We booked a holiday in August, booked it 3 weeks before we left because my DH is very last minute (suspected ADHD), he faffs around and isn’t decisive and can’t plan for things in the future. I’m the opposite, need organisation and planning and have been pestering him to book something since January. As we were limited with time, the holiday fell during the week before my period. If planned in advance I would’ve tried to avoid this time. I expressed my disappointment to DH about this and explained that I will need alone time and a little more consideration and empathy from him. He responds with “you’ll be fine you’re just overthinking it”. I packed everything (including his stuff), made a loose itinerary and booked restaurants. Once we arrived we didn’t stick to anything I had planned, which would’ve been fine if he knew what he was doing and had bothered to research the island. During the week before my period I need structure not uncertainty and I had expressed this beforehand. He was suggesting to go to beaches at 3pm that took an hour to get to with a 3 and 6yr old. We self catered so needed to do a supermarket run which he kept delaying saying we’ll do it later and the time never came until the day after next. We missed all our lunch/dinner reservations and tried no authentic food from the country. Just had ready made pizza and stuck it in the oven, or eggs and bread etc. I was furious about this. He is very chaotic and spontaneous and this is exactly what I couldn’t deal with during PMDD. When he would ask me where we should go or make a silly suggestion I would roll my eyes or huff or make a comment that he should’ve listened to me, I wasn’t aggressive but clearly very frustrated. He completely lashed out at me, blaming me for being so negative and angry. This then escalated the argument. I explained, this time not so calmly, that the whole situation is too chaotic for me right now and that he is pissing me off. My whole mood was sour from then on. I just wanted to curl up in bed and cry. When we got back to our apartment we had a massive argument, we both said some awful things. I tried to walk off many times but he would follow me around the apartment to tell me how awful I am, how I’m such a horrible negative person, I thrive off negativity. I begged him to stop, not infront of the kids but he didn’t stop.
I understand I’m not innocent in this situation where I did say some horrible things to him once provoked. I swore at him mum which I instantly regretted. A little later I swallowed my pride and tried to apologise but he didn’t not accept it. He treated me like a child. Made me sit down and explain why I said it.
once he calmed down things got a bit better but as soon as I questioned him or his decision on anything or expressed and anxiety or disappointment, he made me feel awful.
Now that I’m on my period and I don’t feel so awful I can see how much he affected me, how unhelpful he was in the situation and not even trying to understand that I am going through something. He generally isn’t very understanding of my PMDD but the holiday really highlighted this.