum often acknowledges she is saying things that come across as interfering but hasn’t stopped.
I know this all sounds so trivial but my resentment is overwhelming me and I can feel myself snapping and being unkind. I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with them and I think telling them my feelings would do that.
Has anyone been through anything similar that can offer advice ?

This is quite a big change in your relationship, it’s very early and you’re exhausted. Everything my mum said irritated me at this stage.

Both you and they haven’t adjusted to the fact that you’re the matriarch now. Nobody can make you leave your baby if you don’t want to. It sounds like a leftover of being their child that when they say ‘oh do this’ part of you still feels like you have to come up with a reason not to do it! You don’t, you can ignore it, or make a joke.., ‘oh it’s bossy grandma again”. And you can tell them what to do. “Dad, talk about something cheerful or go out for a walk, I’ve had enough about Ukraine.’ Or ‘I’m going to feed, could you go outside for a bit?’

You won’t ruin the relationship. But it will change. Don’t bite your tongue too much.

Be yourself and they need to adapt - if they don’t then let them leave. You’re the one going through a massive life change and everything that comes with it. I’m 9 months postpartum and still utterly annoyed by my parents. Can you tell them exactly what help you want?

Try to savour the times with your baby, they shouldn’t be taking so much from you emotionally (I understand though as had it myself)

If your Mum says that sort of thing re your Dad, can you say “actually, could you (DD) do xyz and I’ll burp baby?”

Could you explain that you don’t need help with the baby but with everything else, so that you can focus on the baby? And that it’s not a good idea to come round unannounced because you need to catch up on sleep?

Yes, this. You need to communicate clearly what you want, OP. Tell them when to visit. Tell them what you would like them to do when they visit. Tell them when to leave. Thank them when they do.