T wonder why some people think like this?

[27TimesAway]

People who think because they personally don't witness something then it does not happen, or could not have happened.

I am thinking both on MN when a poster might post something and a reply is along the lines of 'well, that's never happened to me so it can't have happened'.

But also in real life.

We have 2 dogs. One of my neighbours said to me this week 'You never take them for a walk'. In accusing tones. Well actually- yes we do. DH runs at 6 in the morning and takes them then. I take them on the school run in the afternoon and we all go to the beach or forest for a bit. What she means is that she does not see that so it clearly hasn't happened.

Or a former colleague who is now a facebook friend. I posted pics of our summer holiday where we went to my home country. She posts 'Good to see you have finally taken them to see your family'. Um.... welll..... it's the 4th and 6th time respectively they have gone to my home country and my extended family come to us in alternating years. But I don't usually post about it on social media. So she has decided that they have not ever been, it seems.

What is it? is it just serious main character energy where people think other people just come to life when they are there to witness it? It's so odd.

That's why I like MN in many ways- you get to read the experiences and perspectives of others all the time. So it's a window to the world and cements the idea that not everything is about you. (Bar the posters I mentioned above).

I think it's called theory of mind. Most children learn quiet early on in life that other people have differing viewpoints, opinions and experiences but a few people never learn this, they think that everyone is basically like them.

Ive had a couple of posts on here in the past where a poster has claimed categorically that I must be lying, despite the situation described being from my own direct experience. I'm quite old so I just assume that they're very young with little to no life experience or dont read a great deal.

Yeah I get that. If they didn’t see it on social media it never happened. I would have been a bit put out at both those comments

aaah yes this makes sense. Thanks. It's fascinating to me. I hate seeing an OP getting piled on with 'this never happened' comments. Sometimes about completely innocuous things.

I was exceptionally put out by the dog walking comment. Not least because the neighbour is a total gossip so i assume she is spreading all sorts about how we don't walk them.

The other one- i have not worked in that job for years and have not seen the colleague since - once of those friends on facebook that you really never contact IRL. So it was baffling that she had decided 'facts' about me. I just replied breezily 'Oh they have been loads of times'.

I've never seen or read anything like this, so it can't have happened

I don’t understand it either, making huge blanket statements.
For example, apparently I eat too much chocolate all the time - according to family who see me <10% of the year and they won’t have it if I say it’s just an occasional treat.

😁

Yes this also. I have extended family (who apparently I never take my DCs to see) talking about how I always love this or that. It's like something got fixed in the brain or memory. But then this is also possibly related to like how I am with my nieces- I tend to think of them as being the age they were the last time I saw them so buy them Christmas presents they are now too old for.

Oh op, I get the dog walking thing too, drives me nuts. Friend seems to think I never take my dogs out - given she doesn’t live near me I don’t understand why she thinks this, but she’s always going about how they need exercise. FWIW, of course I take my dogs out, I just don’t post about it on SM much! I have concluded some people are bonkers..

The difference is that you probably don’t argue that you are right about it and they are most definitely wrong 😂

There's another forum I frequent that this happens weirdly often. Somebody will post about something unusual-but-not-wildly-so that happened to them, and you can virtually guarantee that within the first ten replies somebody will claim that the OP is making it all up. I remember saying once that I had a sketchy moment on some ice on the drive to work that morning, and was accused of fabricating that because it was May and there wasn't any ice about on the south coast. The notion that I might live several hundred miles north of the accuser, where different weather conditions might just prevail, was utterly alien to them. I'm not sure if it's the fact that it's a male-dominated forum or just one that attracts more than its fair share of morons that leads to this sort of thing happening a lot.

I know what you mean but it doesn't annoy me, as long as I am content with my life and know what's what. I used to work with a group who used to show visible frustration because I'm quite private and they couldn't validate my life via social media!

I get this all the time.

Im Snip the grump to my family cos I was a grumpy teenager. You know like most teenagers. As my sisters were. But im the only one who is singled out for this like its my personality and they cant see me any other way. Not that they have every tried to , or tried to get to the root as to why I was so angry.

And then you try to deny it or say that's not me but you are basically defending your own personality and you wont win!

They draw a conclusion in their head and nothing can change it. My mother is convinced that my brother and girlfriend of 3 years are not serious cos they haven't mentioned marriage. Well yes, they haven't mentioned it to YOU mother but they talk about it, you are not part of the conversation!

Both your examples would have annoyed the shit out of me so im with you!

My mother does this!

For example, I had really severe SPD whilst pregnant and she didn't believe me because she never had it, nobody she knew ever had it.

It took my midwife explaining it to her for her to start admitting that maybe I wasn't just making it up/being lazy.