To contact ex friend?

[MouseCheese87]

I fell out with a friend some months ago. It's hard to say what the cause was as I genuinely don't know. She seemed to instigate it by going cold on me but when I asked her about it she'd say it was nothing, but then go back to being strange with me. This was a sudden change after we had previously been good friends and I can't think of anything I did wrong. As I said this was months ago and I thought I was over the whole thing. But for the last few weeks I've been dreaming about her. In the dream we both apologise and make up. I'm not even sure I would have her as a friend again but I'm interpreting this dreams to mean it's something that is niggling away at me subconsciously.
I've been at the wine this evening and I am tempted to send her a message clearing the air and wishing her child good luck in her new school. However, I don't know if I'll feel worse afterwards and if it shows me up as being weak. After all, she was the one who instigated us not being friends, although I do feel there was a misunderstanding somewhere. Looking for some opinions as to what I should do.

Dont drunk text your ex

I know its not an ex... but same advise applies... if you're going to do it, another day wont make a difference, and you can do it after you've slept on it and thought what you want to say...

Dont text when your drunk, put the wine down & go to bed.

I'm not drunk or tired. I've had one and a half glasses. In the slightly tipsy stage but it's making me feel warm hearted.

There's no point imo. You'll never trust her again
The friendship is over

Don’t text. But write down the message you would send her on paper. Look at that piece of paper in the morning and see if you still the feel the same way, if you do then do it. You’ve really got nothing to lose - there currently is no friendship - and provided you know that you won’t be upset if she doesn’t reply then your feelings won’t be hurt either, but be really clear with yourself that if she doesn’t respond that you won’t be upset - if you could react that way then you know it’s not the best thing to do. But either way, don’t send it tonight, draft it out tonight to get it off your chest a bit.

Nope - don’t do it. Put your phone on charge in the kitchen, and enjoy your evening.
if you still feel the same at 10am tomorrow, sure, go for it. Please don’t.
I reached out to an old friend recently who I felt really let me down. She replied, I replied, then nothing again. Really really wish I hadn’t.

Yes, do not text after drinking wine. Or if you do, save it to drafts and reread it the day after (and edit) before sending.

I also fell out with my best friend some years back. I can't remember why exactly now, lots of things were said. We didn't speak for a few years and then I messaged them one day. We made plans to meet up by my mum unexpectedly died and I had to postpone. We messaged each other again in march when COVID first hit and sent each other best wishes and love. By August, they had been murdered. I wish I had met up with them again before that tragic event and I regret we didn't, but I'm so thankful I reached out and made up before that over the phone.

I'm obviously not implying that could happen to you or your friend, but I think living without regrets is the way to go.

Don't do it now. You've asked her before what's wrong and she said nothing. You said you wouldn't chose her as a friend now. What do you want from the contact?

Still, do it sober or don't do it at all 👍

I don't know, maybe some kind of closure? We still have to see each other regularly because of our kid's clubs and activities. They are now going to different secondary schools now at least. But it's just very awkward when we are in the same room. She told me a while ago she missed me during an argument but I cut her off because I was so fed up of not knowing where I stood with her.

That’s the whole point though. Your inhibitions have been lowered and you wouldn’t be feeling like this sober. That’s your answer. If you wouldn’t message her stone cold sober then don’t do it now.

Thank you. I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

"if it shows me up as being weak" - that's a weird thing to think, makes it sound like you've been in a power struggle waiting to see who caves first this time.

I would go ahead and msg her, if it doesn't go the way you hope then you can put it down to being a drunk text and not a moment of weakness.

I didn't really mean it like that. I meant more that I've remained strongminded and moved on despite me being hurt and confused. I told her I was blocking her and I've stuck to my word. I've always thought that if we were to be friends again, it would have to be her that initiated it as I was the one who was in effect, dropped with no explanation and I feel that she was cruel.

Don’t do it as you’ll only feel worse if she ignores you again. If this has been her pattern, it’s not fair to you. Friendships should be honest and a two-way street. I had a friend I was really close to who ghosted me and others in our circle—by the time she reached out again, the connection just wasn’t there anymore. Better to focus on friends who are genuinely worth your time and energy.

Thank you.

Tbh it will get easier the contact will be less and less.

So sorry to read this. What an awful thing for you to go through but at least you made up beforehand. Life really is too short.