To say that…

[Sunwarddangledhardens]

if you agree that one partner takes on a piece if mental load work (let’s say house insurance) they shouldn’t try to involve the other in detailed discussions of options, or try to offload the actual decision? Surely the whole point is that I don’t want to have to think the tedious thing through, and should be able to rely on you, as an adult, to make a good decision on your own?

“Mental load eg house insurance “

Made me chuckle!

Depends on whether the other person will be fine with any decision made, if not then its reasonable to consult them on it

Hmm as a blanket rule, no I don’t think you can apply that.

I take care of our mortgage and ensure we reapply on time, that I know where the paperwork is, that I know the length of term left and the outstanding balance.

when it comes to signing up again I do discuss with my DH the balance of how long to fix, and whether to build the fee in etc.

I wouldn’t want major decisions made without any of my knowledge, nor do I want to be solely responsible as that weighs heavy if I chose something which later turned out to be not the best idea.

If we are talking about organising presents for a child’s birthday party the kids are attending, no consultation required! Just buy the craft set and wrap it.

I think it’s fair enough to ask whether certain things should or should or shouldn’t be included, but they should do all the searching around.

Honestly that sounds ridiculous to me. Adults in a couple should be able to discuss the different options for home insurance without being accused of being unfair with the "mental load".

It sounds like the other person just annoys you with their waffling on,most people who live together talk about the boring stuff, I don't know why it is seen as mental load ?

If it’s something like house insurance that has a potentially big impact on the major asset of both people, then absolutely I would expect to discuss options.

House insurance is surely no more than £20 a month (unless you have a huge house filled with expensive goods) and can be done on a comparison site. I'm not sure there's much of a mental load there

I think that if you’re going to split it like that, and one person agrees “ok, I’ll sort the home insurance” then yes, I’d expect them to just do it. I don’t consider home insurance to be a particularly important decision that needs discussion (obviously important to have, but a competent adult should be able to sort it sensibly on their own)

Said someone with no money worries and nothing 'problematic' to insure.

As with all things, there's 'doing it' and 'doing it well' and a half arsed approach to something like house insurance could leave you paying hundreds of pounds a year more than you need to and/or not being insured for the things you want/need to be insured.

Repeat for car insurance, pet insurance, travel insurance, holiday booking, mortgage, credit cards, broadband, mobile phones, savings accounts, subscriptions etc etc.

I am a single parent
100% in control of all finances and admin

and I always chuckle at mumsnet and their “mental load burden” .

Which often turns out to be the very lightest of tasks and mainly automated eg “paying bills”

This. I had to smile to a previous poster saying home insurance is no more than 20 pounds a month. I live in Blue Mountains in Australia and pay $230 per month for home and contents insurance. We live close to a natural reserve and are insured against bushfire property loss.

Discussing insurance with your partner is important if it has a big impact on the biggest asset you both have - your home.

Interesting range of views. Mine is in line with @ShesTheAlbatrossHome insurance isn’t that big a deal in our case. Tedious and a bit time consuming, but the options are relatively limited and so is the financial outlay. It doesn’t need to be an extended discussion point. It’s that kind of thing I’m on about really. Not a big thing like a mortgage which has a significant impact on both parties. Those I do myself! Perhaps mental to do list is a better phrase than mental load.

I'm sorry but it's pretty pathetic not to be able to handle the 'mental load' of a choice about your joint finances when someone else has done all the research for you.

I'm shit at financial stuff, but although my eyes start to glaze over whenever my partner shows me things like comparisons of insurance policies, I listen politely and give an opinion because I'm a fucking adult.

It's house insurance, ffs, not Sophie's Choice.

Ooh, that pushed a button didn’t it?!

Sorry you can’t trust your partner to make a competent decision on their own. Conversation in your house must be enthralling!

Says the OP 😆