To think that financially speaking, many women are still stuck in the 19th century?

[Newmeagain]

I probably spend too much time on mumsnet, probably because it is such a fascinating window into other people’s lives.

One thing that I have found completely astounding is how many women live in a set up where they are a SAHM (or work very part time and are almost a SAHM) but have limited access to money. It’s very much “his money” and best case scenario they may have an allowance. Just saw a post about someone being “gifted” some money from their DH’s bonus to buy themselves something. A bit like a child may be given some spending money.

Or alternatively women who work, have responsibility to home/children and struggle and pay their “share”.

In some ways their position, financially speaking, is worse than in the past because I think some men nowadays are really resentful about having to share their earnings (whereas in the past that was the expectation) but don’t want to do their share, so you get this really terrible dynamic of women who are the primary care givers but are are also really resented - almost like an unpaid nanny/housekeeper?

Sorry my original message wasn't very clear.

Friend 1 is a good friend and is married and her husband seems decent. I have no reason to think she is financially abused, it's just that it's an expensive choice (of hers predominantly from what I can tell) to homeschool and the kids all wear frugi, barefoot shoes and they eat out a lot. Her husband doesn't earn thaaat much and they are always skint by the end of the month.

Friend 2 isn't really a friend, more of an acquaintance from the school run as her son is friends with mine. It's her who isn't married and has made comments that were a bit odd re money but I don't feel I know her well enough to ask that kind of thing.

Rearing children requires work. Of course it bloody does! You either do it yourself or pay someone else to do it, but the work doesn't miraculously disappear just because you have outsourced it. Parents, especially mothers, will allows be at a huge disadvantage until this is properly acknowledged by society
Working, even FT doesn't mean that you are not rearing your children. Or do parents stop tearing their children once they start school FT?

What is outsourced is some basic care and entertainment, the rest of parenting, ie. The main part is done mornings, evenings, weekends and during holidays.

If it was proven that children of SAHM fair so much better than those whose mother work, I could acknowledge you have a point, but it is not the case. I raised my two children totally on my own whilst working FT and I can proudly say that I've done an amazing job. I also managed to secure my future. I am now married but we manage our money separately and that's absolutely fine because we are both financially independent. I wouldn't want it any other way. I've spoken in great detail with my son how hard it is to have children and work and that he will have to do his part. He has said to me that he is fully committed to do his half of looking after his children when the time comes, because he wants to but he also said that he wouldn't have children with a partner who wants to be a sahm. He wants it 50/50 all around and I do think that is indeed the best for all.

My MIL, her sisters and some friends never went back to work. They get given allowances and don’t have a clue about their dh’s monies. Interestingly, my FIL won’t tell her but my DH is fully informed. Very old fashioned.