To not be excited about pregnancy? feeling guilty.

[Ldnnursexx]

11 weeks pregnant, absolutely always wanted to be a mum, thought i’d be ecstatic but i’m just not! We were sort of half ‘trying’ but didn’t expect anything to happen this quickly, but just said we would be happy if it happened!

DP is so excited and i feel is getting frustrated that i’m not, i’m just feeling scared, very anxious and not excited at all. I think feeling this way is a combination of a few factors.

Firstly I’ve been feeling pretty rubbish, vomiting non stop and feeling very hormonal. I also feel incredibly lonely, I moved to live with DP last year and have really struggled to make any friends of my own here and have been quite isolated tbh. Plus the friends i do have elsewhere are not at the same stage of life at all, i don’t think they will be thinking about babies for a long time! For some reason since being pregnant this loneliness has gotten worse and i just feel pretty low every day.

I’m also absolutely terrified to tell friends/ family and i don’t know why?! Again, DP is very excited for this and doesn’t understand my thinking. I think i’m worried about their reaction and almost feel embarrassed, but i have no idea why! A few people at work know for practical reasons, but haven’t told anyone else yet as i don’t feel comfortable.

Just hoping to hear some words of advice if anyone else has been through these feelings? Is it normal to feel this way or am I making a horrible mistake/ am i going to be a terrible mum?!

I think it's normal. I really wanted to be a mum but when I got pregnant I was really scared. It kind of subsided as I was approaching the end of the pregnancy but I wasn't crazy in love with my baby when they were born. I think when they were about 10 weeks old I was suddenly like "ok this is pretty sweet". By the time we hit a few months and when the constant feeding was becoming easier I was crazy about my funny and cute little baby. It's been yeeears now and I still think my kid is the best thing since sliced bread.

It's a weird time but you're definitely not the only one feeling like that. I also didn't have any friends when I had my baby. I am introverted and wasn't really fussed about friends anyway, but ended up making loads at baby groups, and now that my kid is in school I've made tons of friends at the school gates without even trying. 🤣 It does make it easier having a few people around you who are in the same situation.

You won't be a terrible mother. It's just a big change and feeling like crap isn't going to help you get excited about your baby. I hope you feel better soon! 🤗

I think sudden oh shit what have I done can be pretty normal when the actual pregnancy happens.

I conceive fast and won’t deny the oh crap I’m pregnant when we were trying like it was a huge unexpected thing or something 😂 I love my children and shopping for the baby items just not the kind of person whose bouncing around the room about it till maybe 16 weeks.

Be easy on yourself. Pregnancy can be very difficult, especially the first trimester.

I hate pregnancy, I am low grade miserable through the entire thing (even though I want the baby).

Pregnancy can be very isolating. You're having such a different experience to everyone around you. You can't join in with stuff in the same way and like you said a lot of your friends are in a different life stage so it probably feels like you can't share this experience with anyone.

You will feel better in the second trimester physically which I hope helps you but please try not to be hard on yourself about feeling this way.

I found it pretty weird until the first scan because for us it happened first try and in my late 30s I was not expecting that at all. I'd read so much about how hard it is after 35 that I was in shock.
In terms of loneliness, this is a perfect chance to meet people in the same position as you. I went to pregnancy yoga and aquanatal and met lovely people there who knew exactly what I was going through. I drifted away from most of them in the first year post birth (most of us moved house as we'd been city centre) but they were great company through pregnancy and those first months of maternity leave when you feel so vulnerable and your baby is tiny.

Pregnancy can be quite a lonely time - as really you are going through it alone, it’s difficult for others to really understand the emotions / physical changes etc.

Particularly so in these early days when you are awaiting scans, haven’t told people etc.

I don’t think I quite came to terms with the reality of being pregnant until the baby was born. The rest of the time I thought ‘has there been some mistake?’.

Good luck with your pregnancy OP.

Being pregnant is shit! I hated it. I also sort of understand how you feel about being 'embarrassed'. I really didn't like being visibly pregnant because I hated people knowing something personal that I hadn't told them. I felt oddly self conscious. I'd never been a super 'baby' person so I didn't really know how to be outwardly about my pregnancy. Ultimately I was excited about the baby coming but not really in the early days. There is no correct way to feel.

Morning Sickness 100% kills off any excitement, but you're nearly at the end of that hopefully and will start to feel better soon! I'm 35 weeks with my 2nd and totally over it, just give me my baby now i've had enough 😂It's even harder when nobody really knows too, it's hard and it is lonely partners just dont understand. I remember having my head in the toilet at about 8 weeks crying thinking I really cant do this! But I did, now he's 4 and I went through it all again for this little monkey.

Give yourself some grace and be honest with Partner, you can look forward to having a Baby and not Pregnancy! 💗

The first trimester is miserable and it's hard to feel excited or positive about the pregnancy when you feel that awful. I spent the first 12 weeks lying on the sofa or in bed, vomiting, not going out, not seeing anyone, and understandably my mood was very low as a result. I used to lie awake at night panicking about baby arriving and how much life would change. And this is a very wanted pregnancy!

I'm 30 weeks now and feel pretty good, apart from the odd bit of back and ligament pain. Can't wait for baby to arrive and feel ready to embrace the chaos. You won't feel like this forever, don't be so hard on yourself.

It’s a huge thing when finding out you're pregnant, especially that first trimester of uncertainty in terms of miscarriage chances, and feeling crap from sickness and exhaustion. Have you had a scan yet? Once you do you may feel differently and more connected. If not, still fine, it’s a long journey and you may find when you start to feel movements that’s when you feel that connection and excitement.

On the loneliness point - having a baby really is a brilliant way to make friends as an adult! I was the same and had moved to a new area to be with DH and had no friends. I started meeting other expectant mums through an app called peanut - hopefully it’s still around. It’s basically equivalent to a dating app but for mums to find other mum friends. I met some lovely friends who were due around the same time. Gave me someone to discuss everything with and now I’m still great friends with several of them 4 years later, with our children being friends too. There may also be local Facebook groups with meet ups for new mums. Have a look around.
Then I also made a bunch of lovely friends from attending baby groups. I now have a huge circle of friendships, all of which have been through having a child. (I meet many of them for evenings out without the kids too!).

Usually when we experience change in our lives, that change is reversible e.g. if you wanted to, you could split with your DP, move to a different location etc etc. This is a permanent change and I don't say that to scare you but more of offer some perspective on your feelings - it's pretty terrifying that you lose control when pregnant. And the baby is abstract so its hard to feel really positive about it, just panic about how life will be different. Its normal to feel worried and for that anxiety to manifest as panic/negativity towards the pregnancy. Its also normal for those feelings to change as your pregnancy advances, your baby grows and then when he or she is born.

Be gentle with yourself. It doesnt mean there is something wrong with you or that you dont love your baby.

And as PP have said, babies/children are a great way to meet people. You haven't built your network yet, but you will.