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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not buy a bigger house?

68 replies

Onekissisallittakes · 30/08/2025 19:25

So just not to drip feed, me and DH have 3 children aged 12, 9 and 3 (girl,boy,girl). We purchased our first house which was a 3 bedroom semi detached, it wasn't the dream house more of an investment, do it up, sell it and then buy our dream home. We've now been here 3.5 years and it's coming along nicely.
So the issue is, is bedrooms for our children. I fell unexpectedly pregnant with our youngest a month after we moved in, and she is still in our room as it's quite a large bedroom but ideally needs to go in with her sister soon (12 year old also has a fairly large room whereas our son has the box room). It doesn't feel right to put a 12 and 3 year old in the same room but it's tough luck at the moment. We hope to move in 2 years time as scheduled, but looking at rightmove currently all the 4 bed houses are absolutely horrible, all very small or in horrible areas or the nicer ones are just far too expensive, but the larger 3 bed houses with big gardens and ideal location and within our budget are perfect and what we always wanted.

So my AIBU question is, has anyone purchased a house that technically wasn't big enough I.e not enough rooms for each child, but did a sort of extension/granny flat? This is what me and DH are thinking, save the thousands on a crappy 4 bed, buy a nicer 3 bed but spend the money saved and create a space for the oldest child. It wouldn't be like an extra house, more of an outhouse that has an ensuite so she has a toilet in the night etc. it's also somewhere she can stay for for a very long time and not rush to move out when she hits her 20's. Is this a great idea or a terrible idea? I'm aware of the annoyance of her having to walk outside to get into the actual house for food etc but I'm trying to think of every option here, it would be much appreciated to hear from people that have actually done this and if it worked well for everyone.

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 30/08/2025 20:04

Onekissisallittakes · 30/08/2025 19:57

Unfortunately the houses in the area are not very nice or completely out of our budget by 50k. However larger 3 bed houses are very nice and in our budget

You won't get much change out of £50k for an annex or extension will you?

What do you mean by not very nice?

The problem with moving to another 3 bed and building is that it would be years until your DD has a room ready. Really not ideal.

Onwardspeople · 30/08/2025 20:04

Have I read that right? It’s “tough luck” to your 12 yr old that you chose to have another child so she has to share with a 3 yr old?

YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt · 30/08/2025 20:07

IOSTT · 30/08/2025 20:02

People have posted on previous threads about ways to turn a large double room into two smaller rooms - this sounds like a better solution for you.

Yes, if possible you and your Dh have a smaller room and turn the biggest bedroom into 2 small rooms. Putting up a stud wall should be quite cheap. Guess the problem is one might not have a window?

Tiggytico · 30/08/2025 20:08

We have a 3 (2.5) bed house with 2 children (one of each) but with a good ground floor extension. My son had the box room which is really small. We had a “garden room” built with a toilet and sink and is fully heated. The idea was that the room would be used as a “games room” for when the kids friends went round. My son “moved out” about 12 months ago and loves it. He’s just turned 16. The box room is now a “snug”. Not sure this helps as he’s always got the option of “moving back in” if he wants to. Like you, we couldn’t find the right house in the right area at the right price. It cost about £30K in total. Technically it is not classed as “habitable” in legal terms. Two years time he’ll be off to Uni and then who knows!

justdobetter · 30/08/2025 20:11

No, dont do it. Do you really havr the cash for building work? what you're suggesting could be 100k (in south east). better to save until you find a better 4 bed house.

itsgettingweird · 30/08/2025 20:13

Plenty of children share rooms.

There are some fab ideas for dividing rooms and if your DD current room is slightly smaller could you and DH swap to that room and the girls have yours?

ShodAndShadySenators · 30/08/2025 20:13

So my AIBU question is, has anyone purchased a house that technically wasn't big enough I.e not enough rooms for each child, but did a sort of extension/granny flat? This is what me and DH are thinking, save the thousands on a crappy 4 bed, buy a nicer 3 bed but spend the money saved and create a space for the oldest child.

It's very common for people to buy three bed semis and do a loft conversion so there's four bedrooms and space for a shower room in the conversion. If the houses you like are all three bed semis, check out their neighbours for loft conversions already done.

If you're looking to extend the house you're currently in, you could look at what neighbouring properties have had done for any ideas. If it's possible, at least you've saved some money on the moving process...

Onekissisallittakes · 30/08/2025 20:13

Tiggytico · 30/08/2025 20:08

We have a 3 (2.5) bed house with 2 children (one of each) but with a good ground floor extension. My son had the box room which is really small. We had a “garden room” built with a toilet and sink and is fully heated. The idea was that the room would be used as a “games room” for when the kids friends went round. My son “moved out” about 12 months ago and loves it. He’s just turned 16. The box room is now a “snug”. Not sure this helps as he’s always got the option of “moving back in” if he wants to. Like you, we couldn’t find the right house in the right area at the right price. It cost about £30K in total. Technically it is not classed as “habitable” in legal terms. Two years time he’ll be off to Uni and then who knows!

That sounds great!

OP posts:
IWasBornIn1989 · 30/08/2025 20:14

I’d put the 9yr old and 3yr old in the bigger room together and give the 12yr old their own space in the box room. Just for a few years and then review again.

Onekissisallittakes · 30/08/2025 20:15

Onwardspeople · 30/08/2025 20:04

Have I read that right? It’s “tough luck” to your 12 yr old that you chose to have another child so she has to share with a 3 yr old?

It wasn't a planned pregnancy but by no means was an abortion ever considered because we only had 3 bedrooms instead of 4! Things don't always work out like you think they do. Really unhelpful comment.

OP posts:
OrwellianTimes · 30/08/2025 20:15

They need seperate bedrooms, and under 18 is too young to have a separate annex.

Keep looking for 3 beds with second living rooms downstairs, or an attached garage that can be converted, or an attic that can be converted. Or 4 beds that need work.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 30/08/2025 20:16

If you look at the back of everyone elses house in your road ( view from your garden) do any of them have loft extensions ?

How much will be the legal/moving/getting your own house Sale Ready then add on legal fees/searches/stamp duty /moving costs for the next house .?
Then add on your refurbishment/building/decorating costs .

In your shoes I would search up some ideas on splitting the biggest room and if the loft conversion isn;t feasible , turn it into some clever storage

SereneCoralDog · 30/08/2025 20:17

Many large 3 beds will have 2 or 3 receptions - just have a downstairs bedroom.

We have 3 double bedrooms and 3 receptions. We use the smallest reception as our bedroom and the dc have one each upstairs.

Onekissisallittakes · 30/08/2025 20:17

IWasBornIn1989 · 30/08/2025 20:14

I’d put the 9yr old and 3yr old in the bigger room together and give the 12yr old their own space in the box room. Just for a few years and then review again.

I don't feel comfortable putting a boy and girl in the same room especially as he is 9 and has started to get shy undressing in front of us now but thank you for the suggestion.

OP posts:
Onekissisallittakes · 30/08/2025 20:18

SereneCoralDog · 30/08/2025 20:17

Many large 3 beds will have 2 or 3 receptions - just have a downstairs bedroom.

We have 3 double bedrooms and 3 receptions. We use the smallest reception as our bedroom and the dc have one each upstairs.

Yes I will definitely consider this!

OP posts:
greengreyblue · 30/08/2025 20:19

Why can’t the girls share a room? I shared with my sister and she’s 6 years older than me. We shared a big room and DB in the box room.
Or put up a stud wall to divide it?

piccalili · 30/08/2025 20:20

Can’t you look into ways of turning one of the large bedrooms in your current home into x2 small singles?

Crispynoodle · 30/08/2025 20:22

We bought a 5 bed with 3 rec when our kids were 10 15 18 and 20. It was a doer upper but it meant our children could have their own rooms and a living room area. This was great

IWasBornIn1989 · 30/08/2025 20:22

Onekissisallittakes · 30/08/2025 20:17

I don't feel comfortable putting a boy and girl in the same room especially as he is 9 and has started to get shy undressing in front of us now but thank you for the suggestion.

In that case I’d put the girls in the biggest room together and divide with shelving units or similar. The 12yr old will definitely need and want privacy

user1476613140 · 30/08/2025 20:24

itsgettingweird · 30/08/2025 20:13

Plenty of children share rooms.

There are some fab ideas for dividing rooms and if your DD current room is slightly smaller could you and DH swap to that room and the girls have yours?

Another fantastic situation.

If you don't want to move, you need to get creative with the space you do have OP!

DreamTheMoors · 30/08/2025 20:25

We grew up in a 1920-built 3-bed home.
My poor older sister had to share with me from the time I was in a crib to the time she turned 18 and left for uni.
She’s 5 years older than me.
Even after our older brother left home, instead of giving sister his room, my parents turned it into an office for my dad.
I always felt guilty about that - and it wasn’t even my fault.
Now we’re older, and it isn’t something we we dwell upon. I’ve asked her, and she calls me “a little shit,” and says it wasn’t a big deal.
We do talk about the laughter, the happy moments and the memories of our childhood, though.

user1476613140 · 30/08/2025 20:25

piccalili · 30/08/2025 20:20

Can’t you look into ways of turning one of the large bedrooms in your current home into x2 small singles?

Most obvious solution if you don't have two reception rooms...

soupyspoon · 30/08/2025 20:27

Onekissisallittakes · 30/08/2025 19:57

Unfortunately the houses in the area are not very nice or completely out of our budget by 50k. However larger 3 bed houses are very nice and in our budget

Are there any big 3 bedrooms where you can effectively split one of the bedrooms, perhaps put another window in?

NuovaPilbeam · 30/08/2025 20:28

Are you imagining those ready made relatively inexpensive garden office type out buildings? If so be warned, they are bloody freezing at night. You would not want to sleep in one, or you'd have to spend a fortune to heat it enough to.

soupyspoon · 30/08/2025 20:32

Dont underestimate the cost of a loft extension, SE coast here and was given a ball park figure of 40-60k for a bog standard, small 3 bed semi.

I didnt progress any further!!

And for those criticising OP for saying its tough luck for the 12 year old who has to share, well yes, thats life, children share with their siblings, they have since time immemorial. Its life, its family, its shared living. Children live in a family and they muck in together. Only here do I see such faux angst about kids sharing or having any sort of changes in their lives which 'werent their choice'

Of course its not their choice, they're kids, the adults make choices.

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