Is it just me or is this weird?...

[DaisiesAndDonuts]

So...
My Brother in law and his wife have 3 kids. Their youngest is a girl and is almost 4.
She is massively babied. Still in nappies, still has dummy all the time not just for bed. Still drinking from a bottle(milk and juice/water). They also wrap her up and push her around in a pram when out and about and I'm pretty sure from photos that she's still in a cot. They also encourage babyish talk like dada,mama and botbot(for bottle). Things like that.
I'm getting quite concerned by this. I think it's really weird behaviour. My husband says he thinks it's weird but probably just babying her because she's their last child but it's far past just being babied. It's like they think she's still actually a baby.
I think I'm worried because they've done some other crazy stuff in the past like fake illnesses and lie to the whole family just to get benefits and also has convinced their eldest that he's autistic and to behave in a certain way around people(he's not allowed to talk to anyone, just looks at the floor when being spoken to and has to wear a chew toy around his neck) but when we look after him he's a completely different child. Very happy and chatty, fully engages with our children and plays with them, definitely no signs of autism what so ever when he's not around his parents but completely changes around them.
Is this called Munchausen??
I want to report them to social services but I doubt they would believe me. What would I even say?.
Would this worry anyone else, particularly the babying the 4yr old. Well all of it actually.or am I being OTT?.

And all the people saying OP may have got the wrong end of the stick - yes she may. BUT it there is no issue, the worst that will happen is she calls SS they decide everything is ok. If there is an issue, the worst that can happen is for OP to ignore it, and for abuse to continue and potentially escalate. If in doubt regarding this kind of abuse, of course you have to report.

Will they though? I've sat through hearings where family members literally have photographs of battered and bruised horribly abused kids and social services won't do anything about it for 'lack of evidence'. I agree all sounds worrying but truly I'm not sure that social services would do anything.

It’s very hard to know because you clearly judge and that means you are writing this to make your option sound the reasonable one.

Autistic children often mask so what you experience is normal. Autism is also often genetic so could account for the behaviour that concerns you about the youngest. You don’t understand autism so won’t see what’s going on to know which it is.

Ultimately nobody online knows whether they are mistreating the children or not so yes, you will have to report them to be on the safe side.

It's FDIA. Fictitious Disorder Imposed on Another

If the first is autistic or has some autistic behaviours or SEN, it's possible they are misguided in what they think is normal for a 4 yr old. I'd be interested to know how far behind the older child was at that age. I also think it's strange that a normal 4 yr old would be so passive to allow themselves be babied like that, the urge to grow and mature is very instinctive. I suspect it's more likely there is a SEN there. From what you say I suspect there is additional needs with both children. However in my experience children with SEN need to be parented and encouraged much more than other children and it is possible, likely even, that they are failing to do this with both children. I suspect you don't know the full picture and are possibly jumping to conclusions but I think you are right to be concerned and I think you should report it. Be prepared to be wrong but at least you know you are doing the right thing by expressing concern.

No, their eldest is definitely 100% not autistic. He is 13 and This only came about when the mother's 'illness' magically disappeared 2 years ago (her pip was stopped). He has never ever shown any signs of autism before this and it hadn't been mentioned by parents either. He hasn't been diagnosed and his referral wasn't accepted so he's not been assessed but he is made to act as though he has it. It's almost as though he is scared to behave normally in front of his parents. He's so different when he's not with them. The 4yr old, she isn't delayed with motor skills and can talk etc but is withdrawn and extremely shy.
I could be wrong but I know the parents personally and know what they are like. Honestly some of the things they've done in the past is just insane. Like EastEnders storyline. In my heart and gut I believe something is going on, most likely benefit claim related and the kids are being used for this.
But if I report them and get involved I am at risk of causing major problems and upset within the family. My husband's parents are on board with us and agree their parenting is far from the best and also agree with my concerns but I think we are all scared of rocking the boat and scared of losing contact with the children. We are very close with them and they stay quite often at weekends and holidays as we feel we need to be there for them. Apart from school, We are their only other 'normality'. It's such a tricky one to decide what to do for the best.

If you're genuinely concerned then call NSPCC and talk about it with them (as previously suggested by a pp). They will hopefully guide you with what to do for the best. Chatting about it on here isn't going to help anyone.

You clearly want to report them, so do so rather than continuing to post.

Unless you’ve actually been qualified to be part of the multidisciplinary team dealing with his needs, you don’t know 100% at all. You don’t believe he is autistic, which is fine. Lots of people don’t know whether a child is or isn’t.

Why are you asking on here?! Report and let the professionals do their job. We can’t protect the children but you can

If you can find who the Health Visitor is I’d contact her.

Have you not read the post correctly!
They have convinced their child he is autistic, he’s not allowed to speak around people & wears a chew toy around his neck, & then completely normal when he is around OP & her family ..
They are unhinged & should not be caring for children !!!!
They are trying to convince their 4 year old she is a baby !!! Jesus Christ .. Report these individuals !!!!

But how many neurotypical children act like this especially since the younger child does it as well? It’s abnormal for children to keep up an act insisted upon by parents for that length of time and consistency. That’s why people are questioning it but are still saying to report to make sure all is ok.

You only have to read the endless threads on here to realise lots of people have no idea about neurodiversity and even if they do, they probably only see it in terms of how those they know are.

Yes , but OP has also said they have lied to get benefits ..
They have their 4 year old going around in a buggy with dummies & bottles & talk to her like a baby , this child hasn’t been diagnosed with anything, so why are they doing it ??
God knows what they have said to older child to get him behave the way he does when he’s around other people when they are present..
Very suss that when he is around OP that she finds him completely different, engages well , plays away with her kids ..
There’s something with those parents !

I have no experience, but I’m sure if you raised a safeguarding issue with social services, then they wouldn’t tell the parents that it was you. Kids need other adults sometimes to look out for them, which sounds like this is you. Please report it. Always better to be safe than sorry!