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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To weigh in now after all these years?

7 replies

Snakemum2 · 02/09/2025 21:52

DD is 15, I was with her dad for 11 years.

I was very young when we had our DD (unplanned) he had a DS from a previous relationship we stayed together but it never worked. We often lived separately (for 6 years in total) separate lives tbh. He wasn’t abusive but he was cold, emotionally distant, had no interest in me, but seemed to adore DD when he was there (he travelled for work and play LOT).

I raised DD pretty much alone, worked, got and degree and now have my own home and a well paid job, she has never wanted for anything. We separated nearly 5 years ago.

Since then his contact with her is less and less (3 days in the past 2 months) he pays maintenance but this is hit and miss and wayy below what he was paying for his DS (who is now an adult).

I have always been proud of how I have raised her alone (pretty much) and she is very happy in her life. But I am pissed off that he has been able to be so negligent. She loves him and will drop anything when he wants to see her, meanwhile he tells how he is on holiday, buying new cars etc she was excited to spend Christmas with him this year but when she mentioned it he told her he is going on holiday this Christmas so won’t see her. She was also not invited to her half DS big birthday party which I know hurt her as she see it all on social media.

He has never taken her on holiday (not once), never buys her anything, even birthday presents are late and often rubbish if at all.

I am angry for her now, he will never be a good dad, but I think he should do more!

AIBU to expect him to change if I challenge him?
or AIBU to demand a better financial contribution for her at the very least

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 02/09/2025 21:54

I wouldnt enagage with him as he wont change

Is he employed in the UK so you xam use cms?

hellohellooo · 02/09/2025 21:55

What a fcker he is

Bask in your own glory op

Keep your head high

HardworkSendHelp · 02/09/2025 21:57

He will never change, what a dick!
I would be asking for proper maintenance

Plethorapeach · 02/09/2025 21:59

You’ve 3 years left entangled with him just ride it out at this stage. He is a wanker and a deadbeat but you are not going to change that by being confront with him. Maybe chase up the money but otherwise there is so little you can do.

thaisweetchill · 02/09/2025 22:05

You’ve got to play the long game. She will realise in time I promise. Keep doing what you’re doing.

Snakemum2 · 02/09/2025 22:10

Hankunamatata · 02/09/2025 21:54

I wouldnt enagage with him as he wont change

Is he employed in the UK so you xam use cms?

He is employed in the uk but I don’t know the details of the company etc, I don’t even know his address. If he ever see’s DD it’s a dinner out or a few hours at his mothers so I have no idea where he lives. He also never opens his mail, at all, never has, so doubt he would even open letters from the CMS if if sent them to his mothers home

OP posts:
Snakemum2 · 02/09/2025 22:11

hellohellooo · 02/09/2025 21:55

What a fcker he is

Bask in your own glory op

Keep your head high

Thank you, this has always been my thoughts tbh

OP posts:
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