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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make the kids walk 3miles to school?

790 replies

DHdoingmyheadin · 02/09/2025 08:07

Due to ongoing roadworks, the main road through the village to my kids school is closed and will be for c. a month. We are right at the edge of where the roadworks are so we have two options:

(A) A 15 mile detour by car, down the road all the traffic is being funnelled down (a main A road that is congested even when the road through the village is open). Which I trialled yesterday, and took me 45 minutes each way. This was with no school traffic as schools go back tomorrow. So I’d be doing at least 90 minutes of driving each morning and DH 90 mins in the afternoon.

(B) The kids walk to school and back. 3 miles each way.

DH is adamant I can’t possibly expect them to walk. It’s hilly. It’s due to rain. I think they walk. I think it would be insane to drive when it’s literally faster for them to walk. It’s 3 miles. I’m not asking them to swim the channel and then scale Mount Everest. Kids are 12 and 13.

AIBU to put my foot down and refuse to drive?

OP posts:
AlrightDaveHowsItGoingAlright · 02/09/2025 09:23

My kids walk to their high school and back each day. It's 2.5 miles, so not quite as far as yours, but they've always done it. Sometimes they bike. If it's pissing it down and one of us is around, we'll occasionally drive them, but it's not something we can do regularly due to work, hence walking has always been their school commute. It's a safe walk through housing estates and loads of their friends walk similar distances. It's just a normal thing around here.

FourIsNewSix · 02/09/2025 09:24

DHdoingmyheadin · 02/09/2025 08:30

It’s quite hilly. They’d be pushing their bikes uphill on the way home, so much easier to walk. The gradient at the steepest part of the hill is 20%.

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Does it mean it is mostly downhill on the way to school?

If yes, it sounds like they could bike in the morning reasonably easily, and than your DH/you would pick them up with the bikes/scooters in the afternoon.
Either every day, or a few days a week, depending on the weather and the time they end.

ShesTheAlbatross · 02/09/2025 09:24

They’ll soon be in the dark for the end of the walk home

Do you not think secondary school
students should walk after dark?

Kids doing a short walk might be doing it in the dark in January.

Katiesaidthat · 02/09/2025 09:24

TheCosyViewer · 02/09/2025 08:53

It would take longer than 40 minutes to walk three miles, unless you were power walking.

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Absolutely. I walked 1.6 miles to high school and back and each leg was 40 minutes, bearing in mind I was carrying my rucksack and the kitchen sink!

OnthePisteAgain · 02/09/2025 09:25

Can't you take them some of the way? The whole route from your front door can't be all congested so if you could cut some of the walk off for them why not do that?

arcticpandas · 02/09/2025 09:25

Biskieboo · 02/09/2025 09:19

Yep. Tbh this thread is a bit of an eye-opener for me as to just how sedentary and can't-do the majority of people have become. 'Ooh but how would you like it having to walk three miles twice a day?!?!'. Well I used to run more than that to work every single day, I still do whenever I can, and I bloody love it, and that's because I got into the habit of daily exercise when I was young, including a 4 mile bike/walk to/from school most days. Some of the excuses are just daft - e.g. 'What about the evenings drawing in?!?!' - it's 2 September, the OP said the offending roadworks would be for a month, and I'm guessing the OP doesn't live in the Arctic circle. Mithering crap.

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Backpacks are around 15 kg in secondary. My DS 12 weighs 30 kg.

Harrysmummy246 · 02/09/2025 09:25

Even walking briskly, 3 miles is going to be at least 45 minutes OP.
I understand your frustration, I really do, having had almost 2 years of what would be a 5 minute car journey (DS was in reception, walking was not really feasible) being at least 15 each way on country roads with idiots not understanding how to drive on them.

I think as a family you probably will need to come up with a compromise- what about the days with sports and extra kit bags? Or DT, or cooking?

Backfromholareyou · 02/09/2025 09:26

So you usually drive them OP anyway and the issue is that for a month it will be longer?

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 02/09/2025 09:26

My walk to senior school was over 3 miles, my parents didn’t have a car, and it was quicker to walk all the way than divert to the train station for one stop, and then take a bus. And obviously walking was free, an important consideration. I walked with 2 friends, and it took us about 45 minutes.

However, we only had our satchels with homework, not loads of heavy textbooks. And this was the 60’s. Most, if not all, children walked to and from school at any age, and were probably healthier for it.

aCatCalledFawkes · 02/09/2025 09:26

arcticpandas · 02/09/2025 09:25

Backpacks are around 15 kg in secondary. My DS 12 weighs 30 kg.

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Not to mention school shoes and school uniform aren't anything like decent running shoes and running kit.

KateDelRick · 02/09/2025 09:27

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 02/09/2025 09:26

My walk to senior school was over 3 miles, my parents didn’t have a car, and it was quicker to walk all the way than divert to the train station for one stop, and then take a bus. And obviously walking was free, an important consideration. I walked with 2 friends, and it took us about 45 minutes.

However, we only had our satchels with homework, not loads of heavy textbooks. And this was the 60’s. Most, if not all, children walked to and from school at any age, and were probably healthier for it.

Most state Secondary school children don't have textbooks. They're left at school. However, it's possible they have a PE kit.

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 02/09/2025 09:28

I think they could do it. Could you go with them to help carry bags? Could you build in enough time for a five minute rest halfway? Incentivise with a snack/treat? What will others near you be doing? Could you join up? Might make the time pass more quickly if they have friends to chat to.

thisfilmisboring123 · 02/09/2025 09:28

DaisyChain505 · 02/09/2025 08:48

I remember always asking my mum (who didn’t work) for a lift to secondary school most days and she’d always say no. It wasn’t that I was being lazy it was just that the day was tough and long enough as it was let alone with an hours walk there and then back on top of it, having to carry a heavy bag, possibly games kit, cooking ingredients etc.

imagine getting yourself up for work every day as an adult and having to walk three miles there and then back. It would fill you with dread and the thought of a lift would make everything a little easier.

What, ever?
Sorry, but I think that’s bloody awful.

As others have mentioned, surely walk in , lift the way back or vice versa seems fair.

DressOrSkirt · 02/09/2025 09:28

I used to walk 3 miles to my school bus in Ireland (so lot's of rain). I had a bike so it was my choice whether to walk or cycle and I normally chose walking unless I got up late. It's about 40-45 minutes walking.
I got a lift home most days.

I think that would be a fair compromise, they walk or cycle in the morning, and your DH can give them a lift home.

Porridgepudding · 02/09/2025 09:28

Yes it's reasonable to ask them to walk in the circumstances and it's only for a month. It's not the middle of January, and there is 2 of them.

Original poster
DHdoingmyheadin · 02/09/2025 09:29

Thanks for the suggestion we park a car the other side of the roadworks! Sadly, it wouldn’t work. We both need our cars on ‘our side’ of the roadworks - DH for work and me because I use my ‘lunch hour’ every day to visit my elderly parents.

If my car was parked on the other side of the roadworks, I wouldn’t be able to see my parents (a complete non negotiable given their age/frailty) daily, and if DHs was on the other side it would treble his commuting time.

OP posts:
7372RR · 02/09/2025 09:29

Backfromholareyou · 02/09/2025 09:00

What’s your fitness like Op?

Why do you ask??

Dilemma654 · 02/09/2025 09:30

Mynewnameis · 02/09/2025 08:21

Not where i live
Funded in primary over 2 miles, no Sen
High school funded over 3 miles no sen

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Yet another difference between LAs then.

Funded over 2 miles for yr2 and below only here.
Funded over 3 miles for yr3+.

I don't know about high school or non SEN.

My point still stands that if a LA expects a primary aged child with significant needs to walk 3 miles to school, a 12 yr old without needs certainly should be able to.

ilovesooty · 02/09/2025 09:30

NotSayingImBatman · 02/09/2025 08:26

Initially, I thought 3 miles sounded a hell of a walk to school, but then I googled my old route to school from my mum’s house and I was walking 2.8 miles each way. Never even occurred to my mum to offer me a lift!

My father used to drop me to school most days on his way to work. When he didn't, I walked. I walked home every day. It was 3.5 miles and yes, I had to carry text books, PE stuff and cookery equipment. I don't see why a 12 and 13 year old can't do it.

zaazaazoom · 02/09/2025 09:31

childofthe607080s · 02/09/2025 08:15

It’s a hour each way - they would need decent rucksack and possibly an extra snack but beyond that it’s very good for them - longer for them shorter for you

yes it’s something I would do myself - it’s rare that there is heavy rain - I guess you need to watch the forecast and get up earlier on those days to take them in

More like 45 mins. I do support walking for Park run with my friend who is very overweight and we always do it sub 55 mins. A healthy 12 year old could do it 45 mins walking. A very fit one could run it in under 20! I often walk to and from work and that's 2.5 miles.

Backfromholareyou · 02/09/2025 09:31

7372RR · 02/09/2025 09:29

Why do you ask??

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Because I often find on mumsnet…. Posters are very gung ho for kids doing long walks but then transpires from other threads that they barely move from their office to home.

susiedaisy1912 · 02/09/2025 09:31

Don’t be lazy op.

Comedycook · 02/09/2025 09:33

It's not that I think a three mile walk is that arduous but twice a day for a month it's going to get pretty wearing particularly in all weathers and with stuff to carry.

crappycrapcrap · 02/09/2025 09:33

I think it’s too far, it’ll take them what an hour at least? One off no problem, every day for a month is a bit mean.

Gloriia · 02/09/2025 09:34

Sorry if it's been mentioned are where public buses?

No, they shouldn't walk a hilly route for 3miles before school.

Contact your council it is surely ridiculous to have such disruption, haven't they heard of traffic lights?! You know close one lane and let traffic through etc. They really can't just close a main road for a month!