Toddler is so draining. Constant screaming.

[fedupmoom]

My 22 month old DC just screams for no reason.
If he is playing he will just scream.
If he wants something he will just scream.
A toy falls ont he floor he will just scream.
He points at stuff screaming.
Shakes his head screaming.

It literally cuts through me like a knife, my ears are actually hurting from all the screaming.
I have to take paracetamol as it gives me such a head ache.

I just feel so fed up.

He wakes up multiple times a night, he refuses to sleep in his cot.

If he dosent get his own way he will just scream non stop until I give in.

He understands when I say “no” and bursts out crying.

I just find it so draining with the constant screaming and crying.

When does it get better?

I take him out multiple times a day as he isn’t so bad when we’re out but he refuses to walk a lot of the time and just wants to be picked up or pushed round in the buggy.

Any help and suggestions welcome please x

I know this might sound obvious, but have you actually asked him to stop communicating like that? Our DD was late with communication and went through a phase of constant whinging and shouting. We started saying ‘sorry I don’t understand you when you’re making noises’ or words to that effect and she started just using her words. Took quite a bit of reminding initially though but it’s worth it. We say now ‘excuse me we don’t shout in this house’ and she knocks that on the head too & just says what she wants.

Also - don’t give in when he whines. It’s just reinforcing the behaviour. We have friends with twins a year older & when they came to stay with us, we just jumped on all of their good habits as example. IE X and Y only eat snacks at the dining table etc. Consistency is key and we have learnt that by not being consistent and having to undo it. Only takes a few days for them to get it.

Getting out and about is good but the big caveat is that at 2 (or nearly 2) kids tire easily so plan small things with rest breaks. If he won't use the buggy this is doubly important and see about reins if you neex them. Mine went through a no buggy phase and now loves it again, so hopefully this won't last forever.

Much of the screaming will be down to frustration over communication at this age, even though they have words at this age they're unlikely to be able to express what they actually want and that's difficult so they scream/ cry.

The only help I can give is solidarity, just remember 'this too shall pass' and that it's a common phase. Hopefully one that doesn't last too long.

@Btowngirl
Hi
I say to him “Please stop screaming like that, big boys don’t scream like that” and it just makes him worse.

I think your using too many words for him to process. Just say ‘Stop screaming’.

I agree. Short "no, we don't scream". And don't give him what he's screaming for. Distract with something else if you can. If you're out and about I know it's embarrassing and you'll feel like people are judging. Some of them no doubt are but it doesn't matter, who cares? If you can, remove him from the situation, pick up and carry and put him down somewhere and wait it out.

Only respond when he behaves normally rather than screaming.

Also co-sleeping.

It does get better, as they can use their words more. We did a lot of trying to figure out quick what he was screaming about and saying it eg "oh, you want the train" or "I see, you can't reach X", then encouraging him to "ask for help" or asking him if he can say train for example. Also didn't give in to proper tantrums and took things away for a minute if he was misusing them eg chucking them as part of a tantrum. We also go out twice a day as staying in drives me pure insane, but ours does like to bike. Could you try him with a balance bike? It saved our sanity as he whizzes off on that now in secure areas/paths and we can walk behind with a coffee and actually have a conversation. We didn't think he could manage it but he got one at 2 and was a pro within a few weeks. Also it's so tempting to occasionally lose your shit and let out your own shout or scream but all it will do is scare them and teach them that screaming is ok, so I just needed to sometimes take a minute behind a door and compose myself. It's a rough phase but it does get better

To add - sleep wise try and see if you are offering too much or if nap is too long. At this age mine would only sleep well with 1h15min nap and no later than 2pm for bed at 8

Try to see the screaming as his frustration because he is not yet able to communicate. Could you try teaching him Makaton? This is basic sign language which many children find easy to pick up. If his language is delayed this will help a lot. Once he understands how to have his needs met, the screaming should improve. Seek advice from a speech and language therapist if not.

ah I feel for you Op. He sounds strong willed and like he has learnt that screaming works. Gently Op it does work and it’s only reinforcing it. I had a screamer. I literally had to stop jumping to attention when they did it and tell them no screaming and they didn’t get it till they stopped screaming. My DD at about 3 used to announce to me in shops I want this. If I said no she’d look at me and say well I’ll just start screaming with a smug manic glint. Very hard on big shops and I’d give in and felt terribly trapped but what I did after that was purposefully take her out when actually I could just drop the basket and march her out furiously. It did the trick!
When in house don’t give in till he stops screaming. Also take him out a few places where he’s liable to try screaming to get his way but you can just march him out of there. When he starts to stop screaming or gets to stage where you can say don’t scream and he does stop then reward that behaviour. Doesn’t have to be anything massive - even just a hug and a well done.
Hopefully it’ll fix it for you!

You have answered your on question you give in. First don't give in he will get the message eventually. Don't say no if foe example he wants a biscuit say I can give you apple or banana choose one.

I highly recommend you listen to audio book 'No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame' by Janet Lansbury
It really helped me improve as a parent and completely changed my outlook on my toddlers behavior and my reactions to it, and my relationship has improved with her because of this.

Full sympathy.

Mine is 5 and still does this. The whining...all day, every day.
If I say no, wait, in a minute...they scream.
Playing a their game goes wrong/bricks break ect, screams.
Needs a drink...screams.
Tired...screams.

I have a permanent headache and am frankly miserable.
Their sibling is able to communicate their needs but this child's go to method is to scream.

So I really do feel for you. Unfortunately can't offer advice or solutions. Mine is being assessed through school by the sen teacher. We will see.

Does he do it with just you or with other people (e.g. nursery or CM) too?

There's nothing wrong with a 2 year old being pushed in a buggy. If it means you get a nice walk and some peace then do it - go somewhere where there are things for him to look at and have a nice time with him x

You said yorself '....until I give in'.

He knows it works. Sometimes it takes longer but he knows that eventually it will work. Holding the line is the only way. It gets worse before it gets better but the trick is to reward the good behaviour after he stops and no reaction at all to the screaming. No begging or hugging, no anger, just no reaction.

If no to a biscuit results in screaming, hold the No until he stops. Then would you like an apple or banana?

Takes a wee while but worth it.

How are his words? My DD was awful for screeching until she was able to talk, it must have been frustration at being unable to express herself. Don't get me wrong, they all default to crying when they're overtired and mad, and can't connect the dots to saying what they want, ours still do years later. We found that telling her "use your words" and not engaging helped, and also sign language until she was able to get the words in place.

What consequence does he get for screaming?

You need to teach him "indoor voices" and reward him when he uses a quiet voice.

Punishment for screaming and do not do what he wants - all you are doing is teaching him that screaming gets him what he wants. You need to put a stop to it now or he'll end up a very stubborn, spoilt child who will run rings around you.

Make sure that he asks nicely, calmly and quietly when he wants something. Give him lots of praise. Then a consequence, a firm no if he screams.

My little boy was sooo similar to this I used to call him a hurricane as the pure stress and destruction his presence would cause! When he turned 2 everything changed for me (i used to leave the room when he really wouldn’t stop) however he suddenly became calmer less emotional and less hysterical. The amount of times I used to cry and say my ears are hurting from all the screaming I can totally relate, but now he’s 4 and he’s the CALMEST boy, I changed nothing he just grew out of it. I know exactly how you’re feeling but from my experience it just faded away from 2 onwards!

How is his speech and language understanding?

Have you tried, no screaming, say ‘mummy I want the bread please’ etc ?

When our DC was a toddler I followed advice to say ‘mummy can’t understand you when you say it like that’ (whining / screaming). I’d scrunch up my face, tilt my head like I was listening intently and then say ‘hmm, no, I still can’t understand. Can you say it again in a normal voice?’ It really worked.

He's over tired and over stimulated. Get in a good sleep routine, and life will improve dramatically. I trained in Early Years many years ago and nearly all the behaviour problems we had were from over tired kids.

I didn't have many rules with ours, but the bedtime routine was set in stone and our DC always slept in their own beds.

Expecting to try this technique again when we reach teenage years!

I had/have one of those. He still does it a bit at 3y 3m but since his speech has improved it’s a bit less and I don’t feel like throwing myself out the window as much as I used to.

My DS basically has two modes - happy and loving to the extreme - or the world is ending, screaming and tantrum. Sending all the sympathy, I know it’s so hard. We may investigate possible SEN down the road but there are little chinks of light these days so I’m hopeful we’re coming to the end of it.

When I had him on my own at that age (without his older very placid sister!) I often had AirPods in to distract from the insane overstimulation of the noise.