Absent dad csa

[Rose944]

So my daughters dad never wanted to know her we were on and off for a long time I fell pregnant and I personally didn’t want an abortion even though he wanted me to and to carry on as we were so I went ahead with my pregnancy without him. We had no contact up until she was about 8 months when he started calling me sick and that no one in the world would keep a baby if the man didn’t want to be involved and that he would never change his mind etc he even said “I’ve got another on the way anyway” then said he was joking which upset me but I left it after all that and we were no contact again. I contacted csa they tracked him down to pay and now he’s messaging me all kinds of abuse saying I’m the only one who thinks it’s ok to have a baby on my own and no one else agrees and he will never change his mind and I need to face my reality and the fact I messed up etc.. really horrible messages and acting like my daughter isn’t even a real human or something so disrespectful. She’s no less his than his other children so in my eyes he should pay something he’s put complete blame on me and is taking 0 accountability then talking to me about taking accountability for my actions. I just want options on if I’m seriously wrong here? Obviously in a perfect world I wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world with no father but it was the situation I was in at the time and I didn’t want to make the other choice. I’m just baffled at how he’s litterally saying all these things to me and nothing about the fact he has a child he will never know? X

Just block him and move on, you are just allowing him to send shitty messages.

Block him and move on but I’m not really sure what you expected having a baby with someone you were on/off with and who didn’t want the baby in the first place

Just block him and ignore. And make sure you always follow through with the CMS claim, it’s for your daughter.

Some people are just horrible people. It is always a bit of a shock learning this about someone you once had feelings for but there is a pattern for abusive men to show abusive behaviour like this after a partner gets pregnant. It is hard to accept that a dad would have no feelings for his child but there are thousands of cases out there, sadly it is not uncommon.

It sounds like he wants to bully and manipulate you into dropping the csa claim. Don't let him get into your head. Put your practical, rational hat on and get the money that is your daughter's right to have. Either block him like others have said, or reply to him like a robot I.e. 'I have received your message' on repeat and nothing else.

Don't accept other people putting you down about this either. Your daughter will absorb this and she deserves to feel she has a right to be here just as much as anyone else, absent dad or not. You can and will make her feel important and loved despite her rubbish dad. Get the money and don't doubt yourself.

Just block him. You don't have to put up with his abuse.

People will make the argument that if he said from the first moment he didn't want the baby then you shouldn't expect the maintenance but here's my rebuttal:

The money is to support the child. Not the mum. The child had no say in the circumstances of it's conception. If the man is old enough to have sex he knows what could happen, including the woman choosing not to have an abortion. His choices stop one place before hers, but there you go, it's not a secret. Every man has the option to use condoms even if the women swears she's on the pill. He doesn't have to be involved, know or care for the child but that child needs adequate support from two parents. Not one, plus the taxpayer in many cases, especially in the early years with childcare. OP, ignore his messages, communicate via the CMS (CSA is long gone).

There’s absolutely no excuse for being abusive. He chose to have unprotected sex, he clearly knows how babies are made. He may not be happy but it’s not ok for him to be abusive.

This. Let child maintenance deal with him and bock him. Keep all his messages, they will get worse when he starts losing money and you may need them as evidence of harassment.

Consider having a coil fitted and insist on condoms every single time with future partners. Do not introduce another man to your child until you have been together a significant amount of time. Read up online on red flags in relationships. On and off again could show low self esteem. That might be something to work on.

Absolutely agree to blocking him. He is a cunt, he doesn't deserve your attention. Let's hope he is actually made to pay

There’s always one I said in the post what I expected I went ahead alone doesn’t mean the law isn’t to pay

Thank you everyone for your replies, the only reason he was never blocked was so he couldn’t say “she’s blocked me so how can I see her” sounds silly seeing as he doesn’t want to be involved but I’m an over thinker xx

If he wanted to see his child being blocked wouldn’t stop him. But that’s not what he wants so block away!

So true I just never wanted anything to be a reason. I think he’s just angry because he said this is why he wants nothing to do with me but she’s almost two and I’ve only just done the claim x

Block him and stop responding, if he continues contact police as this is abuse and harrassment and will be good to have on record should he ever want contact

Yea they’ve sent me the calculation and first payment date so I’m assuming that’s why he messaged me anyway, blocked him now and I’ll let them deal with it x

Police Now

For what?