To think “romance” is just marketing that trains women to expect men to buy their affection?

[SnarkyCoralBee]

Flowers, dinners, diamonds… it all feels like branding. AIBU to think “romance” is really about consumerism, teaching men to spend and women to equate gifts with love?

Aren't you going to add "discuss"? 🤣

Totally agree women are trained... if they are the absolute cockwomble types. Feel free to add that to your research.

ODFOD.

😂

I’m 48.

i don’t know anyone who has given anyone else diamonds.

most of my friends give flowers on birthdays/funerals/just because (although to be fair as I get older it’s more often actual plants).

I pay for dinners out for my kids (male and female), my parents (male and female) and with most of my friends we alternate.

do you have a point?

They aren't the only forms of romance.

Not everyone lives that version of romance. I just notice how often the ‘classic’ idea of romance (flowers, diamonds, big gestures) gets pushed through advertising, films and social norms. Even if individually people don’t all follow it, the cultural script is still there.

I love to receive flowers. I dont think my partner has ever bought them for me though. Are you saying I should dump him as most men would do this to make me happy?

Not at all, I’m not saying gifts = love or that people should leave partners over flowers. My point was more about how culture has trained us to equate romance with buying things. Some people genuinely love flowers or gestures, others don’t care. It’s the social script behind it I was questioning, not individual relationships.

Getting/receiving gifts starts from childhood though - most of us have been the recipients of gifts then so it's a natural progression?

That's not romance.
Romance is a text to check in that you're OK when you're having a bad day.
It's a cup of tea and a hug when you're feeling low.
It doesn't have to cost money.

None of those things equates to romance for me. While I like receiving gifts, the men in my life know that nothing pleases me quote like 'acts of service'...

Peel my oranges, descale my fish, carry my shopping, wash my car, cook me a nice meal, pick me up from the train station... It's pointless trying to buy me with gifts and words. I'll take all your stuff and feel no sense of romance.

I dunno, man. Flowers are really nice!

Well, of course there’s no money to be made out of non-commercial romantic gestures is there ?
Men and women generally see it for what it is and partake or not

The hallmark card version of romance maybe. But most romantic gestures are about doing things... My husband makes me our anniversary gifts, I think that's much more romantic than buying something.

When you say romance, I don't think of material things. I don't think that is really what romance is at all!

I'm not sure, I think it is chicken and egg scenario. Giving a romantic partner flowers has not always been associated with commercialism, i.e. the gesture was about picking them rather than buying them. The dinners can be made surely? These kinds of dinners again have a specialness about them don't they, spending time with someone who is special to you as opposed to a dinner that's providing the energy you need to survive. Diamonds is a bit different as I would imagine not many receive them on a regular basis. Again though if you are choosing a ring or piece of jewellery that is for someone that means a lot to you then isn't it a way of making that statement. Equally, it depends if they like jewellery.

I have never been into romance my husband knows that we just do nice things for each other because it's nice

But if he wanted a princess and I wanted a prince it ain't happening, thank goodness

Romance, as a genre of literature, is a massive seller. Usually written by women for women, but not always. It sells in such large numbers because it's popular. It's what people want. This thread is completely pointless.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c75r6kq2pdwo

There is definitely consumerism at play but only if that's what you sign up for or want to emulate. I see most of that all in films/instagram not in real life. In real life I've actually known more men that think they should do grand gestures because that's what women expect when actually I've not known many women to actually want that.

I'm not sure I understand the difference between what's considered romantic and what's just love for someone. Most of the suggested romantic things I would also do for a friend or family member. Apart from anything sexual ofcourse.

Bullshit really.

Going to pick a bunch of flowers is romantic, cooking a meal for your partner is romantic, lighting candles, saying very loving things, running them a bath, giving a massage, writing a loving note.

You’ve just focused on some elements that cost money – but gift giving is a consumer-based element of any relationship, romantic or not.

Romance is defined as the feeling of excitement and mystery around love. Nothing about that is inherently consumerist. But of course businesses latch on to any event, celebration and feeling (sympathy, thanks, good luck, etc) that they can.

God, here we go again. Don't you ever get bored, OP? Maybe vary your tone. Maybe chose a different style of username?

Genuine displays of affection are nice, but there can be issues where women are "tricked" into staying with jerks and thinking they're treated well because of superficial acts like buying flowers when his baseline behaviour and respect level is poor.