To feel pathetically sad my BF has ditched me for antenatal friends

[Patheticallysad89]

My best friend had a baby earlier this year & really hit it off with her antenatal mums which is really lovely for her but I feel like she’s totally dropped me and I’m feeling really sad about it !!

She barely replies to my messages anymore & when she does it’s days later and doesn’t seem to be that bothered about meeting up. I totally appreciate that she’s busy with her baby but when I have seen her she’s not stopped talking about how often she’s seeing her friends (multiple times a week) and that they all text constantly. So I know she’s got time for texting and going out just not with me 🙁

DH said to keep trying with her as she’s in the ‘lust’ equivalent stage of friendship but I’m worried it’s getting so one sided and that I’m not getting the hint. We’re meant to be meeting up later this week but she’s not replied to my text from last week so I’m not sure if I should chase her up?

BTW I have a baby too so we are both on maternity leave at the moment. When my baby was born we saw each other all the time.

AIBU to feel hurt ? And should I keep trying or should I just back off now.

If the meet doesn’t go ahead this week then I wouldn’t bother with her anymore. Tbh if she is that quick to drop a good friend she’s doing you a favour and she will learn the hard way cuz it’s a fickle ole world! (Mummy cliques)

It sounds a little odd that you’re both on mat leave yet she isn’t meeting up as you’re both in the same life stage.

What I will say about my antenatal group was that they were there when I really needed them, as our babies went through everything at the same stage. However they’re in your life for a season and once that’s finished, most of those friendships naturally end. One I became close friends with and meet regularly, a couple more I see twice a year as a group and over half I haven’t seen in a good 8 years since returning to work. The one I was closest with I’ve not seen in a couple of years and I was sad that ended but accepted we were both so different as people. As our children headed to different schools whilst making their own friendship groups and we both worked full time, there wasn’t anything left

@FriedFalafels yes I agree it’s odd - I would understand more if i was only around at the weekends and therefore intruding on family time but we are both off so i did expect that we would see each other pretty regularly but it just seems like she’s totally consumed with her antenatal group now

I agree with the comment above about these kinds of friendships - they are very often time limited. I’m still in touch with one of my “antenatal” friends and even that isn’t very frequent. When DD started school it all sort of faded away, as these situationships often do.

@TheTwitcher11 agreed, I’m thinking I might just back off a bit and leave her to it. I’m worried I’m looking desperate keep making the effort tbh

@RabbitintheHeadLamps yes this is what I’ve heard from a few people, and Ive been so mindful of this. It’s lovely to have friends going through the same thing as you but they shouldn’t replace your older friends

I found it infinitely easier to meet up with a group of mums on mat leave. Because there were a number of women, I could go when my baby was ready and leave when needed I.e. I didn't need to be on time or stay when my baby was grizzly.

Sometimes I went and stayed for 2 hours, sometimes only 20 minutes and sometimes I didn't even show and there was zero pressure.

I had a friend who had a slightly older baby than mine and I saw her only once in 6 months. She had an almost toddler who only napped once a day, whereas I was trapped with 3-4 naps a day and was still in the waking every 2 hour stage.

Granted we were never that close so no one was snubbing an older friend but it was honestly really difficult to arrange meeting up (and tbf she was actually more awkward about timings than I was, now that I think of it).

@SunnyChubby234 true I hadn’t considered that aspect to it but we are best friends so I would totally understand if she needed to go after 20 mins.

Totally understandable to be upset about that and not pathetic at all. I wouldn’t chase her, just give her a wide berth for a while.

My sister did this to me and I never got over it. I don’t have children and she actually told me that she preferred to be around women who had children than me who doesn’t. It was heartbreaking. I’d had a miscarriage and then didn’t get the chance to conceive again.