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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make the kids walk 3miles to school?

790 replies

DHdoingmyheadin · 02/09/2025 08:07

Due to ongoing roadworks, the main road through the village to my kids school is closed and will be for c. a month. We are right at the edge of where the roadworks are so we have two options:

(A) A 15 mile detour by car, down the road all the traffic is being funnelled down (a main A road that is congested even when the road through the village is open). Which I trialled yesterday, and took me 45 minutes each way. This was with no school traffic as schools go back tomorrow. So I’d be doing at least 90 minutes of driving each morning and DH 90 mins in the afternoon.

(B) The kids walk to school and back. 3 miles each way.

DH is adamant I can’t possibly expect them to walk. It’s hilly. It’s due to rain. I think they walk. I think it would be insane to drive when it’s literally faster for them to walk. It’s 3 miles. I’m not asking them to swim the channel and then scale Mount Everest. Kids are 12 and 13.

AIBU to put my foot down and refuse to drive?

OP posts:
KateDelRick · 02/09/2025 10:28

I walk 2.8 miles to work, it takes me 45 minutes, but it is very hilly, at one point quite steep. I carry a backpack and am quite elderly!
I agree with pp - they should be able to walk it without too much difficulty at that age.

Heartbreaksally · 02/09/2025 10:28

SereneCoralDog · 02/09/2025 10:11

You can tell the people who don't actually walk much because they have no actual concept of distance/time/impact.

A six year old (and probably the older ones) walking ten miles on every school day is total bollocks on a number of fronts.

For one thing, why are you giving your dog two three mile walks after 3.30pm? (Unless you're suggesting that you drag your children out of bed for them to walk a total of 5 miles every day before school?). NO dog needs that and if yours appears to, it's understimulated and more exercise is not the answer.

Show quote history

Its not bollocks on a number of fronts. We are a very active family and spend most of our weekends hiking etc as well! If you read my subsequent posts, I break down my timings and also add the kids do a mix of walking, cycling and on their scooters. My dog is also a border collie and very much does need two walks a day, and gets played with and stimulated outside of his walks too.

I think people who arent as active have a bit of a chip on their shoulder and like to knock down people who are, just because they cant fit it into their lives. Ive set our lives up deliberately because being active is important to me personally, and I hate driving and being stuck in traffic - if you look at our actual walking times, theres definitely many people driving longer than that in their daily commute, kids probably out of the house longer when you factor in wrap around care as well. My school run would take at least the same amound of time driving with the traffic, so i might as well be walking! I spent most of my childhood walking too as we didnt have a car until I was in my mid teens.

Copied my timings post for yoh below:

Up at 6, out walking the dog for 6.15, home for between 7-7.15, then an hour to get ready and breakfast etc. Leave at 8.15, in school for 8.45. They leave school at 3 and are home for 3.30. Have an evening walk after dinner from about 6-7. Kids in bed for 8.
I work in the office 9.30-14.30 about a mile past their school, then work 3-4 hours from home in the evening when theyre in bed.
If you factor in a lot of people's commute time and their drop offs to wrap around care its probs not that much different time wise regarding bed times/wake up times and commuting!

Natsku · 02/09/2025 10:28

Rewis · 02/09/2025 10:18

Average walking speed is 3mi/h. Have those claiming that 12yo do it in 45min, really? Cause pre-teens are slow. Not that they are not capable of walking fast. They just don't. Every 12yo I've met can't just say buy to their friends and take the main direct route.

My walking distance from school was 0.5mi unless I had training in the evening, me and my bff would take forever to walk just chatting, taking alternative routes etc. Whenever we plan scouts we need to plan double the amount of time for walking cause everything is slow-mo.

Edited

Not all pre-teens are slow, DD has been a very fast walker since she was about 8, I struggle to keep up with her and I am a fast walker. But she still couldn't do 3 miles in 45 minutes.

Gloriia · 02/09/2025 10:29

OldWave · 02/09/2025 10:27

*also, if make sure that school are aware, and that they have a locker at school.
I think it's great!

Nevermind a locker at school maybe school can talk to the council as the parents apparently haven't and tell them you can't just close a main route with a 15mile diversion!

ToadRage · 02/09/2025 10:30

Seriously? From the age of 11 I walked to school and back everyday, through rain, wind and even snow. Living in the country we walked almost everywhere and being Somerset its a very hilly. What is your husband worried about? 3 miles is nothing and it gives them a bit of fresh air and exercise. As a chubby 11 year old when i started walking to school everyday the weight fell off me, by 13 i was heathy weight and throughout school had fantastic hourglass figure.

GuestWW · 02/09/2025 10:31

UpMyself · 02/09/2025 10:21

The people describing 3 miles as a half hour walk have clearly never actually done it

3 miles in half an hour is a perfectly respectable jogging pace.
If carrying a rucksack, 45 minutes walk would be a good guess. I'd allow an hour.

I am a fast walker and a fair runner, I am well pleased if I run 3 miles in 30 minutes! But I would still happily walk 3 miles :-)

Marylou62 · 02/09/2025 10:31

FollowSpot · 02/09/2025 08:12

Is the road closed to pedestrians? If not I would keep my car parked the other side of the roadworks and go from there.

6 miles walking a day is quite a lot, it will be dark for the later part. Do the kids walk alone or will one of you need to do 2 x 6 miles round trips a day?

Just came on to ask this..

BeachLife2 · 02/09/2025 10:33

It sounds bonkers tbh and will make them exhausted and miserable. As expected there are lots of posters claiming to have ran a marathon to school every day, but there is a reason regressive practices are confined to the past.

I am a big believer in fitness for people of all ages, but walking 6 miles in pouring rain and wind is not going to be conducive to them performing well at school.

Original poster
DHdoingmyheadin · 02/09/2025 10:33

Gloriia · 02/09/2025 10:27

Exactly.

Show quote history

Google ‘Battle Hill’ road closures (Rother Town council). It won’t let me link but I have included a screen shot.

But the answer is: yes, quite easily.😊 It’s emergency work. They had to bump it from August as there were road works down the A21 detour route!

The shorter ‘detour’ suggested by Google maps is through back roads, not wide enough for two cars to pass. So it’s into Hastings, then back out again down the A21!

To make the kids walk 3miles to school?
OP posts:
mindutopia · 02/09/2025 10:34

There must be a friend heading to school who lives more than 10 doors down on the other side who could give them a lift for a month.

Are there no better detours? I live in the arse end of nowhere and the official diversion for roadworks can easily take you on a 60 minute tour through the next county and back. But there is always a little lane you can cut through that only locals know about where you can pop out a mile down the road. There must be an easier way.

Pastaandoranges · 02/09/2025 10:34

Fine if its not chucking it down on the way into school. And if its hilly then it could be tiring. I like the PP idea of parking car other side of the roadworks.

Randomchat · 02/09/2025 10:34

It's for a month in September, they can walk. My answer might be different in January.

You could always pick them up now and again for a treat or if the weather is rotten.

I occasionally pick ds up from the train station to save him waiting for a bus or walking 45 minutes home and he's always happy to get a wee break. Sometimes I offer him a lift to the station on a Friday morning if he's looking a bit weary.

KateDelRick · 02/09/2025 10:36

Pastaandoranges · 02/09/2025 10:34

Fine if its not chucking it down on the way into school. And if its hilly then it could be tiring. I like the PP idea of parking car other side of the roadworks.

She can't because she needs the car to visit elderly parents.

Tiswa · 02/09/2025 10:36

How would you drop them off and then get to work given your commute is 2 hours minimum 3 days a week

LandSharksAnonymous · 02/09/2025 10:36

DHdoingmyheadin · 02/09/2025 10:33

Google ‘Battle Hill’ road closures (Rother Town council). It won’t let me link but I have included a screen shot.

But the answer is: yes, quite easily.😊 It’s emergency work. They had to bump it from August as there were road works down the A21 detour route!

The shorter ‘detour’ suggested by Google maps is through back roads, not wide enough for two cars to pass. So it’s into Hastings, then back out again down the A21!

Show quote history

Ah shit for you, OP! My PIL live near there. It’s a bloody nightmare!!!

JJMama · 02/09/2025 10:37

So you have to get to work and DP from work? If so they can walk, it’s only for a month. If either of you are SAHP then take them/pick them up.

Bohema123 · 02/09/2025 10:37

For their age it could take 45 mins to an hour to walk 3 miles and that is without hills or lashing rain. I was going to say go for it as thought about 30 mins each way which is not so bad but it could be over 2 hours in total and they will get soaked

Wallywobbles · 02/09/2025 10:37

Reasonable in my view.

Corfumanchu · 02/09/2025 10:38

Please tell me you are joking!!

Goldbar · 02/09/2025 10:39

The obvious answer is... see how it goes. If they manage and are fit and bright-eyed from the extra exercise, then all good. If they're exhausted, not keeping up with schoolwork and their backs are aching, then you may need to find another solution.

It also depends on their secondary school imo. If it's a sensible, caring sort of place with a comfortable uniform that doesn't mind two children limping in bedraggled and soaking on occasion with books that could do with a stint next to the radiator, then all fine. My secondary was like this. But if it's an ultra-smart "zero tolerance" academy where they have to be shiny as a sixpence all day, then I think that's an unfair ask - you're setting them up to fail.

PrimSec · 02/09/2025 10:41

So it sounds like you usually do the morning school runs and DH does the afternoon and you disagree on the approach to take? Well you both do as you think best, ie you let them walk in the morning (which sounds like it's mostly downhill), and he goes to get them in the afternoon!

It's a compromise on driving and walking, kids still get exercise. Let's see how long DH's principles hold up... You can relent and give the occasional lift on rainy days. I'd bet anything those lifts will be more appreciated for having had to walk the other days! And it's only for a month.

OnlyTheBravest · 02/09/2025 10:41

I would drop them in the morning and let them walk home. 3 miles with a filled backpack will take between 45 mins to an hour.

If school starts 8.30 ish they would need to be out by 7.30 with breakfast because of the fuel needed for the walk, which means they would need to up at 6 something, if they are anything like my were teenage boys. Good Luck!

If you live in a village do they have an adequate footpath to walk on the entire way? What is the public transport like? Could they cycle instead? Do they have any friends travelling in the same direction? How are they getting to school? Could they all meet up and walk together or jump in with another parent?

Failing that could you park one car on the other side of the roadworks. Can you cab to elderly parents every other day instead?

Could hubby take alternative transport to work and leave you with the car. Lots of options.

Original poster
DHdoingmyheadin · 02/09/2025 10:44

Tiswa · 02/09/2025 10:36

How would you drop them off and then get to work given your commute is 2 hours minimum 3 days a week

We have a car share with other parents (their kids are friends with mine) who help out. They do three days, DH/I do two. But they have been clear they will not be driving along the detour, given petrol/commuting costs etc, and their kids will be walking.

OP posts:
PrimSec · 02/09/2025 10:44

PrimSec · 02/09/2025 10:41

So it sounds like you usually do the morning school runs and DH does the afternoon and you disagree on the approach to take? Well you both do as you think best, ie you let them walk in the morning (which sounds like it's mostly downhill), and he goes to get them in the afternoon!

It's a compromise on driving and walking, kids still get exercise. Let's see how long DH's principles hold up... You can relent and give the occasional lift on rainy days. I'd bet anything those lifts will be more appreciated for having had to walk the other days! And it's only for a month.

If you're feeling more generous, you could split the school runs with DH. But the principle is that the inconvenience is split across the whole household rather than all on the kids or the parents.

BrieAndChilli · 02/09/2025 10:45

I would drive them in the morning - so they arrive fresh and not wet if raining and not sweaty if hot.
They can walk home in the evening - doesnt matter how long it takes them and if they get wet they can get changed as soon as home and have a hot drink

We live 2 miles away from school (and it is up a big hill) so I do the above for my kids. DH WFH so occasionaly will collect them if it is hammering it down.