To think that you can be genuine and still play the game?

[ForBreezySloth]

People often act like you have to choose between being authentic and being strategic but I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. You can be true to yourself while also understanding how to navigate social dynamics, work politics or relationships in a way that benefits you.

Why is “playing the game” seen as fake or manipulative when, in reality, it’s often just about being smart? AIBU to think that knowing how to move in different spaces doesn’t mean you’re not being real?

You need to be a bit clearer on what point you're trying to make RandomThreeWords maybe reboot and ask again

100% agree

I get a lot of feedback both from the people I manage, my peers and my boss, that I am very "open" and "genuine" but i definitely also am mindful of playing the game. Often its just smart choices... thinking about where to make most effort and when to know to just leave something and move on.

@ForBreezySloth do you mean be genuine or appear genuine? There's a big difference.

I can't play the game because I feel like I'm gaslighting myself. My career would've been a lot different if I was able to do the gameplay thing.

What on earth is the game?

There’s a game? What is it?

What game are you talking about playing? I'm shit at football but rarely get beaten at scrabble. Is that what you need for your random AI research?

Yes. I can assure the OP that I am completely, authentically myself when I slay at Scrabble and fail at anything involving balls.

If you were a person you could use some actual examples rather than a string of words that almost sound meaningful.

Smart choices are prioritising requests from more senior people, using the right buzz words, being proactive in areas that are currently under focus.

Fully playing the game is being prepared to drag your family around the world following a career, taking credit for others work, and/or learning the buzz words despite there being zero skill or substance behind it.

Are you talking about the dating scene?

I think that’s exactly the tension I’m talking about, people often feel like it has to be one or the other: be real or get ahead. But I don’t see playing the game as faking anything or gaslighting yourself, more like choosing how and when to show different parts of yourself, depending on the space.

To me strategy isn’t about being dishonest. It’s about protecting your peace, reading the room and making intentional choices. You can still be anchored in who you are, even if you’re adjusting how you move. But I do get how exhausting or disorienting it can feel if it’s not natural to you.

@ForBreezySloth it's probably just an issue of semantics

I have no criticism of people who can do it. In fact, I admire them and I wish I could do it.

But if I was to be authentic in a workplace, then none of the things you describe can happen really

I can do it to some extent. Like being nice to someone, you absolutely can't stand at work. But if I'm asked to do something I genuinely think is unethical, I just can't. Or maybe nobody has ever offered me enough money for that 😂

I've currently got someone gaslighting me quite a bit in the workplace and I am really struggling with it. One tactic might be to try and do it back, but I'm actually just avoiding him. As much as I can on a practical level.

Not specifically but it definitely applies there too! I was thinking more broadly - work dynamics, social circles, even family sometimes. Anywhere people feel pressure to either “play the game” or stay totally unfiltered. But dating is actually one of the clearest examples, people often judge you for being strategic, even though everyone’s operating with some kind of filter or approach.

I don't think you can be authentic when using AI to write drivel

Could you give some examples? I don’t think I’ve ever thought those were my two options. Are you thinking of some TV show like Traitors?

I completely agree. I have to pretend to like my boss (what else am I meant to do), pretend to like the parts of my job I find boring (silly not to) and make people think I am working harder than I am (otherwise they may think they don’t need me). However, I do actually like my job on the whole, I am myself around most of my colleagues and I do pull my weight. I would say I play the game and am not fake at the same time. It is part of daily working life.

No I meant real-life situations, not TV! Think about workplaces, for example. There’s often a spoken or unspoken way to be that gets rewarded… knowing when to speak up, when to stay quiet, how to position yourself in a meeting. You can still be authentic but there’s also a level of strategy involved if you want to be taken seriously or progress. Same with certain social circles or even navigating family dynamics. It’s not about being fake, it’s just understanding the dynamics and moving intentionally. Does that make more sense?

Can I ask - are you using ChatGPT-5 for this? It's a step up from previous AI posts.

Well I’ve now lost ‘the game‘ thanks to the post, and so have all of you.

At work, I play the game. I’m overly nice, and sometimes I have to count to ten just to avoid telling someone to fuck off. In my personal life, though, I’m much more selective about who I let in. Sure, I can be polite with neighbors and acquaintances, but that takes no more than 20 minutes of my day. With close friends and my partner, I’m completely myself. I used to welcome people I didn't like much when younger in my teens and 20's but now that I know myself I'm aware I don't need such draining people around me in my personal life.

So, I think “playing the game” socially is just part of aspects of life. In this context what feels unnaturally harder today is dating: ghosting, narcissism, treating people as disposable. It’s really disturbing and can be a vicious circle. But you are 24h in this mode it's not natural, it points to social anxiety maybe? 🤔

Yep, so annoyed 🤣

It isn't purely strategy though, some of it is luck. For example if you get the Q, Z, X and the J it's easy to win the game you're playing but you're fucked if you just have 7 vowels.

I used to be quite good at Connect 4 too come to think of it. It's just balls and darts I can't play, definitely darts. Its dangerous playing darts with me. I won a one-off crazy golf came a few years ago. Maybe I should explore that more. 🤔