To have said enough is enough now?

[Deela10]

I was in a relationship with someone for a just under couple of years and I was pregnant age 34, unplanned. He was 40.

Both of us had wanted kids and so I continued the pregnancy. DP had a very stressful job at the time and pretty much had a breakdown when I was 6 months. It meant I gave birth alone and he saw our daughter for a few hours a week for first year. It was awful really but I wanted to make sure Dd knew her dad.

She’s 3 next year and since then DP has been pretty content with the status quo… that is seeing us every weekend and sending over far more than needed by way of financial support.

At the start of the year I said I wanted us to make a proper go of things or draw a line under us. I also said I thought I wanted another child and Dp was keen on this idea and said he would sort out a big enough home for us all by selling his place (a flat), getting a house and then I would rent out my house …I would be moving to him so we would use the rental income towards the mortgage. Around 6 weeks ago I said I wanted this to actually get moving otherwise another year has passed and we may as well accept we want different things. He was adamant he wanted this and was desperate for us all to be together and to ttc at the end of the year.

So that was the plan.

Five weeks have passed and he’s made no progress with valuing his flat let alone listing it.

Excuses include work, he’s been focussed on planning our trip to the Lake District in October, being stuck in the office on calls so has to email agents rather than call them (?!), the fact he was out all Saturday last week with us so didn’t have chance to peel off and make a call.

I have been explicit. When I say I just can’t do this anymore and that if he is remotely uncomfortable with moving forward as we agreed, then he should be honest and we can part ways amicably and do right by Dd. His response is then to say I’m giving him an ultimatum, it’s unfair, he’s doing his best, he loves us. The list goes on. I feel mentally and emotionally drained by it all. I just want peace, not living in limbo.

Am I being unfair to him? Is five weeks a reasonable time to get on with things? I don’t know what to do when I draw a line and he doesn’t accept it, it confuses me so much. I know I sound immature saying that… but it’s genuinely how it feels.

@Daleksatemyshed yes I feel like my life is on hold. It’s such a horrible feeling. I have explained all this to him many times over and he assures me he’s working on these things and wants all that too and wants us all to be together. They’re just words and I can almost recite what says to me now as we’ve been over the same conversation so many times. I’m an idiot and I wish I was a stronger person.

I think you just need the certainty of ending it OP.

He’s not going to do the things you want him too, and if he does he’ll be resentful and make life much harder than it would be without him.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing its hard. The only time he is affectionate is after a drink. I feel so bloody stupid for even entertaining the idea of a future. I wish I had more self respect but sadly it’s something I’ve had to try and manage all my adult life. Things could have been different if I had higher standards for myself.