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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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14 replies

Sarahdoing482 · 31/08/2025 17:01

My husband used to run his own successful business for 13 years – he had 17 staff, a warehouse, and offices. Then Covid hit and sadly it all collapsed. We had it all, lovely cars and the only thing we have now to show for it a lovely bit paid off house no mortgage etc holidays many times a year, so very lucky I know to still have our house.

Since then he’s been working in different jobs to support us. A quick rundown:

  • First job lasted 9 months – redundancies were made, then the company went into liquidation.
  • Second job – he didn’t get on with the owners (he wasn’t the only one, high staff turnover).
  • Third job – where he is now. He’s been here since, loves the actual role, and until recently everything was fine.

His original manager left, and a new (younger) manager has come in. Since then it’s been awful. The new manager asked him some personal questions early on when on a teams call to him, in kitchen background I think it is a lovely big kitchen; didn’t like the answers, and from that point seems to have had it in for him.

In just 6 weeks:

  • He’s been put on a PIP (performance plan), despite always meeting targets.
  • The manager tried to issue a warning, but my husband appealed and the directors overturned it.
  • Now the same manager has jumped straight to stage 2 of the PIP and is pushing for a final written warning.

What’s baffling is that with his old manager (and the director who interviewed him originally), there were zero issues for over a year. The director still gets on really well with my husband and has even overruled things in his favour.

But this new manager just seems determined to make his life miserable. My husband feels so low – he’s upset, angry, and starting to feel worthless (though he never takes it out on me). It’s heartbreaking to see.

He’s now talking about starting up a new business again. I honestly think he can do it, but he’s lost so much confidence from all this.

What would you do in this situation? Stick it out and fight, or cut losses and back himself again?

OP posts:
Sarahdoing482 · 31/08/2025 17:11

should be big not bit* can’t edit sorry

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AnPiscin · 31/08/2025 17:13

Your poor DH, that sounds really tough.

You don't mention if you're currently working - that'll make a difference to the situation.

Sarahdoing482 · 31/08/2025 17:15

AnPiscin · 31/08/2025 17:13

Your poor DH, that sounds really tough.

You don't mention if you're currently working - that'll make a difference to the situation.

I am working now, I do 3 days a week and look after our child rest.

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AnPiscin · 31/08/2025 17:18

If your DH really likes the job and wants to stay I'd say he should go through every avenue to try to avoid being pushed out. If the manager does succeed in getting him fired, he could have a case for constructive dismissal (may be worth reminding the directors of this).

If he's just had enough and can't be bothered fighting then it may be worth looking into starting another business. Whether that's feasible depends on how much you bring in and if that will be enough to pay bills for at least a year - it'll probably take that long for the business to make any money.

Luddite26 · 31/08/2025 17:19

Just back him whatever. But I would be tempted to stick this job out while starting the new business. Don't make it easy for the manager who sounds such a wanker.
Hope DH is ok.

Sarahdoing482 · 31/08/2025 17:22

He loves the job, but I know his heart is in running his own business in the same industry before but more niche segment he wants to enter.

It’s so sad to see, he drinks a bit now not excessive but gained a bit of weight.

We have £0 debts and not real outgoings, my salary can support.

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Pieceofpurplesky · 31/08/2025 17:24

What were the personal questions? If they were not professional did he flag them with the directors?

Sarahdoing482 · 31/08/2025 17:25

Luddite26 · 31/08/2025 17:19

Just back him whatever. But I would be tempted to stick this job out while starting the new business. Don't make it easy for the manager who sounds such a wanker.
Hope DH is ok.

I think he will stay there and build this new company up whilst still being employed and play the pip game.

He has showed me his a top performer what makes it stranger.

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Sarahdoing482 · 31/08/2025 17:27

Pieceofpurplesky · 31/08/2025 17:24

What were the personal questions? If they were not professional did he flag them with the directors?

Asking him about if current house is rented or mortgaged and what he did previously. When he was in teams video call

my husband was very honest. Didn’t flag it. As previously this manager got on with him well before this incident.

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PosiePetal · 31/08/2025 17:28

Start in business by yourselves again if you can. Maybe start slowly and build it up. It’s hard taking orders when you know how to run a business and especially when working for (what sounds like) a little upstart.

Sarahdoing482 · 31/08/2025 17:30

PosiePetal · 31/08/2025 17:28

Start in business by yourselves again if you can. Maybe start slowly and build it up. It’s hard taking orders when you know how to run a business and especially when working for (what sounds like) a little upstart.

He’s acting very well as an employee currently: but I think he’s plan is to start this new business and just registered a Ltd company, but stay employed.

He has won business awards previously etc. from well know business people in U.K. when he had his other company.

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Sarahdoing482 · 31/08/2025 17:30

Has anyone else experienced this?

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HoskinsChoice · 31/08/2025 17:58

The obvious thing would be for you to go full time to allow him to take a step back whilst he plans the new business.

Sarahdoing482 · 31/08/2025 18:07

HoskinsChoice · 31/08/2025 17:58

The obvious thing would be for you to go full time to allow him to take a step back whilst he plans the new business.

He had a few days off this week to get things moving, but won’t be until March 2026 until launched as product testing etc takes time. He has however got his terms agreed and the factory he is working with believe in his idea.
Agreed to his terms. What is unbelievable what he wanted he really is gifted at the business side and it’s the biggest factory in his field known for quality etc.

He just wants to keep himself to himself and then tell this manager where to go, he said.

I just don’t understand why a manager would do this to such a lovely man is it jealously and because he won his appeal?

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