I need an AIBU check.
My best friend made a public call for help via FB a few months ago; she was coming to the end of a relationship that was emotionally abusive that had started to turn physically abusive. For the last 6 months of the relationship, she had moved in with the guy, who also lived with his disabled mother. The flat was a state; he was more interested in weed than holding down a job. I read the FB message she posted, and after a phone call with her, immediately drove the 300 mile round trip to pick her up and her things so she could stay with me. That's not my AIBU. It was a shitshow and I was glad I could help.
My AIBU is this. She's been staying with me coming up to 3.5 months. In that time, she has secured a job in the city I live in which she starts in a few weeks. She's looking for accommodation and based on the salary of the job, she can't afford to rent a 1 bedroom flat in my city. She's opted to view flats to rent in another town 20 miles away. She doesn't drive (no licence) and is relying on public transport to get her to and from her new job. Public transport here is SHIT. Buses and trains once an hour. She'd need a bus and/or train which would add 2 hours 40 minutes to her day (1 hour 20 each way). After a certain time, there are no buses from the station so she'd need to walk/bus/cab. She has multiple (medicated) health conditions that affect her heart and blood pressure so exercise (walking/cycling) is just not feasible right now.
I have spoken to her about managing her expectations and getting a place to live in the city her job is in, but getting a studio or a house share, but she is adamant she doesn't want to live with people anymore. She also has a dog (that is currently staying with another friend and has been for the last 10 months as the ex's mum wouldn't allow the dog) that will either need dog walker, a garden and/or access to outside space. All of these things increase her monthly outgoings. She also doesn't want to rehome the dog.
Tonight I spoke to her again about this after seeing the location of the flat she is interested it. I approached this as sensitively as I could, saying that I wasn't attacking her choices, I just didn't want her to not being able to do the commute long term and end up in a position where she loses her job. I have been in the exact same position 10 years ago (albeit without a pet) and have done my fair share of house shares/studios because the commute was unsustainable. Living in a house share meant I could save enough money to do my driving lessons, deposit for a better place etc. Despite this, she is still determined to press on with the move to the other town. I have asked her to do the commute to and from the work and living locations at the time she would need to do it, which she said she thought was a good idea. However, I could see she was upset after the conversation, she's very sensitive particularly at the moment.
Was I unreasonable to have this conversation with her? She's an adult (mid 30s), but this is not the first time I've had to help her like this and she consistently makes poor choices. Part of me wants to apologise for upsetting her, the other part of me wants to let her get on with it, but I couldn't not say anything, and I feel like I will want to say more but think it's the wrong thing to do.