Friend not wants to talk about her kids

[Blueskies3]

I have posted about this friend before. That post and the replies made me think on why I have an issue with my friend.

I have two children in primary school. For a long while I wanted a third, but my husband didn’t and ultimately I realised two is best for us. I have been friends with my friend for around 20 years. I was first to have children, she initially suffered miscarriages and so I didn’t talk about my kids much and would meet up without kids.

She is now having her third child soon. We don’t get a chance to meet up as much, but when we have coffee all she wants to do is talk about her kids. She will show photos of them (we see the kids regularly as well, so don’t need the photos). I’m entering a new phase and it’s my birthday soon and I’m worried it will be all about the kids again in conversation. I’m trying to be content with putting the baby stage behind me (which I am happy) and a new decade and really just want adult conversation. I don’t think I could listen to another story of you should see little Johnny eating his peas…

does anyone else have friends like this?

she is a wonderful person, very caring and a beautiful mum.

Do you asks questions to elicit broader conversation like asking her about her work? Her thoughts on news stories etc?

Yes, but it circles back to her kids

The friendship has outgrown itself. You need adult conversation and she needs gushing over kids

Try something like "Oh lovely photos. Talking of children, don't you think that Pres. Trump is particularly childlike in his approach to international politics?"
Bound to work 😀

A lot of parents talk about lot about their DC, it’s just how it is. It’s a big part of their life, I suppose. I’m childfree and usually just say “once we’re done talking about Ruby and Lila’s daily routine, would you like to hear how I’ve spent my day implementing the new group corporate governance strategy?” and because we are friends, they will just laugh and say, “sorry, I’m going on a bit aren’t I?” and we’ll move on to discussing Thai cookery, the state of the railways, and Beth and Rip from Yellowstone, and other such high culture.

Just be honest: you want a night out or a walk and want it to be mental as well as physical time apart from children and family life, and a chance to catch up as friends. Does she know that you struggle with not having a third child and it upsets you a little to hear all about her pregnancy. Letting friends in on that kind of thing can help.

ETA: does your friend have much outside of her family? Work, hobbies, passions, Mastermind special subjects? I think some women can lose their identities a bit when they have children and are in the daily grind of it all, and get so used to being “Mum” that they struggle to just be themselves or find anything about themselves as individuals and people to talk about. Your friend might be struggling a bit there, as much as anything.

Just continue to not feed the conversation about her children every time it comes up. Just smile and turn the conversation around the something else.

“What else have you got going on X, how’s work?”

”Im really in a place in my life at the moment where im trying to make an effort to do more things for me outside of the kids. I’m really looking forward to getting more of myself back.”

I think this is quite normal when people don’t have much else going on besides their children. Does she have a career? An interesting life beyond being a parent? If not, she probably doesn’t have loads to talk about.

Also I know we went through a phase when dc were babies when we couldn’t escape talking about them. Like no matter how much I tried to have proper adult conversation, everyone steered conversation back to the babies. So it felt hard to talk about anything normal with anyone.

I think you may just need to be really assertive in steering the conversation if you want to spend time with her.

She is not very caring if she just wants to rabbit on about her kids all the time.

I would try once more and say ‘it’s lovely to get away from the kids for a bit, let’s make a pact to not talk about our kids today’.

If she just carries on talking about them or gets offended, then you know she just views you as a listening machine and is not interested in you or your life.

How often do you see her? Dial it right back to a couple of times a year.

How about meeting up where the topic of conversation is the place you are. Art gallery or museum etc?

Just tell her to shut up because she’s boring you. I hate parents like this. Yes your kid is the apple of your eye but for everyone else they don’t care little Tomas has ate three grapes by himself. If you don’t nip it in the bud she’ll only get worse.

I think I am the odd one out because I find talking about work more boring than talking about kids (and I do have a career type job)!

(Don't worry I'm not your friend OP, I do talk about other stuff too with my friends like our house/garden projects or places we've visited or would like to visit)

How often do you get together?

If you’re starting multiple threads about a friend… usually a good sign that maybe best to take a step back op

Do you have children @MyGreyStork

Do you have friends?!

she is a wonderful person, very caring and a beautiful mum.

and yet totally self absorbed and disinterested in you op.

come on now, raise your standards

@Brothisbest yes and friends. Do you? I’m guessing you’re the friend that won’t shut up about her kids in this situation. And yes it’s boring.

Oh dear 😆

@Brothisbest triggered? 🤣