Tween Party Question

[Iloveshoes123]

My nearly 12YO DD is having a fairly big party and I want to send a message saying not to bring presents. Is this okay or would anyone be offended?
YABU - don’t do it!
YANBU - people will be happy to not have the hassle of presents

Thanks

Why can’t she have presents?

Just stay out of it and let people do what they want. People may feel obligated to give money instead by that message.

Why no presents?

Sure you can, here's the wording:

"DD is having a party, but we don't want her to have fun or indulge her on her special day. So fuck off with your presents. Also, don't expect cake. We don't believe in cake in this house."

Reason is because there are 20+ kids coming and she really doesn’t need anything. I know generally speaking no-one needs presents but she will get loads from us and loads of money from family. I also don’t want it to look like she invited everyone to get presents. She is a gift oriented kid but even she thought it was best to say no gifts!

She will have plenty of fun and cake! She will have a day out with family on her actual birthday, this party and another smaller party with some other friends. She’s really not hard done by!

It seems perfectly reasonable to me OP to tell the other parents not to bother with presents, although you would need to make it clear that included gifts of money as well.
I think it sounds like a really good idea not to encourage fixation on birthday gifts. It's quite frightening the way a lot of posters on MN are absolutely obsessed with ott multiple birthday celebrations and grandiose birthday presents.

Oh get over yourself and don't be so smug. Who the hell is expecting 'grandiose' birthday presents from a group of 12 year olds? That's right no one. 'Frightening' that a 12 year gets a few gifts for her birthday!

Interesting that the first question to the OP is 'Why can't she have presents'. Amazing that the OP can locate a parent based site, join and post a question but struggles to form the sentence 'No gifts required' on a party invitation. Maybe OP had a virtue signalling brain fart.

i didn’t send invites and no idea what point there would be virtue signalling on an anonymous site!
anyway thanks for the responses.

Given the responses I think I won’t do it because (1) people here seem to think it’s so awful and (2) I’m worried people would think I mean cash instead.

I tried this a few years ago with a younger child. It was a total disaster. Some people still thought gifts which caused worry for those which had not. Not worth the bother IMO

What on earth do you mean " get over yourself" ? Why be so rude ?

I was talking about the way the adults on MN treat birthdays. Presumably their expectations that birthdays should be treated like royal occasion are instilled in them from childhood.

I would find it awkward if someone said no presents and as pointed out would assume cash instead. If you feel that bad about her having the gifts just accept them politely on the day and then see if a children's hospital would like them or an organisation that supports families in need. Unopened gifts are always wanted, especially this time of year in preparation for Christmas.

It’s not that I feel bad about her having them. I suspect most people will give money and she will like any presents she gets it just seemed like a lot because there are so many coming but it seems like a bit of a minefield so will just leave it. Thanks for the comments (even the snarky ones!). I’m so glad I asked.

People like to give presents to meet their social obligations, so I've found it's best to let them do that. We don't need them so they get regifted or sold on Vinted so they're not taking up space.

It’s incredibly refreshing for once on MN to hear from a parent who’s NOT grabby about their DC’s birthday, so I applaud you.

I think it’s fine to say no gifts but make sure you send the invitations out in plenty of time, and make sure the wording is prominent and non-ambiguous. “No gifts required” is a little ambiguous IMO. I would word it something like: “NO GIFTS PLEASE - please make a charity donation in lieu if you wish. Thank you!”

Or you could even specify a charity. I think something like that makes it very clear and leaves it to the other parents to choose to do a charity donation or not.

As a parent of 3 teens / tweens, I found that this is the age where they start to buy the presents for friends and my dc all loved the gifts because they were more personal.

Wow the replies!! Looks like it’s going to be a mean girl day.

OP - of course it’s fine! Lots of people do it now and if your DD has agreed then there won’t be any upset.

just say we’d love for you all to come along - no gifts required! Of course people will ignore that (based on the replies here where people think only they know best!) but you may halve them at least. Then the ones you do get you can donate or put in a class raffle?

I'm with you. I hate all the tat we get from parties. There’s nowhere to put it all and it often goes unused.