Anxious, upset and sad about leaving DD to give birth

[elm26]

To those of you with more than one, is this normal?

DD (2yo) is going to my Dad & Stepmum’s Thursday as I’m being induced and I feel physically sick with what feels like guilt and anxiety.

My Dad & Stepmum are absolutely the best grandparents and DD adores them, she doesn’t bat an eyelid leaving me or DH to spend the day or night with them. She stays over 5/6 times a year I guess.

Stepmum is a Nanny and works for a lovely family who are happy for DD to go to work with her, we’ve met up for play dates before and DD is only a couple of months apart in age from their DD, I know DD will have the best fun, they go out every day, they do drawing/colouring, reading, playing etc it’s not the logistics I’m worried about so I cannot pinpoint for the life of me why I feel like this.

I keep packing and unpacking her little suitcase which is ridiculous in itself, we live 20 mins away so can give my Dad a key in case DH is with me and DD needs something specific that I haven’t packed.

I had a long induction with DD, it took 4 days to get me to 2cm so they could break my waters and then a further day to get me a space on delivery suite to start the drip and I had her on day 6, home on day 7. Longest I’ve left DD is 3 nights with DH whilst I went on my friends hen do. I’m really worried I’m going to be stuck in there for a week missing her, I need to check if they allow them to visit before baby is born, I know siblings of all ages can visit certain times once baby is here but then I’m thinking if it is slow and does get to day 2/3 and she is missing me, will it unsettle her to see me and leave again? I guess we will have to see what she is like at the time.

I also suddenly feel as if I’m messing our entire life up, she has a great routine, never had a problem with sleep, recently moved her from cot to single bed no fuss what so ever, she’s easy going, she’s starting pre school in January. The last week I’m suddenly thinking what the hell have we done?! (This baby was planned and wanted so why do I feel like this?)

I guess I’m just asking for reassurance that it’s normal/hormones/big changes and that everything will be okay and I’ll look back in a years time and think why did I worry myself sick over that? (I 100% know that 2 under 3 is going to be hard, it’s more the initial part).

It’s keeping me up at night, I’m picking at the skin around my nails, I can’t settle and sit down/watch tv in the evening I’m pacing, literally driving myself mad.

It's very normal. I didn't feel like it until few days after dc2's birth but I totally relate to all those feelings. It's a huge adjustment and you are probably feeling a bit nervous. I promise you it will be fine. Accept that you might feel like this for a few weeks (months) but you haven't ruined anything. There are huge benefits to having siblings for both the older and the younger. Your heart will absolutely melt when your older dc is showing the younger one how to do something. I have the most amazing video of ds (now 15) teaching dd how to walk.

Yes its very normal. But she will be fine.
I had to stay in hospital for 1 week when dd2 was born and dd1 was 2 years old. She missed me terribly even though she was with her grandparents who she was very close to and her dad. She once had to be carried from the post natal ward screaming for me which was awful. But there was no lasting damage. We came home with her little sister and she immediately jumped into helpful big sister mode and was her usual happy self.

I think it's just nerves from hormones, the upcoming birth, the huge change. It's ok, it will all be fine.

Oh, OP. It's completely normal! She's going to be fine! It's a big change, and your hormones are all over the place.

One of my memories of being in hospital with DS2 is DS1 coming to visit (so I'd not seen him for a couple of days) and my teeny tiny DS1 suddenly looked MASSIVE sat on my hospital bed compared to newborn DS2, and it completely freaked me out. But honestly it will all be fine and DS2 completely adored DS1. Don't beat yourself up, and enjoy your changing family!

Normal to feel like this, but it sounds like she is in really good hands.

Yes, I felt exactly the same when I had to leave DS to have my second. Also a two year age gap and I was a mess in the days leading up to the c section for my second. I had to stay in hospital for a few nights afterwards so DS came to visit and he was totally fine seeing me then leaving again so try not to worry too much. They are far more adaptable than you think!

Your hormones are all over the place, so YANBU to feel anything you are feeling, but it sounds like you couldn't have a more perfect set up.

On a reasoned, logical level, I'm sure you know yourself YABVU. She will be absolutely fine on her little holiday.

Also, 2nd babies are overwhelming MUCH quicker than first babies.

I had to go into hospital 10 days before my C-section, I was 2 hours away from home. My daughter was 3. It was awful to leave, but once I was in, I was ok. Face times and lots of updates, she came to visit twice. She was absolutely fine, with grandparents or my husband. Once I'd had DS, I was almost self discharging as I was so desperate to get home.

I honestly still feel sad at times thinking of that time, but it was a necessity and really, a small blip in the grand scheme of life. Your DD will be absolutely fine, and bet she will be spoilt rotten!

I had to reply because I could have written something similar a few months ago. How you’re feeling is so normal.

I would rock DD1 to sleep after reading to her in the run up to DD2’s arrival and I would be in tears watching her sleep thinking of the change that was about to happen in her life. The night before my elective C-section, I was extremely hormonal and emotional and I was beating myself up about how inconsiderate I’d been having two under two! 🙈

Anyway, she had such a special time with my parents and the little photos and video updates from your dad and stepmum will be an oxytocin boost for you. I have a video of DD1 toddling down the hospital corridor towards me, to meet her baby sister. You have all this to look forward to OP! We got her a gift “from the baby” which she was so chuffed with! I really recommend this btw.

I feared the age gap but they are so close already and, although it can be hard some days, when I see their bond it makes everything worth it. Like my midwife said to me when I expressed my worries, lots of us have siblings with small age gaps and it didn’t do us any lasting damage! 😂 Quite the contrary: I am so happy to have my sister - my first best friend.

Second babies often arrive much faster, of course!

Thank you to everyone has replied. You’ve all really helped calm me!

We have got DD a gift bag from baby brother which includes a book for her age about being a big sister (she loves reading), some bubbles and stickers (2 of her favourite things), some chocolate buttons and a photo frame which says “me and my little brother” on it for their first photo, she loves having photos in her room so I’m hoping this helps her like him 😂

She talks about him all the time and when she’s in the bath etc she says “I help mummy/daddy bath baby brother” and says about sharing her bath bubbles bless her. She’s also said that she can’t wait to bounce on the bed with him 🤦🏻‍♀️ I did explain that’ll be a long while yet 😂

I’m hoping my midwife and consultant are correct and that baby number 2 will likely be quicker. I’ve had period pains in my front and back for the last 2 weeks so I’m hoping to already be 2cm so they can just break my waters instead of the dilation rods and pessaries I had with DD which is what took the most time.