Childfree and people with kids friendships

[Myboyonlybreakshisfavouritetoys]

Did you find your friendships drifted when one party had children? I am struggling with this as I now have two small kids but most of my friends don't and I feel they find me a bit boring/ don't want to reach out as much. I do have chat that isn't just about my children! I have a small baby at the moment who is ebf and she has to come everywhere. I guess we are just living such different lives at the moment.

I also feel sad we aren't doing this stage of life together. Quite a few of them are not childfree by choice (although we are mid/late 30s so could happen yet) which complicates it as well. Obviously the ones who are happily childfree I think good for them!

I do have lots of "mum" friends from nct etc but it's not quite the same.

Do these friendships come back in your 40s when the intense small kid stage is over? I'm really keen to keep them up.

I haven’t found this on the whole. I have children, I have 5 good friends, of which three have children and two don’t. Of the two that don’t, one would have liked them but it didn’t happen for her and her husband, and one is gay, kids weren’t an option for her and she didn’t particularly want them anyway. We’ve all been very close since uni days, having kids or not hasn’t changed that. There was one other woman in our group who made it very clear that she hated children and she did drift from us all as she changed and became quite hateful about children, and some other stuff, so it never would have worked anyway.

Those of us with children have been mindful to not make everything about our children over the years and those without made an effort to be interested in our children and realised that at times kids are all consuming. I feel really lucky to have a friendship group where we all love each other and each other’s children. The two without children are really close to all of our children and I know they really value their relationships. I think good friendships last through various life changes as long as everyone is invested and understanding.

I would say reach out, if they’re good friends, they’ll understand that you are trying but that it’s all a bit full on baby at the moment. If they’re good friends, chat to them about how you’re feeling and make it clear that you really value them.

Not sure that being gay means ‘kids aren’t an option’ @ItsHellOrHighwater. My wife and I have managed three.

lol. Wind your neck in. I never said that being gay means kids aren’t an option. If you read what I wrote properly, you will see that I said ‘kids weren’t an option FOR HER!’ She and her wife didn’t want to do IVF or adopt.

Try reading properly or improving your comprehension skills before coming at people.