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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or am I just tight fisted? It's not a big deal mind.

33 replies

WinkyWinkola · 31/05/2008 12:02

DH and I regularly gather together with some other friends four or five times a year at each others houses with the kids. I've hosted three times in a row so far. It's v. enjoyable. It's 8 adults and five children.

We're going to one of the other friend's houses next week. i've been asked to bring enough roasting chickens to feed them all. I'm thinking I may as well be hosting the event myself again. I go to a lot of trouble and expense to have all these people round for lunch - we all have a great time. But I feel irked like this friend is taking the p*ss, asking me to provide that much food even if it is a picnic.

I feel I may be being a bit contrary because I would take alcohol and cheese anyway as a gift to the same value as the meat. But I'm annoyed about it. I do enough cooking as it is and I won't buy those preroasted birds because you don't know where they're from, IYSWIM.

I'm mean, aren't I?

OP posts:
lardylumps · 31/05/2008 12:04

Not at all. Do people bring food when you are hosting?

posieflump · 31/05/2008 12:05

Think it's a bit much to expect you to bring the main item
what is everyone else bringing?

notjustmom · 31/05/2008 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nagapie · 31/05/2008 12:08

Different strokes for different folks - perhaps the effort and money you put in entertaining them isn't matched .. but the friendship might be worth maintaining...

I would also buy those ready roasted birds from the supermarket

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 31/05/2008 12:09

They might bring some nice cheese and crackers or a bottle of wine or a cheesecake. I don't ask them to though.

Someone else is bringing salads. Not sure about the others.

It's supposed to be a picnic so I think for some reason it's considered the right thing we all bring something. I'm irritated by it because I do wonder what the 'hosts' are providing.

What should I do about it? Get over myself.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 31/05/2008 12:09

what happens when you host? what do other people bring?

constancereader · 31/05/2008 12:09

yanbu

Twiglett · 31/05/2008 12:10

say that you'll happily bring salad or pudding but you don't want to be responsible for the meat after having hosted 3 times

duchesse · 31/05/2008 12:16

Enough chickens for 13 people is a tough call. Particularly if you baulk at buying non free range chicken. If you buy £4-5 ones, it's not too bad if you're not expected to take wine or anything. You'd probably need 4-5 medium sized ones.

3725Hayley · 31/05/2008 12:17

It's well out of order.

I love having people over to my house and NEVER ask for them to bring anything. If people are coming to me I like them to go away after having a lovely stress free day.

It really makes you wonder why you bother, doesn't it....

You could buy those awful pre-roasted things for the host, and lovely free-range for you

Freckle · 31/05/2008 12:20

Tell the hostess that you're not happy transporting that much meat when it's hot, so would it be better to bring something else?

ChukkyPig · 31/05/2008 12:23

Seems bang out of order to me. Sounds like they have got the idea that you are lovely person who is happy to go out of their way to make sure everyone has a nice time (which you obviously are) and they are taking advantage. Hosting 3 times in a row seems a bit steep.

Assuming you don't want to have to refuse outright you could always just say you can only fit 2 chickens in your oven and so that's what you'll be bringing.

Are they seriously expecting you to turn up with about 6 roast chickens? Seems a bit odd to me!

soapbox · 31/05/2008 12:23

DO you all have roughly the same income level? Might it just be that this family can't afford to fully host the event in the way you have done in the past?

3725Hayley · 31/05/2008 12:27

It shouldn't matter about the money. WW has hosted 3 times!

A picnic does not have to be that expensive and fancy. I am sure all the people going will be happy to catch up with their friends. Plus people always bring some drinks along as that is just polite.... unless they are asked to bring along tons of chicken!

Freckle · 31/05/2008 12:30

Or maybe ensure that every future event is a joint venture. Take the chickens this time but make a point of saying something along the lines of "I hadn't realised that these get togethers were going to be joint catering as the last 3 I did weren't. However I think it's a brilliant idea and we must get our heads together before the next one to sort out a menu and who's bringing what."

Gets it across that you catered the last 3 without any contributions from other families and leaves the idea there that every one should contribute in future.

Some friends and I do this every year. One of our party lives on a farm and has by far the most room for 10 adults and 21 children. We all decide in advance what each of us is contributing, switching it round so that one of us isn't always providing puddings, etc. The hostess normally provides the meat as it's better that that doesn't travel. The rest of us provide nibbles, salads, bread, pudding, etc. We all take drinks.

lardylumps · 31/05/2008 12:37

I agreew with Chukkypig, that is a good idea.

pointydog · 31/05/2008 12:40

enough roasted chickens for 13 people?! What do you all do with them at a picnic? Carve them or just gnaw the meat from the carcass?

Strange request

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 31/05/2008 12:47

Six?

I was thinking I'd take three because there are five kids (all under six) who perhaps won't eat that much.

But it is odd because to carve up a chicken on a picnic is going to be graft, isn't it? People like to pick. And you're right - what an arse to transport too. Hmmmm.

Sigh. I just know I'm going to sound tightfisted and difficult if I say anything.

OP posts:
lardylumps · 31/05/2008 12:51

I dont think you sound tightfister or difficult at all.

hullygully · 31/05/2008 12:57

Don't say anything and just take something different. If they say anything, just say oh yeah that was all a bit tricky so did this. Unfortunately some people in life always do more than others..

rookiemater · 31/05/2008 13:06

YANBU. You could maybe make the point subtly by ringing and asking what other meat/main course items will be there as it will be a bit difficult to transport them.

Or you could play the health & safety card, if they are just cooked then its not good having them sitting in the car lukewarm, and if they are totally cold, then they are too big to put in a refrigerated bag.

Failing that, bring them and bring nothing else at all. If you are paying out for 3 chickens then you should expect there to be cheese and other items their already.

Totally undreasonable, I'd buy a couple of packs of those ready sliced cooked chicken pieces from M&S and slap them on the picnic blanket, but my heckles automatically go up the minute + I'm not known for my hospitality or good cooking

rookiemater · 31/05/2008 13:07

Oops meant to say my heckles go up the minute people start playing demands on me

soopermum1 · 31/05/2008 13:54

YANUB, 'tis a bit of a cheek, but would just bring the chickens and keep my mouth shout, 'tis not worth falling out over

kazbeth · 31/05/2008 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyraSilvertongue · 31/05/2008 14:08

No, you're not being mean.
the host should provide the main meat item/s. others should bring salad, cheese, wine, bread etc.