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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want SIL to stay with us

13 replies

pocoyo2 · 30/05/2008 23:16

DH has promised SIL he will help her find a job in our town and can also stay with us.

I do not want this, lack of Privacy etc, I am busy with full time job, 3 kids
I have said a flat NO to DH, AIBU?

OP posts:

LolaTheShowgirl · 30/05/2008 23:21

No way, you most definately aren't being unreasonable. Tell DH you don't want her living with you but will help finding her own place for her and a job.

3725Hayley · 30/05/2008 23:22

Couldn't you help her out a bit. Maybe she could babysit in return so you and DH can have a night out.

pandapanda · 30/05/2008 23:27

Do you have to look after her? Do you get on? DHs cousin lives with is as she works nearby. I would feel stupid telling her to rent somewhere when there is room here. We might be that sort of family though. We lived with PIL for a long time after we got married. My sis, bil and 2dcs lived here for almost a year when they were btween houses. SIL moved in with her baby for a month last year because bil was working away and she didn't want to be alone with the baby. I would assume that I could move in with family if I needed to, esp my brothers and sisters. Would you feel diferently if it was your own sister?

Original poster

pocoyo2 · 30/05/2008 23:29

No . They have an older sister who she could live with, but dont want her living with her, now I wonder why.

OP posts:

3725Hayley · 30/05/2008 23:31

How old is she? Are we talking teenager or adult?

Original poster

pocoyo2 · 30/05/2008 23:32

pandapanda,

No, not close, She once want a whole 2 years without ringing to say hello to the family.
DH is trying to do this to please MIL.

OP posts:

Original poster

pocoyo2 · 30/05/2008 23:32

30 yrs

OP posts:

pandapanda · 30/05/2008 23:34

Do you think that she is capable of getting a job and moving to her own place within a reasonable time frame or is she a bit hopeless?

3725Hayley · 30/05/2008 23:34

You could agree to it for a month and see how it goes.

We had my 30yr old sis live with us for a bit (3 mths), and it was actually really nice having her around.

Original poster

pocoyo2 · 30/05/2008 23:38

yeah I could, she has reputation of living her job suddenly, dont want to be lumbered with an unemployed 30 year old in my house.

Now how do i convince DH its good idea for her to be living with her sister instead.

OP posts:

3725Hayley · 30/05/2008 23:47

IMO families should be there for each other, and if she needs help, give her a break.

Seems a bit mean to try and offload her onto another family member when she hasn't actually done anything wrong.

For people of that age, getting on the property ladder can be a nightmare.

worley · 30/05/2008 23:55

we had bil and his new girlfriend come to live with us, when they moved over from the states. we had never met the girfriend but dp insisted they could stay with us for a couple of weeks while they found a job and somewhere to live, they ended up staying 4 months and only went because i made dp ask them to go. (we have a 2 bedroom terrace and ds1 was having to kip on our bedroom in the travel cot) the final straw was when bil did eventually get a job, he was moaning about how little he was earning and then let slip he was getting £1500 a week!!! they hadnt paid anything towards bills, food etc and dp was earning £800 a month!!!!! ffs!! and they got married (6 weeks after moving to the uk, so she could live with bil as she is canadian)and told us 2 days before hand and then she got the hump that i wasnt going as i couldnt get the time of work at such short notice.

i could moan about them for ever, they scince went back to the states, and when i posted some of their stuff off for them last that they had in storage here, ds1 was looking through their photo album and found all nasty pictures she had drawn of us all and shitty comments she wrote about us and where we live. so i told her what i thought of her nasy streak (thinking i wouldnt have to see/speak to her again) then dp's mum died before xmas, so they fly over and i have to talk to her, they go back to the states after the funeral, when the bill comes in for the funeral(mil had no life insurance or saving, no will has left us in the s**t basiclly), they suddenly cant afford to pay half as they are going to buy a new house,yet can afford to buy themselves a new BMW Z3

sorry complete hijack of thread, but i know where things lead and if i couldturn back time, would not let them stay at ours again.

3725Hayley · 31/05/2008 00:03

I don't blame you for feeling like that, they sound like selfish people.

Pocoyo - I think you just have to talk to DH about it and make a decison together. It's really hard for anyone else to judge when they don't know what kind of person the SIL is.

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