Should i take this up with the parents or teachers?

[whatafineday]

Sorry not really an AIBU. Posting here for traffic. Need advice and perspectives on how best to handle this situation.

DD in primary school and for the past year a girl (lets call her Hannah) has decided that DD is her best friend. Which means Hannah follows DD everywhere, forbidding DD from playing with other girls, and even telling others that DD thinks them mean and rude so other girls have stopped playing with DD. And whenever DD tries to avoid her, she tells the teacher that DD is rude.

I am aware of some of this but only found out about the alienation trick and the teacher thing today. One of the girls told DD about it - after they ran into each other in the playground and spent some time together.

How should I approach this?

DD is very upset. I told her not to play with Hannah but she answered weakly that she would then have nobody to play with and Hannah would tell the teacher that she's rude and she doesnt want to get into trouble.

DD doesnt enjoy playing with Hannah by the way. They are very different in character. DD is uber active, loves running around. Whereas Hannah is precious.. DD got told off by Hannah's mum one time for scaling up a climbing frame as she shouldnt do anything that Hannah couldnt join in - Hannah is afraid of height and her mum too protective. So no more climbing in playground when the two of them are around. I also received a full on lecture on parenting once, as the mum disapproved of DD behaving like a boy.

Hannah and DD only became close after the former's best friend moved school.

Its unfair for DD to be put under pressure to pander to Hannah and to lose friendship because of her lies.

How should I resolve this?

Straight to school.

I agree speak to the teacher. I hate that some children do the alienation thing and I also wouldn't be having Hannahs mum tell me what my dd could play on.

Teach your daughter some strategies to try, maybe use role play.
Talking to the teacher would also be reasonable but realistically they will have lots of other issues to deal with and won’t be there all the time at lunch/break - they can try and encourage different friendships but can’t force it.

She’s a bully. School definitely ASAP.

You speak to school and tell them in no uncertain terms that this child is manipulating your daughter and it needs to stop. IME that particular type of apple never falls far from the tree, so expecting the parents to resolve it is usually pointless and may end up making things worse.

Teacher definitely.

Hannah sounds really insecure. I'd be concerned about her.

School immediately. I remember at school helping to hide a girl (Katy) in a climbing frame - we made a wall of children around her. The reason being if the bully girl (Sara) saw Katy dare not to play with her she would go to the teacher and tell her that Katy had called her names.

Sara saw Katy despite our efforts and said im telling - poor Katy burst into tears and begged and pleaded and played with her.

Honestly things never change. There will always be bullying bitches.

I'd speak to the teacher for sure

Always go to the school, not the parent, for this kind of thing. Also, from what you’ve said of the mum, she isn’t going to take the conversation well and is going to push the blame onto your daughter rather than acknowledge her own child’s bad behaviour.

School, first thing in the morning. Tell the teacher you want DD separated from Hannah and encourage othwr friendships for dd. Teacher should also make lunch time supervisors aware.

My son had this in Y1 with a girl who acted very similar to Hannah. The teacher was brilliant when I spoke to her about it. She told my son to respond to all Hannas threats of telling the teacher with a 'that's ok hannah'.

That way the fear of being in trouble with the teacher will disappear. Speak to her in the morning, with your dd if you can.

Hanna is a manipulative little madam