Would you be ok waiting to ttc in my situation?

[Yunass]

I’m asking if anyone has actually put off ttc at this age, or is it a crazy idea? I’m 38 at the end of this year. We have one DD age 3 (yesterday!).

DP would like another and so would I. We are very happy with Dd though and often we think our lives are full enough and I am not sure either of us would be heartbroken if it didn’t happen, we’d just be very happy if it did.

DP has some concerns that we are currently looking for a new home as this one is quite snall. He also has a big ish job change coming up and I have only recently started my new job. Basically, there’s lots of reasons why, if we were ten years younger, we would probably wait another couple of years before the next one. But obviously we are much older now…

So, realistically, if you wanted another dc, how long would you be happy leaving it? In terms of my overall fertility, all I know is that at a recent scan I was told I had lots of follicles and on the face of it looked like all would be ok if ttc. I know that can change drastically though in next few years.

So I guess I’m wondering if anyone has intentionally waited at this age?

God no way would I wait. I know people who did and never managed another.

At 38 I would either go for it or embrace being a lovely family of 3.

I wouldn't wait at 38 personally.

I would wait to pass whatever date you need to in your new job to get the enhanced maternity pay

As all PP have said, don’t wait. You also need to factor in things like the massive rise in Down syndrome risk after age 40, etc, even if you don’t have trouble conceiving.

I wouldn’t wait, your fertility is declining but also risk of miscarriage is increasing and risk of more issues. I know it’s common for people to have babies later now but it doesn’t mean it’s more likely to work out for you if you wait.

If you want another then start trying. It might not even happen so no point waiting.

It will never be the right time. But time is against you. And for health reasons for you and a baby i would try now. They are more important then its bad timing because of the house or work .

These replies have scared me a bit! I was hoping for more positivity about being a bit older!

Thanks for all the replies x

At your age I definitely wouldn’t wait.

Get on with it! It could take a while. Secondary infertility is a real thing…

For me it depends.

If financially & space-wise it would be difficult if it happened straight away, and neither of you are desperate for another child anyway, I would maybe wait if I was comfortable with the fact that waiting may mean it doesn’t happen.

If you both really want another child though then I wouldn’t wait at your age.

You don't know until you ttc how it will go. I tried at 37 and it took two years and that was after some failed ivf. I would not advise to put it off if its something you want. It's heartbreaking ttc for years, it takes a real toll. You might be lucky, but you might not.

I wouldn’t wait. Not 6 months not 3 months. There is a reason why IVF is available on the NHS only under age 36 in some areas and 38 on others….its because success rates decline significantly…, which should tell you that it’s a process scientific and medical facts that fertility declines and declines quickly after a certain age

None of us are saying there is a problem with being a mum when you are older. My second DC was born just before I turned 40 and it was fine (but I had medical help to conceive and my DS was born five weeks early). What we are all telling you is that the older you are, the lower the chances of conceiving and carrying to term a healthy baby. Your DH in particular probably doesn’t appreciate that as men seem much less well-informed of these stats. So if you want a second one, throw away the birth control and see what happens.

Nope, if you on balance want another get on with it. Everything else is manageable apart from your fertility. Remember for the first 6 months babies basically need a bed and a drawer and won’t most sleep in the bed anyway!

Plus it’s not just for you, a 3-4 age gap between 2 kids is a very different relationship to kids born 6 years apart. I’m 3 years older than my sister and we’re really close, have kids of a similar age who love each other, went to uni at similar times. I’m sure I’d have loved a sibling 6 years younger but it’s unlikely we’d be experiencing similar life stages.

Hi OP, as others have said, I really wouldn't wait. The things said aren't meant to scaremonger but to give you the facts so you can make an informed decisions.

This is a very simple straightforward article about age and fertility, in a nutshell, your chances of conceiving begin to drop significantly after the age of 35.

https://www.britishfertilitysociety.org.uk/fei/at-what-age-does-fertility-begin-to-decrease/

There will always be exceptions, and many will say they had no trouble at all well into their 40's. The oldest lady I had who conceived naturally was 47 (I'm a midwife)

There never is a perfect time, and mother nature rarely pays attention to your plans, so if having another is something you want, I would definitely start trying now. Good luck.

Also ask yourself honestly if you waited and everything else fell into place but then you never managed to conceive would you really be fine with that? Or would you have a pang of regret every time you saw a cute kid with a younger sibling/ when your DD asks why she doesn’t have brothers and sisters (she will). Absolutely nothing wrong with being one and done but you have to be sure that’s what you want.

If you’re saying you’d probably be fine but in the expectation that it probably will happen IMO that’s a bit dangerous.

I wouldn't wait.

We started ttc our second when I was 35. I'm now 36 and DC2 will be born the month before I turn 37.

I had 2 miscarriages in that period. One of these was very early; the other was a MMC which realistically added 6 months onto ttc - 3 months of an eventually non-viable pregnancy, 4 weeks getting the miscarriage sorted out and then another 6-8 weeks waiting for my periods to restart.

I know other people have much worse experiences, but that was bad enough. Really brutal physically and emotionally and I've essentially been pregnant or recovering from a failed pregnancy for over a year now.

You might be lucky and be one of the lucky ones who conceives a healthy pregnancy first time at 39 ... But you also might not be. And the longer you wait, the more you shift the probability towards being unlucky. If you want a second child, i'd go for it now.

This is what I would do too. And I have no problem with being a slightly older mother (we had ours at 39 and 41) but we did IVF (same sex couple) and therefore read a LOT about our dwindling changes due to our ages.

I probably wouldn’t wait more than 6 months if at all

I’d crack on, there’d always going to be a reason to not…

And with your eldest daughter being min. 4 when this one is born - I think the further away you get from ‘baby years’, the less attractive going back to the start will become…!

I wouldn't wait, and I wouldn't choose a large age gap. You're already looking at nearly 4 year gap. My gaps are big (not by choice) and it's hard to keep everyone happy on days out and holidays (kids 10, 7 and 2).