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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My husband is getting on my nerves. Am I alone?

15 replies

Autumnleavesgolden · 02/09/2025 21:27

I feel as though I’m becoming such a cow. I’ve always been easily irritable but I swear it’s getting worse.

Dh from the minute he wakes up keeps coughing non stop, burping, belching. He probably has digestive problems from being overweight but I think the coughing has become a habit.

He’s deaf but won’t get checked for hearing aids. Can’t hear a word I say. When we are sitting down and I’m trying to have a conversation he just stares at his phone and often walks out of the room as I’m in the middle of saying something.

He’ll be in the kitchen doing something as simple as making a drink and he’ll suddenly scream out “oh my god”, or “for fuck sake”.loud and dramatic, I’ll ask what is wrong and he will say something like “there’s no effing cups” or something equally trivial. He seems to constantly crash and bang around being noisy.

I feel as though every time I try to start a conversation he starts having a coughing fit or choking on his own spit or he starts flapping his arms around and clapping his hands because he’s seen a tiny fly.

If he leaves early for work and I’m up later or having a day off he seems to make as much noise as humanly possibly. Coming in and out of the bedroom several times opening every drawer until there’s no chance at all of me getting back to sleep.
We’re both early 40s, been together 20 years.

Im not sure if he’s turning into a miserable old man, I’m tuning into a miserable old woman or both.

OP posts:
Neodymium · 02/09/2025 21:29

Miserable old man.

mine is the same with the belching and noise. But carries on when the kids do it. Such a hypocrite.

no advice but I hear you

JNicholson · 02/09/2025 21:37

Well you’re clearly not unreasonable to be annoyed if he walks out on you in the middle of a conversation. Have you explained to him how rude this is and that he really needs to go and get his hearing tested?

Coughing, burping and belching sounds like it could possibly be acid reflux. Does he have heartburn? If not then maybe silent reflux. See a GP. The book ‘Dropping Acid’ is useful if it is reflux. He should get it checked out just to make sure it isn’t a sign of anything more serious.

It sounds like you might find him less irritating if he was taking better care of himself.

AhBiscuits · 02/09/2025 21:41

I can't stand repulsive man noises either.
Mine also does dramatic shouting over nothing. I just think now I'm in perimenopause my patience for this stuff is wafer thin.

Eenameenadeeka · 02/09/2025 22:13

It does sound annoying.

Noshadelamp · 02/09/2025 22:20

JNicholson · 02/09/2025 21:37

Well you’re clearly not unreasonable to be annoyed if he walks out on you in the middle of a conversation. Have you explained to him how rude this is and that he really needs to go and get his hearing tested?

Coughing, burping and belching sounds like it could possibly be acid reflux. Does he have heartburn? If not then maybe silent reflux. See a GP. The book ‘Dropping Acid’ is useful if it is reflux. He should get it checked out just to make sure it isn’t a sign of anything more serious.

It sounds like you might find him less irritating if he was taking better care of himself.

Was going to say this, silent reflux can also cause coughing in the morning. IMy DH has it and if he takes gaviscon in the morning he stops coughing.

Everything else sounds very annoying, why is he so dramatic? Do you respond? If he's doing it for a reaction from you and you ignore him he might stop.
Otjerwiyir sounds like he's living on his nerves, does he have a hobby, something outdoors in nature would be good to soothe his nervous system.
Or you take up a hobby in nature to soothe your nerves and get away from him for a bit!

InOverMyHead84 · 02/09/2025 22:24

Honestly, I'm aware of become a bit of a miserable old man as time passes, exhibiting some of the traits mentioned here. I'm also early 40s.

My poor wife.

Autumnleavesgolden · 02/09/2025 22:27

He will not go to the doctors about any of his ailments.

Oh and can I add to the list holding his breath for ages then suddenly gasping like he’s arisen from sleep randomly whilst sitting there.

OP posts:
Reginaphalangeeeee · 02/09/2025 22:28

I felt annoyed for you reading that.
No advice, I am same sort of age & my husband irritates me so much. Not noises as much, more smells!
He is not overweight but has to eat every 2 hours to keep weight on. He does 2-3 toilet visits a day (smells).
The thing is, he has always been like this. I have joked he is like a newborn needing feeding and toileting every 2-4 hours. But… he is just so grumpy and miserable and appear so self absorbed on meeting his own daily needs I find him irritating. I work from home and hate it when he is there banging about. Usually cooking meat with over powering sauces or doing stinky poos. So much so, the loo downstairs is his.

I think men mid 40 just become inconsiderate, selfish and grumpy. Well mine has!
And woman maybe become less tolerant, I have.
i don’t know what the answer is but I sometime wish I were a lesbian

smallglassbottle · 02/09/2025 22:30

He sounds quite young for all of these chronic health problems. I thought you were going to say he was retired. He needs to get on top of his health.

Chobby · 02/09/2025 22:31

InOverMyHead84 · 02/09/2025 22:24

Honestly, I'm aware of become a bit of a miserable old man as time passes, exhibiting some of the traits mentioned here. I'm also early 40s.

My poor wife.

Have you thought about doing something about it, if you know you’re doing it?
Honestly I don’t think I could tolerate it if my husband started behaving like this.

Chobby · 02/09/2025 22:32

smallglassbottle · 02/09/2025 22:30

He sounds quite young for all of these chronic health problems. I thought you were going to say he was retired. He needs to get on top of his health.

Same, I thought OP was going to say early 60s at least.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/09/2025 22:32

Is this a nicer life than being single?

MySweetMaggie · 02/09/2025 22:36

I thought you were describing someone in their 60s or 70s. He's gone grumpy old man early!

stayathomegardener · 02/09/2025 22:36

Welcome to peri menopause.
If you manage not to kill him before you come out the other side you will likely find a tolerable middle ground.

Aussiesgettingsmashed · 02/09/2025 23:10

Early 40s? Do you mean born in the early 40s?

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