Sisters behaviour. Do I cut her off totally?

[whendovestry]

My sister has a very negative energy surrounding her. She spends any social time she can with friends/ other family bitching about others and how awful everyone is… even her close friends.
I do feel somewhat sorry for her as she is a dry alcoholic who hates not being able to drink and she is unhappily married.
yet again, I’ve been hearing that she has been back biting and trying to bitch to my closest friend!!! My friend cut her off and told her to start sorting herself out and that she wasn’t available for nastiness about me. She then tried to bitch about others who are meant to be important in her life.
the thing is… I essentially grey rock her. I keep very low contact with her but I do still see her a few times per year.
I get that she is deeply unhappy and I know it’s projection but despite all the work I’ve done on myself , it still really annoys me and irritates me.
Do I just drop this now? It’s been going on years. Thank you.

Of course it’s unacceptable but it’s a definite sign of her own unhappiness and disillusionment with her life. I have known people like this and they are almost always deeply unhappy with some area of their life. It’s not normal to be so vindictive and bitter towards others for no reason.

As for cutting her off, that’s up to you. Do you think she may be open to some sort of help or counselling to improve her life? Could you have a frank, calm discussion with her about why you find it difficult to listen to this pointless nastiness?

It's really hard to keep a relationship with someone you know will twist whatever you say and talk bad about you. In the end it's up to you to decide if there are positives.

I'm in a similar situation and, like, you I'm already low contact because siblings all live far apart and we've never been that close. So the problem is already sorted to a point. But I would look for some closure before going total NC. Can you tell her how upset her behaviour makes you and ask her why she's doing it, and is she aware she's doing it. Can you help in any way. If the result is her going defensive and abusing you - then go NC and live a free life. You are not responsible.

If you would feel better, go no contact. It may be less effort to stay low contact and grey rock her though.

IThanks . I live by the saying..’ silence cannot be misquoted’

My sister is the same. I haven't spoken to her since February and doubt I ever will again. Just go completely no contact, you don't have to speak to her just because she's your sister. My brother in law is also a massive arsehole so for me it was doubly easy!

I feel sorry for her . She is so draining and negative and really we all know that she is deeply sad and discontented but yet another untru story back is irritating. I guess I need to detach with love