AIBU in expecting my friends to support me

[DailyMailHater]

A few months ago, I realised I was using alcohol to avoid dealing with past experiences I hadn’t processed. Since then, I’ve started counselling and made the decision to stop drinking.

I wasn’t drinking every day, but when I did, it was excessive and often led to situations where I upset friends and family.

The problem is that some of my friends are very unsupportive. They know why I’ve stopped and have seen the consequences of my drinking, yet when we go out they still try to pressure me — buying me shots, encouraging me to “just have one,” and even ordering me a vodka and coke when I’d specifically asked for a coke, hoping I wouldn’t notice.

This has really upset me. I’ve stopped going to social events with them, but others in the group think I should keep going and just ignore it. The truth is, I can’t I find it really upsetting that they aren’t supportive of me trying to deal with this.

I am not expecting them to not drink around me I have no issue with this, all I am asking is they don’t buy me drinks / expect me to drink….am I wrong to expect them to respect this.

You are absolutely right. What you are going through is incredibly difficult, you need support.Im not sure they’re true friends.
I suggest you get different support and change the type of socialising you do with that group.

Do they know the full extent of it and that you’re in counselling? If they do then they are terrible friends and you do right to distance yourself from them, even if they don’t know the full extent of it, if someone says I’m not drinking and orders a coke they should be given a coke not pressured into drinking. What if you’re driving, pregnant, new medication etc. Obviously it’s on you to say no and not drink it but you shouldn’t be put in that situation to begin with given your struggles.
I would decline any future invites for the time being and make it very clear to everyone why you're declining

Sadly sometimes when you choose sobriety, it exposes certain friendships as being conditional in some way.

One person in a group choosing sobriety can hold up a mirror to others who are not yet ready to make that decision.

If you want recovery, sadly you may have to "change your playground, change your playmates" as the saying goes.

Wishing you all the best 🙏🏻

YANBU to hope for support.
YANBU to expect support from real friends.
Is there a possibility these are 'circumstantial friends' ? In that the glue that holds your group together is alcohol ? What else do you do with them other than go out drinking heavily ?

This.

Well done on recognising your problem and addressing it, OP. Good luck with the road ahead, especially if it involves shedding friendships in order not to jeopardise your sobriety.

Good luck with your journey.

The people you are describing are not your friends. You need to drop them.

Stop going out with them until one of them asks why, then explain that you are finding it difficult to enjoy your nights out with them, when some of them are trying to get you to drink shots and ordering vodka and coke when you don’t want it.
Is there a smaller group you could join who would look out for you instead of being stupid arses?

These people are not your friends. They are actively sabotaging your efforts and that’s absolutely wicked. Step far, far away from them all.

They aren't your friends.

My DM was an alcoholic and when she quit and tried to stay off it, it became very clear who her drinking buddies were and who her actual friends were.

They’re not friends. They’re drinking buddies

like with drug addicts, and convicted criminals, you’re going to have to break away from the old ways.

a huge and sincere well done for your success so far. Find your new crowd and enjoy your new life

keep it up! You’re amazing

They're not your friends and they are best avoided. People with a problematic relationship with alcohol often try and browbeat others into drinking with them. A real friend would support you.

It’s quite common that your drinking friends turn out to just be your drinking friends.

Thanks for the responses -
they do know the reasons I have stopped drinking, and that I am going to counselling.
i think I knew the answer was to distance myself but just needed to hear it from others

we do other things together, go to the cinema, meet for coffee, breakfast etc but to be honest I am not sure I want to do those things with them, if they are being the way they are when we are in an environment where there is alcohol.

taking these steps really is making me reevaluate a lot of things.

thank you all for the supportive comments

If youd gone veggie would they sneak you bacon?

Theyre horrible. Theyre jeopardising your recovery. You dont need friends like this