Housework stress- how do you keep on top of it ?!

[fwinklefryfry]

I’m reaching out because I’m really struggling to keep on top of housework while raising young kids, and it’s honestly starting to feel overwhelming. I love my kids, but I feel like I’m drowning in chores and it’s affecting my mental health.
Between the constant mess, laundry piling up, dishes that never seem to end, and the general chaos that comes with having toddlers, I’m finding it hard to keep everything running smoothly. There are days when I feel like I’m running in circles, trying to clean while dealing with tantrums, snacks, and playtime. By the time I get one thing clean, the next mess is already there.
The stress has really started to pile up, and I feel like I can’t give my kids the attention they deserve because I’m so focused on trying to manage everything.on top of this my hubby says “it’s fine” anytime I mention it, which I just find gets me angry because it’s absolutely not fine in my mind.
I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and how you’ve managed to keep your head above water. Any tips on balancing housework and family time without losing your sanity? Or even just advice on letting go of the guilt when the house isn’t perfectly tidy?

Lower your standards! You only have time to do what you have time to do and there's no point stressing sbout what you don't have time to do (I know that's easier said than done). Try to embrace your dh's 'it's fine' attitude (though I hope he's doing his bit too). What's that expression... 'Everyone fed, nobody dead'. . Nobody looks back on their life and wishes they'd done more housework!

I have a cleaner every two weeks who does the big jobs like bathrooms and kitchen and hoovers / mops through

Sounds like you are being too hard on yourself and need to lower your expectations re housework.
It’s far more important that you have quality time with DC. The time goes so quickly!
Nobody expects to see a showhome when you have young children.

I agree drop your standards. By all means do the basics, but the rest can be done as and when. Quality time with your children is far more important

It's a cliche, but life's too short to get stressed over housework and kids will only be small (and hopefully this messy) for a short time.

Outsource as much as you can. I have a robot vac and it's great, I send it around on a morning whilst I get on with the dishwasher, laundry, etc. If I had kids, I'd definitely feel no guilt at getting in a cleaner if that was within my means. Is your husband doing his share of the housework and childcare? Could you sit down with him and try to come to an agreement to a basic level of clean and tidy that you're both happy with? Eg washing up and kitchen sides wiped down at the end of each day, alternate doing a load of laundry each day (or however often you think it needs to not build up).

Depending on the age of the kids, can you start to teach them to help tidy up their toys at the end of the day? Make it a competition to see who can be the first to put away x number of toys.

Sounds like a DH problem
Posters always say lower your standards when the Op is already struggling

Words with DH
Divide jobs into yours /his
Meal plan
Ocado/ food delivery
Laundry one day only
One Touch system
Chuck things out if your house is cluttered

I got a cleaner. £40 to save my sanity and give the place some semblance of order. Still gets messy but I know the bathrooms and kitchen at least have been thoroughly cleaned.

I really thought you were going to say you're a single parent?

The way to keep on top of it is to make sure you and your husband have an equal amount of household duties, or as equal as possible depending on who works longer hours etc.

Then once the kids get to about 4 or 5 ish, they'll need to be told what's expected of them too - such as putting toys away and washing into baskets etc.

If everyone does their bit, it makes an amazing difference.

For me what worked was:

1- a cleaner once a week. She makes a dent in it and prevents us from living in actual filth
2- massively lowering my expectations of myself for a short period of time. My kids are 3 and 6. I do not iron or fold anything, everything gets washed together on a 40 degree cycle. I live with messy floors and worktops. I declutter as and when I have the energy. But I do not beat myself up about my house. I also don’t invite anyone over unless I have to!

Solidarity though; one day we will have immaculate homes again but this is not our season for it.

Also, "It's fine" is often code for "It's a bit shit but I'm going to pretend it's fine so I don't have to 'help'. "

Get rid of stuff
lower expectations
involve the kids in the cleaning up game

@fwinklefryfry I absolutely loathe housework so I know where you’re coming from.

My situation is very different from yours but the sheer drudgery and trying to keep on top of it is soul destroying. I took early retirement from a really high pressured job which was leading me to a breakdown so I was initially happy at home, doing all the chores as everyone else was working full time. But this morning when I went to start on the chores, I honestly wished I was back working again!!!

There’s only me, DH and adult DD at home but DD creates enough mess for four!! She does “clean up her mess” but it’s very superficial eg “washes” her pot but it’s still got some sauce left in it, wipes the counter but still leaves loads of detritus behind, puts her dishes away but not in the right place (think frying pan on top of the pots). I’ve stopped going on at her about it as we just ended up falling out all the time and she’s moving out soon so I’m just counting down the days!

DH does pull his weight but is full time in a job he hates (retiring next year) so he likes to do things on his days off rather than chores and with me working very part time (maybe 12 hours a week over only 5 months) I feel I should be doing the lion’s share.

Like PPs have said, I think it’s about keeping it realistic. House moderately tidy and “essential” areas clean (bathroom/kitchen), only iron absolute essentials, get DC involved as much as possible, consider outsourcing if you can.

But yeah, keeping house sucks!

I follow the organised mum TOM method although not 100% recently and it keeps it fairly tidy. Making sure everything has a place helps and then a little bit every day is the gist of it. But with young kids it’s never going to stay perfect so I keep it good enough!

We have a large family and DP and I team everything together. We just get all the housework and cleaning up done across the week with one doing ABC and the other doing XYZ Or taking turns to do things we don’t discuss it really, we just potter around each other productively

If he cooks I wash up and vice versa
if I am hoovering upstairs he will hoover downstairs
if I am cleaning one bathroom he will clean the other one
I tend to put the laundry on. He will get it out and dry it. We fold and sort it together.
After a meal one will clean the table the other stack the dishes
we straighten the house up before we head up to bed each night
each one takes out the bin bag when it’s full up
the last one out of bed makes the bed

If one of us is home without the other one then we will just clear up as we go along or leave it till later and do it together. We don’t argue about it or anything. I have higher standards than DP but keeping clutter to a minimum is the key to making it work

we also make sure each other gets time with the DC. So if one of us is doing the bedtime thing or takes out the DC, the other one who didn’t go will stay behind and clear up. Or we just do it together later on

Echo others

get a cleaner for the big jobs. Dishwasher!! Even if just to hide the dishes out of sight till after DC go to sleep/ nap

realise you will never lie on your deathbed wishing you had done the dishes more. Time with toddlers goes fast.

Declutter their toys…. This really helped me recently when I felt I lived in a dump . I hid toys from my DC that they barely played with for two weeks . Then after that got rid of them! Do they actually play with all their plastic drap or only a bit .

The less you own the less you clean