Not wanting to socialise with DH’s colleague and affairs partner

[Liondoesntsleepatnight]

So DH works in an industry where a lot of men stay away from home, affairs are rife. Often people working in same company. One guy, married, teenage kids works on same project as DH, having an affair with a younger woman who works for same company.

This guy and woman party hard it seems, regaled stories about a drunken threesome, crazy drinking sessions etc. Next thing DH comes back from a leaving drinks. However it was only the guy and the woman there, they have a great time it seems and I’m invited out tomorrow with them. AIBU to say hell no, I want nothing to do with them? I’ve met him once, he was witty, charming. His line is he is staying for the DC’s, teen boys and he and his DW haven’t had sex in over two years. The woman knows that he is married.

I wouldn't go.

It's hard to answer as my DH would think the same as me so I wouldn't be put in this situation, but I would have to be honest and say I am not comfortable with their lifestyle and really have no interest in socialising with them and not happy that DH wants to either.

You'd have made an excellent puritan

Stop being so judgemental - its none of your business

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I couldn’t do it (being in similar situation - they weren’t married). Who’s to say the wife and DH haven’t had sex in over 2 years? It’s classic text book lies from a cheater. I think it would also send a message to your DH if you did go to say you are okay with people cheating on their spouses.

I’m more intrigued that you know so much about the relationship of these two people and the man’s marriage. This guy is just someone your DH works with, right, not a close friend? Likewise the woman? And he went to a leaving do that only had the three of them present?

Op, I wouldn’t go either. What they’re doing by having an affair (I’m not bothered about the rest of it) is vile and I’d have nothing to do with anyone who’s having one, or had one.

In terms of how I know all the info, the guy told my DH that he was seeing the woman (who DH also works with) the stuff about the marriage was given as the reason why he was having the affair. Not sure who else they work with knows about it.

You don't want to go so don't.

I’d go. But I’m a nosey cow lol

Also I’m not up partying like I’m 20, they seem to be doing so. I’m not young anymore, I went out Friday and Saturday nights last week and it took me until Wednesday to recover!

My DH seems to buy into the sexless marriage/there until the teens grow up line…

Serious question OP : do you trust your H.
YOu talk about them having drunken threesomes and then go on to say it was just your H and these 2 drinking together.

I would be on the alert if all his colleagues are having affairs with each other!

@Ivenoname my understanding is the project is coming to the end, so not many people left, it was due to be 6 people and people dropped out.

The guy isn’t well liked, so I’m not surprised people didn’t go on the leaving drinks tbh he’s a banter kind of guy, offends people.

In his industry it’s very common for guys living away from home to take up with a local (usually younger) colleague. DH isn’t in that position and hasn’t given me cause to doubt him.

@Liondoesntsleepatnight

I'm glad you don't have any concerns about your H.
But it 's pretty sad when cheating on your wife/ partner with younger female colleagues is considered the norm of the working environment.

I dont think i'd be wanting to socialise with any of his work colleagues if they behave like that. How could you ever look their wives and partners in the eye knowing they are being made fools of?

No I wouldn't associate with anyone who behaves like that, it destroys people.

You are the company you keep (and what does that say about your DH?)

I wouldn't go. They'll be snogging and all loved up like teenagers and you'll be there, married couple, like being out with mum and dad.

If they want her to socialise with them it is! What is wrong with you?

People in my husbands company would have been gently exited. Having affairs with younger female colleagues would have been regarded as completely inappropriate.

@Beesandhoney123 @Valeriekat It’s August 2025.

How do you police that exactly? Do you interview people before you socialise with them, just to check they've never ever had sex with the wrong person? Many friendship groups would shrink alarmingly if all of these people were removed.
Maybe acceptance that people make mistakes, and are often deeply regretful afterwards, is a more positive way forward.

I’d be fine if he’d left his wife for her- not my place to judge etc etc. But not an active, current affair.