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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm in a dispute with my boss and we're back at work on Monday ....

11 replies

Imdreadingit · 29/08/2025 23:10

And I'm feeling so sick about it.

Basically, without being too outing, several months ago my boss did something that affects my contract. I got in touch with my union straight away but they have been, frankly, awful - really weak and slow. They did, however, agree that my boss had been wrong and I've been forced into something.

My union finally got in touch with my boss this week to (very weakly) suggest that there had been a change of my contract without my agreement. She messaged back saying she had my full agreement blah blah and is really shocked that I have said this. She basically thinks I have lied and tried to get her in trouble/lied to get my own way/basically done something wrong.

I told my union guy that I did not want to go back on Monday without her being told that actually, she was in the wrong, not me. But my union, being so utterly slow, has not managed to tell her this yet.

So I have to go in on Monday with her thinking very badly of me and she will probably have some cross words to say to me. I am so angry with the union that they have put me in this position. I feel so desperately uncomfortable and upset about the whole thing.

That's it really. I just needed to get it out. I am just so stressed.

OP posts:
BrentfordForever · 29/08/2025 23:16

Are you worried that she’s thinking badly of you ? If the union contact her now telling her she’s wrong , how is that gonna fix things ?

in any case personably id be a bit more careful with her… “sorry I had to contact the union, I panicked about my new contract, I have bills to pay etc.. “

Chattanoogachoo · 29/08/2025 23:22

You're entitled to union representation although it's a pity they've been so weak.If you've involved the union in the issue I wouldn't have any conversations with her unless you've a union representation present.
Do you intend to put in a grievance?
Either way you're perfectly entitled to union representation and you shouldn't even consider not going into work on Monday.

Duechristmas · 29/08/2025 23:24

Have you got a union rep in your school (?) who can support you with this? If not, a trusted colleague.

Chattanoogachoo · 29/08/2025 23:26

Just wanted to add that very few bosses tell the union they've done anything wrong.Of course she will deny having done anything wrong and she'll be pretty irresponsible to have "cross words" with you.

tripleginandtonic · 29/08/2025 23:27

Why put the blame on the union rather than the boss that tried to blindside you?

Gimpee · 29/08/2025 23:43

Never make mistake of thinking unions, or hr or boss has your back, I always delivered and went extra mile to support manager, was told would get 100% bonus but didn't then no pay rise so I told her what I thought she went to hr and complained basically you cant give negative responses

AirborneElephant · 30/08/2025 08:58

Why did you go to the union rather than talking to your boss? Obviously she’s going to be pissed off if you’ve not raised the issue with her and gone straight to the union. You need to be way more proactive yourself about this, if you aren’t happy with what your boss has done then talk to her about it and suggest solutions.

Greenwitchart · 30/08/2025 09:20

OP it would be better to raise a formal grievance so that there is proper process being followed. Your employer should have a grievance policy and you need to follow that.

Of course the union getting in touch with her randomly would have been unpleasant for her and you need to protect yourself by having everything in writing and following the correct procedures to raise a complaint about your manager.

Then you can ask for a union representative to attend grievance meetings that will follow you complaints with you.

That said I completely understand how stressed you are.

I raised an official grievance with HR about my line manager recently and of course everyday at work and any exchange with my manager is now really strained but I just had enough of working in that toxic environment.

AnnaSunshine · 30/08/2025 09:24

Imdreadingit · 29/08/2025 23:10

And I'm feeling so sick about it.

Basically, without being too outing, several months ago my boss did something that affects my contract. I got in touch with my union straight away but they have been, frankly, awful - really weak and slow. They did, however, agree that my boss had been wrong and I've been forced into something.

My union finally got in touch with my boss this week to (very weakly) suggest that there had been a change of my contract without my agreement. She messaged back saying she had my full agreement blah blah and is really shocked that I have said this. She basically thinks I have lied and tried to get her in trouble/lied to get my own way/basically done something wrong.

I told my union guy that I did not want to go back on Monday without her being told that actually, she was in the wrong, not me. But my union, being so utterly slow, has not managed to tell her this yet.

So I have to go in on Monday with her thinking very badly of me and she will probably have some cross words to say to me. I am so angry with the union that they have put me in this position. I feel so desperately uncomfortable and upset about the whole thing.

That's it really. I just needed to get it out. I am just so stressed.

Does your company have an HR Department? Did you union communicate with them?

If so, your boss will have been advised not to take any action herself.

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 30/08/2025 09:30

Imdreadingit · 29/08/2025 23:10

And I'm feeling so sick about it.

Basically, without being too outing, several months ago my boss did something that affects my contract. I got in touch with my union straight away but they have been, frankly, awful - really weak and slow. They did, however, agree that my boss had been wrong and I've been forced into something.

My union finally got in touch with my boss this week to (very weakly) suggest that there had been a change of my contract without my agreement. She messaged back saying she had my full agreement blah blah and is really shocked that I have said this. She basically thinks I have lied and tried to get her in trouble/lied to get my own way/basically done something wrong.

I told my union guy that I did not want to go back on Monday without her being told that actually, she was in the wrong, not me. But my union, being so utterly slow, has not managed to tell her this yet.

So I have to go in on Monday with her thinking very badly of me and she will probably have some cross words to say to me. I am so angry with the union that they have put me in this position. I feel so desperately uncomfortable and upset about the whole thing.

That's it really. I just needed to get it out. I am just so stressed.

If your boss did something and you didn't agree or you thought it was wrong then did you question your boss as to why she had done it?

If you went straight to the union and didnt say anything to your boss she probably thought you were ok with it so if she has now got a call from the union out the blue then it's not surprising she is pissed off.

So did you speak with your boss before going to the union?

turkeyboots · 30/08/2025 09:44

You are being unreasonable not to have raised this with your boss at the time. Its months on now and this will have come as a surprise, so id expect a serious discussion on Monday. What's the nature of the contract change? If you've been working to changed hours or something like that for months, you won't have much grounds for a grievance as you didn't raise it quickly and via the appropriate channels.

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