Is anyone else with someone who isn’t the love of their life, but they are happy enough?

[Usvaaa]

Just that really.

I am approaching forty and had an unplanned baby in a new ish relationship, we stayed together and DS is now 5. We have a nice life, pretty financially comfortable, DH works hard and isn’t around as much as I would like but we have enjoyable holidays together and we can chat about anything. He’s interesting and generous. But he doesn’t set my world alight. I don’t long to be around him. I love him but not in love I don’t think. We have some intimacy but it’s not that regular and I’m not desperate to get into bed with him.

Just wondered how common this was. I do sometimes feel I’ve missed out on a real loving connection.

Break up with him and allow him to find his soulmate

Are you attracted to him? There’s a few posts on here at the minute about wives not being attracted to their husbands. Most of the comments have called the op shallow, which is not helpful. But in LTR lust normally fades whilst the love is still there.

I have a natural aversion to ideas like “love of your life” and “the one” - it all seems so juvenile and Disney.

If you aren’t happy and think you can get more from someone else, do him a favour and end it.

You say you ‘don’t long to be around him’, but earlier you say he ‘isn’t around as much as you would like’. Would you like him to be around more for practical reasons e.g. childcare, or do you in fact long to be around him, just in an everyday real love way rather than a Bridgerton fireworks way? Maybe there is something genuinely missing, but I wonder whether you’re just building up an idea of what romantic love should look like that is more to do with TV etc than real life?

You’re allowed to be in a relationship for whatever reasons you like, and you’re allowed to leave for whatever reasons you like.

Grass isn't always greener on the other side.

that was my first thought, the OP is definitely thinking of looking for someone else or has found someone else & wants to give herself permission to break up family.

I nearly married my “fine but not The One” guy. Luckily I met my husband and left the other guy for him. I’m grateful every day. I knew something wasn’t right with the other man; he was nice and we were happy enough but there was a piece of the puzzle missing.

I am glad that I didn’t marry him, and if you didn’t have a child I would say go for it and find The One, but having a kid definitely complicates things.

If you're both happy with your lives then I see no point in throwing it all away just to see if you could chase that ever elusive dream of meeting your soul mate! You may never find what you're looking for or worse still, realise that your current partner IS your soul mate and you let him go because you thought the grass was green on the other side.
Cat amongst the pigeons here though..... there is the danger that one day you will have a chance meeting with someone who you fall head over heels in love with. It doesn't mean to say that person would be right for you in all aspects of a relationship but be pre warned that could easily happen especially of you become bored in your current relationship.

I'm not sure I believe in head over heels, madly in love, love of my life anymore. I felt that intensity with an ex but the relationship was actually toxic and just drama. I didn't feel that 'rush' with my current beau. However, I do feel content. I don't want drama anymore. I'm so much happier now than I was before. For me, I don't want to feel like I can't live without that other person. I felt happy enough by myself and I feel happy with my boyfriend 🥰 Previously, I think I was looking for someone to fill a hole and make me feel complete. Without realising I'm already complete as a person without anyone else.

Only you know what you feel. Trust your gut but also try and understand exactly what your gut is telling you before making any decisions ❤️ Maybe you can set your world alight with other things in your life.

What does ‘love of my life’ even mean?