Would you make child move school when if they don't want to?

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Dd is meant to start year 3 and has been bullied at her current school for the last couple of years. We have an offer at another school but she doesn't want to move.

Her current school is terrible at dealing with bullying. One of the bullies has left but the other has now been moved into her class. Dd says she loves the school and everywhere has bullies - mainly she doesn't want to leave her friends, not that she has all that many.

However, when it's school time, she was really unhappy about the bullying, had nightmares, self harmed etc. Am at a loss about what to do. I would really love her to move as the current school is rubbish and SLT are ineffective, they also keep losing staff because of the lack of leadership, discipline in the school and decent support for SEN. Anyone else has been in such a situation? Any advice would be great.

The first thing is that you and the child’s father need to agree to present a united front to her. It will only drive her anxiety if you are telling her two different things.

The second thing is that if you have a child going into Y3 she will be seven years old. She shouldn’t be making this decision, or feeling that it’s her decision to make. You need to be explaining that this is an adult decision, that the bullying isn’t her fault and a fresh start in a new school will help her. Or (if you decide not to send her) explaining that there is bullying in all schools and that you think that she’ll find a way through.

The main thing is that it is massively unhelpful to present a divided front to a seven year old. This will only make her feel anxious. What school she goes to is far less consequential than the atmosphere at home, and the fact she may be feeling responsible for a decision she can’t possibly fathom.

One of my biggest regrets was leaving my child at a school where they were bullied. The school was useless.
If you’re not moving house surely your DD can still have playdates with her friends from her current school.

No offence OP- when people come on and say their 16yr old son won’t go to school I get it, they can’t make them. But she’s 7! She will go tl
school, whatever school you as her parent decide she should go to. Your husband doesn’t sound like he gets the severity.

All schools do have bullies but there’s a huge difference in school ethos and the way they deal with bullies. I’d ask the new school to give you concrete examples of how they have deal with bullying in the past and how they know their approach is effective before moving your daughter. All schools will tell you they deal with it, but what that actually looks like in
practice can vary hugely.

I’d not be accepting my 7 year old making threats in the way she is - you’re her parent and you make decisions based on her long term interest. What’s her dad’s suggestion for dealing with bullying at either school? Or is he laying down the law but not picking up the pieces?

Her dad does think it's bad but also thinks moving schools is too dramatic. The current set up is there were four kids who are particularly difficult in her year, one has left and the other one just moved to her class although I have told the school that at the end of y1 my Dd and this girl were put in different classes because of bullying. However, I think their main concern is the two girls in one class being too disruptive to the rest of the class and thus separating them this year.

School's position is they are trying their best but kids have SEN so we need to be mindful and school don't have resources for more staff to support these children.

In my heart of hearts, I just want her to have a year when she goes to school not feeling scared or dreading it.

The school know you child is self-harming and move her bully into her class?

If you go into the school and tell tell the HT that you will be waiting beside her/his car and will have a discussion on the actions of the bullies and harm how fast would it take them to have you off school property with a police report of your conduct?

Move your child. The school are willing to let your child come to serious harm or even die because you are a "nice" parent.

And tell your DH to grow up and fight for whatsis best for his child.

It's a hard decision! The biggest thing that would make me reconsider is the fact that any new school you move her to could also have bullies, and maybe even worse ones! It's hard to come into a new school where everyone else already have friends and you don't know anyone. New school might be brilliant and she might thrive or alternatively it could be worse. How sure are you about the new school being better?

At her age, parents make the decision.

Whilst all schools might have bullies, good schools don’t allow them the opportunity to bully and it tends to be isolated incidents.

Why don’t you and your husband tour the school your suggesting and speak to the senior management.
Next you and husband speak to a physician, self harming at this age needs help.
If you insist on his support take him with you to speak to the professionals.
i agree it seems like moving is needed.

We have been to the other school and have friends with kids there. It seems like a nice school and doesn't have any particularly difficult kids.

Yes, I’d insist. But I’d emphasise how things are rarely set in stone and that if after a couple of terms, she hadn't settled, she could always go back. Most things can be ‘undone’ and I find highlighting that often makes it less scary. She's at a good age for a move. Children are still open to making new friends relatively easily.

My DD was also bullied and reluctant to move. We gave her two taster days in the school she is now at and although she hated the first day she loved the second and was happy to move. We had a few ups and downs but overall it has been the best decision we could have made for her.

I would move her - kids are adaptable. We moved house a lot as a child and I went to 4 different schools in different parts of country by the end of primary.

Move her but arrange playdates with current friends

I definitely think she needs a trial day or even better a trial week - would she agree to that?

Please move her. My brother was in this position, my parents wanted him to move but he refused so they didn't. And his mental health paid the price. Your daughters self esteem will be so low that she will be terrified that she won't make any friends in her new school, she is clinging on to what she knows as that feels safer than something new.