Punching walls and furniture

[Neuroticmillenial]

Is it always a red flag or just a way for men to vent their anger?

What if they don’t do it in front of you but tell you about it later?

Wondering if I’m overreacting to a situation …

Not for me unnecessary behaviour

It’s a huge red flag. They have serious anger problems!!

Lack of control of emotions - always a red flag.

Also, thinks that's an appropriate way to deal with intense emotions if he tells you about it - also a problem.

IMO it's always a red flag - if he is telling you about it, he's telling you to expect it.
It's the boiling frog scenario.

It’s a huge red flag. I bet he doesn’t do it to his boss. And I very much hope you would say to your daughter that it is dangerous behaviour.

Walls and doors now, next it will be the wall beside your head and after that is you. He has started training you to accept the abuse.

It’s time to run and never look back.

Red flag. I haven't voted as it's not clear which vote means what.

Unless they are prepared to get therapy because they can only process emotions as anger and violence, yes it’s a red flag.

If they can’t control their rage, they’re dangerous. If they can control it and they’re choosing to vent like that, they’re a horrible idiot. Either way, set your bar higher.

Run, fast & far & don't look back......this will be just one example of truly narcissistic behaviour - it WILL escalate.
Speaking from personal experience that has affected me my whole life since.

Of course it’s out of order. If he did it in work he’d get the sack, so why would it be acceptable at home?

Does he do this at work? In the supermarket? In front of a police officer? The answer is no so they can control how they vent their anger and frustration. He should learn new coping methods for his anger, far, far away from you or any other human.

It is incredibly dangerous. He is telling you this to see if you would tolerate it. You must not. Leave this one alone and find a more stable chap.

Even the phrasing of your question is concerning. You're implying that it's ok for men to behave badly because they're men.
Men should be held to exactly the same standards as women.

When I was in student halls one of the other blokes there lost his temper about something and punched a hole in the kitchen wall. Two weeks later he punched my then boyfriend in the face and nearly blinded him, over a difference of opinion about a grill pan!

Beware, it always escalates.

It's always a red flag.

And if he's telling you about it now, it's a test of your boundaries.

He will go on to do it in front of you and in my view, it's never limited to buildings. He will frighten and intimidate you.

Even if he "doesn't mean any harm" and "would never hurt you" its a learned behaviour which benefits him by frightening others into modifying their behaviour so as not to upset him.

I cannot even fathom having someone like that near me, it makes my skin crawl.

No, never OK. Not an acceptable way to deal with anger. And, at some point, if not already, there will be a person on the end of it.

Also not sure why not doing it in front of you but telling you is better. The only possible reason to tell someone is to frighten and intimidate. If they realise it's unacceptable behaviour, they wouldn't tell.

Very performative and a huge red flag

"Grrr, look at how very angry I am. And hard"

Yabu to question it

Huge red flag, indicates a massive anger issue.

I think you are massively UNDER-reacting. Personally I would have nothing more to do with that person. They sound incredibly angry / violent / dangerous.

Red flag. He isn't a man who has learned to channel his anger properly

^^ This
They always manage to keep it in when it counts don’t they.
Toss him back OP, he’s unstable.

Always a red flag. Men don't have some special amount or type of anger that requires violence to dissipate it. Men who punch things are violent men. "Don't date violent men" should be the number one rule of who not to date.

I smashed a dustpan once. It was incredibly satisfying. It didn’t lead to violence. I think a lots of people chuck things on the floor or do things like hit their tennis racquet on the ground.

Punching things really hurts so it would concern me more as it is losing control to a greater extent. People have different levels of anger at different stages of life so it isn’t always totally obvious when it is really worrying.

Iv punched walls a few times im a woman iv never laid a finger on another human being ever