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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this text rude?

27 replies

Intheblink · 30/08/2025 16:24

If you offered advice based on information that hadn't been given to you directly by the person you were advising, and received this message back, would you think it was incredibly rude? The advice hadn't been directly requested. I could probably have added a 'thanks for your concern', but I still don't feel it was a rude text?

Text: Hiya, thanks for the info, I'll bear that in mind 😊 xx

OP posts:
Wingedharpy · 30/08/2025 16:30

I wouldn't read it as rude, personally - in fact, I'd probably think the exact opposite ie. that you were glad to have the advice.
I should add though, I do have a tendency to think that if more people were like me the World would run better! 😊

DiscoBob · 30/08/2025 16:31

No. Who said it was?

DivorcedAndDelighted · 30/08/2025 16:34

I think it's a very polite way of keeping the peace rather than telling them mind their own business. It's a good text - like the "grey rock" technique to maintain boundaries in a non-confrontational way.

Autumn38 · 30/08/2025 16:34

No I’d not think that’s rude at all

SummerFrog25 · 30/08/2025 16:35

No I wouldn't.

but depending on who gave the information to someone else & what it was I'd be pissed off.

Awrite · 30/08/2025 16:35

Oh, I hate unsolicited advice. I have a sil who gives it all the time.

Your response was very polite and measured. Not rude.

Ellie1015 · 30/08/2025 16:36

Not a rude reply at all.

LittlleMy · 30/08/2025 16:41

No, not rude.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 30/08/2025 16:42

If they read it in a rude tone of voice or took the smiley as a passive aggressive gritted teeth smile, that’s because they know the advice was unsolicited and that it may not be welcome. Your text was perfectly neutral but their intention wasn’t!

NoSoupForU · 30/08/2025 16:42

I think its a firm but polite way of telling someone to mind their business. It isn't rude. Giving unsolicited advice is rude!

JLou08 · 30/08/2025 16:48

I don't think it's rude at all.

verycloakanddaggers · 30/08/2025 16:54

I don't think it's rude, so much so they might think you genuinely appreciate the input!

dogcatkitten · 30/08/2025 16:55

I would read it as I have no interest in your opinion, which is probably what it means.

pictoosh · 30/08/2025 16:58

Not rude. Maybe it's a little dismissive but if you didn't ask for advice it's fine to be pleasant but non-committal.

MsMiniver · 30/08/2025 16:59

The text is fine but personally I find that emoji smug looking and annoying.

Fifthtimelucky · 30/08/2025 17:00

I don’t think it’s necessarily rude, but it’s direct, and appears to be dismissive and designed to close down the subject. That may or not be justified, depending on the circumstances and your relationship with the person concerned.

AnnaSunshine · 30/08/2025 17:00

Intheblink · 30/08/2025 16:24

If you offered advice based on information that hadn't been given to you directly by the person you were advising, and received this message back, would you think it was incredibly rude? The advice hadn't been directly requested. I could probably have added a 'thanks for your concern', but I still don't feel it was a rude text?

Text: Hiya, thanks for the info, I'll bear that in mind 😊 xx

Perfectly friendly message. If the person receiving it is offended, they’ll get over it. Don’t worry!

FuzzyWolf · 30/08/2025 17:01

The message is dismissive and the emoji would piss me off, but so would receiving unsolicited advice.

Original poster
Intheblink · 30/08/2025 17:31

Thanks all. Yes, you've read it correctly. The information was supplied by a parent (who I thought had been told in confidence, so that's a whole other issue) and I did want to shut the conversation down but wasn't intending to be rude. The emoji use was typical for the conversation so not as passive aggressive as it may seem out of context.

OP posts:
Original poster
Intheblink · 30/08/2025 17:32

And regarding the advice, I did consider it so bearing in mind wasn't untrue.

OP posts:
NeatKoala · 30/08/2025 17:48

The advice hadn't been directly requested.

If someone give me unwanted advice, "do fuck off" is the answer that comes to mind, and thanks for the info, I'll bear that in mind is the most polite way to put it.

Owly11 · 30/08/2025 18:05

I think it’s a bit avoidant and risks the recipient getting annoyed with you, when really the main person everyone should be annoyed with is the parent that passed on private info. They may not understand why you have sent a bit of a dismissive text and think you are being ungrateful if they have been led to believe by the parent that you would welcome the advice. As such I might have wanted to not reply for a while until I had spoken to the parent to find out what had been said and then depending on your relationship with the person who sent the unsolicited advice, speak with them rather than send a text, so that you can be more explicit about why you were a bit surprised to receive their text. But it all depends on context - if it wasn’t that big of a deal then I think your text is fine and communicates efficiently that you don’t want to engage.

Original poster
Intheblink · 30/08/2025 18:13

Owly11 · 30/08/2025 18:05

I think it’s a bit avoidant and risks the recipient getting annoyed with you, when really the main person everyone should be annoyed with is the parent that passed on private info. They may not understand why you have sent a bit of a dismissive text and think you are being ungrateful if they have been led to believe by the parent that you would welcome the advice. As such I might have wanted to not reply for a while until I had spoken to the parent to find out what had been said and then depending on your relationship with the person who sent the unsolicited advice, speak with them rather than send a text, so that you can be more explicit about why you were a bit surprised to receive their text. But it all depends on context - if it wasn’t that big of a deal then I think your text is fine and communicates efficiently that you don’t want to engage.

Yes these are fair points - the message sender is really nice and it is the parent that is completely overstepping. The problem was that I didn't want information then being relayed back to the parent so didn't want to offer too much information.

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 30/08/2025 18:14

No, it wasn't rude.

Id be sending a rude one to the person who thought it appropriate to share my information in the first place though!

cinnamonbunlover · 30/08/2025 18:24

Missing the point It I don’t get who sent what who and who is offended and who isnt

The message is perfectly fine
unsolicited advise is never ok