Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change my mind about a concert with a friend

19 replies

heatherwithapee · 31/08/2025 21:10

My friend and I have a common interest in a particular artist so I suggested we could go to an upcoming concert. I was looking forward to a nice meal beforehand to catch up and then on to the concert.
She’s since messaged to say that her DH would like to join us and could I book a third ticket. To be honest, I’m not keen on her DH (very much a big man child who will whinge about the meal and complain that the music is too loud) and I’m a bit bemused as to why he wants to come as it’s not really his scene, but never mind.
I’d be much happier to say he can have my ticket so just the pair of them go rather than feel like I’m tagging along like a third wheel all evening, but does that make me sound like a spoilt brat? I don’t get to go out much so really value my time and the dynamic of this evening has now changed so that I’d be spending money and time on an evening that I wouldn’t enjoy in the same way as I would’ve done if it was just my friend and I.

OP posts:
Childanddogmama · 31/08/2025 21:14

Is the concert seated? Because it would be a shame if you had already bought the tickets and couldn't get another seat next to the ones you already have 😉

NarnianQueen · 31/08/2025 21:14

Would you enjoy it on your own? Could you subtly separate yourself from them once you’re there?

iirbRosb · 31/08/2025 21:26

If you don’t think you’d enjoy it then say he can buy the ticket from you.
Howevet what you should really do is be brave and say you were looking forward to an evening with her and having him there will change the dynamic so can it just be the two of you as planned

pizzaHeart · 31/08/2025 21:29

Have you booked tickets already?

Enrichetta · 31/08/2025 21:30

You can do one of three things…

Book a ticket for husband - preferably away from where you and friend are sitting
Don't go and pass your ticket to husband
Tell friend you’d rather it were just the two of you going.

I’d go with the last option.

Zanatdy · 31/08/2025 21:31

I can understand that, and feels a bit mean of her to invite her DH when you’ve already made plans to go just the two of you. Yes it changes the dynamic a lot. Maybe make up an excuse as to why you can’t go now so he can have your ticket, and hope he gets the hint for next time.

JurassicPark4Eva · 31/08/2025 21:32

"Hi Jane, tbh I was really looking forward to seeing you and having a girls night the two of us at this concert. I didn't think John liked the band?"

And leave it at that.

WinterSunglasses · 31/08/2025 21:35

Enrichetta · 31/08/2025 21:30

You can do one of three things…

Book a ticket for husband - preferably away from where you and friend are sitting
Don't go and pass your ticket to husband
Tell friend you’d rather it were just the two of you going.

I’d go with the last option.

Four things. The fourth being 'ah, sorry, can't get hold of another ticket!' You don't have to facilitate this.

I know lots of posters recommend the 'be honest and say how you really feel' route, but it can backfire where there's the chance you become the bad guy, or where you're dealing with difficult people. I would tell the lie.

HomeSeeker2025 · 31/08/2025 21:38

Could you say oh damn i cant make it anymore anyway, he can buy my ticket

Zov · 31/08/2025 21:42

If you already have the tickets - and they are seated - there's a strong likelihood that the seat next to the 2 you have already booked won't be available. It would help if we knew if it was seated, or just standing.

Very annoying for her to do this though, even if you did get on with him. I HATE it when I arrange something with someone, and they invite someone else along. It changes the dynamic, and creates awkwardness. Not for the one who has invited the extra person as they know both of you/are close to both of you. But for the other person, and the 'extra invited one' it's weird.

Why do people do this?!!! Confused

I would say 'oh man, what a stroke of luck that he wants to go, coz I can't make it now, so he can buy my ticket.' (I think another poster suggested this...)

JohnBullshit · 31/08/2025 21:44

If it's GA, he can book his own ticket. Likewise if it's seated. What are the chances of finding a seat next to ones that are already booked?
Totally different dynamic, I agree, but don't you want to go to the gig?

TeenLifeMum · 31/08/2025 21:46

I’d say “I’m not really up for third wheeling, I was thinking this was a girly night for the two of us. Would you mind if we stick to the original plan?”

LoserWinner · 31/08/2025 22:04

Goodness, how jolly convenient! You’ve just realised that you double booked that evening, so if her husband can use your ticket, you don’t feel conflicted about letting her down?

dogcatkitten · 31/08/2025 22:07

Can you invite someone else as well?

Original poster
heatherwithapee · 31/08/2025 22:48

Childanddogmama · 31/08/2025 21:14

Is the concert seated? Because it would be a shame if you had already bought the tickets and couldn't get another seat next to the ones you already have 😉

Seated but unreserved.

OP posts:
Trovindia · 31/08/2025 22:50

Just tell her you are looking forward to it being you and her and don't want to be gooseberry.

NewLifter · 31/08/2025 22:54

I wouldn't be lying that you now can't go as actually that makes YOU look like the flaky one!

I would either tell her how you feel, or just accept you're now going alone. I wouldn't be going out for dinner as a threesome personally.

IMissSparkling · 31/08/2025 22:56

Tell her it's sold out. Even if it's not!

TortoiseMantle · 31/08/2025 22:58

There is nothing worse!

’Ah I told my DH/DB/DS he couldn’t come because it’s a girls’ night. Do you mind if we keep it like that?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page