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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Change of nursery

2 replies

politicomama · 02/09/2025 22:19

Advice would be appreciated but
this is mostly an attempt to get my feelings off my chest - I’ve been crying all day, and do feel a bit pathetic about this situation, but I can’t seem to stop feeling like this.

I moved to London just over a year ago to start a new job. I was very heavily pregnant (LO is now 11 months old) and my
husband was pretty preoccupied with a new business he’d just set up - so, we had a lot going on!

There was a nursery that we liked the look of at the time, but couldn’t get a space in - the receptionist basically told me I should have applied before becoming pregnant! - so we put our names on the waiting list, and found a place at a different nursery, run by the same company. I was very nervous and upset when my LO started there at 6 months old (I’d never been parted from her!) but needn’t have worried: the team at the
nursery have been amazing with her, just
so attentive and she’s come on in leaps and bounds. She’s loved being there. They even nicknamed her ‘the happy baby’. It’s so obvious they’ve paid a lot of attention to what she likes and her development.

About an month ago, a place we’d originally wanted at the other nursery unexpectedly became available. I went back and forth a lot in my mind about whether to move her when she was doing so well.

I decided to do it, in the end - this new nursery is 5 minutes from my office, and we’d really liked it originally. It seemed like too good an opportunity to miss. I’ve done two ‘visit’ sessions with her - 2 and a half hours, where I’ve stayed each time - and (you can see this coming a mile off) but I’m so upset: I think I’ve made the wrong decision.

She clung to me the whole time, barely acknowledged her new key worker, the new nursery is much smaller, no garden (she
loved the garden at her old place), there are just three other kids in the baby room -
I’m not actually sure what made it so tricky
to get a place in - it’s so quiet, and one of
the other babies keeps grabbing toys from her hands. I am not keen on the staff - I’m just
not as comfortable with them, perhaps,
as the ones I’ve got to know.

As I’ve read back through that, they seem like really minor things - but they’re not, to me. I will keep trying to tell myself it makes little difference to her at 11 months old - but I really preferred the old setting, and feel like I’ve spoilt a really good part of our lives.

I told the manager of the new nursery that I wasn’t sure about bringing our
LO in for her settling in days, and she
phoned the manager of the old nursery (as mentioned, they are part of the same
company) who said they now have no places there until Easter. I had it in my
head that she might be able to go back.

I have just cried and cried about this - I know I can’t think like this, and she needs to be in nursery so I can work - we don’t have another option - but all I can think of is how happy she was at the old nursery, how loved and supported she was… I just want to put her on the waiting list to go back there, first thing tomorrow.

I know this sounds neurotic. I would really appreciate some advice about how to proceed - and how to stop feeling so full of regret.

OP posts:
ThreenagerCentral · 02/09/2025 22:49

This sounds really tough, it’s so hard when you make a change and you’re not sure. You said it was hard at 6 months when you put her in nursery the first time, did you feel a similar level of anxiety to now? You said it worked out well in the end, there’s every chance this will happen again. She will be unsettled for a bit, but it’s likely she’ll get lots of adult attention if it’s quiet. There’s no garden but the weather is about to get miserable and you can always make sure she gets fresh air on the weekends? My advice would be to put her on the waiting list to return to the nursery you want, then focus only on the good aspects of this other nursery. You can’t go back in time, but nothing about this new nursery sounds unsafe or unkind so although you’re unhappy, she will be okay. Expect some transition difficulties (as they will happen anywhere) and maybe check in with how you’re feeling in 6 weeks. Hopefully you’ll feel differently and if not, maybe look somewhere else?

Anon501178 · 02/09/2025 23:26

Firstly, you don't sound 'neurotic' you just love your baby! She is still so little too.

Honestly, going with your gut is the way forward in these sort of situations.
Did you not look round the new nursery before deciding to send her there?
Not having a garden is a shame, but i think not feeling comfortable with the staff is a dealbreaker....you are trusting them with your precious little girl, you need to be getting a good feeling about how they are towards you and her to be able to do that.

I cried uncontrollably for the whole afternoon the first time DD1 went to nursery at 2.Initially I thought it was just the upset of leaving her in a setting for the first time.They said they would call during the session to let me know if she was ok, but never did so i had to ring them, and there were multiple other red flags over the next few weeks, plus she was really reluctant to go, so i pulled her out after only afew weeks and realised I was actually so upset because I felt really insecure about her being there.

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