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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Car seat detective

12 replies

YourJadeDeer · 27/08/2025 08:41

My partner's car is in the mechanics so he has to borrow mine now and again. Last night he wanted to take my car to go to the gym at a family members house, he came back later, said he was exhausted and went to get a shower. This morning I went out to take my eldest daughter to work, she's very tall so I noticed when she got in that her passenger seat was pulled forward. I asked her if it was like that yesterday and she said yes but she put it back again. I therefore go straight to thinking that my partner has had someone else in my car. I ask him this morning and his answer is " no" and when I ask him again he said was it from the previous day when his tall son was in the car, I said no as I had picked my daughter up from work in the evening before he borrowed my car for the gym, then he gave the most unplausable explanation, he said "no, I tell a lie, I moved the car seat forward to put chocolate bars on." I'm dumbfounded by the all the answers he gave to me. Am I being unreasonable for thinking he had someone else in my car?

OP posts:
YourJadeDeer · 27/08/2025 09:08

To make things stranger after he got ready for work and came downstairs he was angry with me and wouldn't talk. When I had asked him about the passenger seat I wasn't angry or demanding, I was calm but wanted an explanation. Does his behaviour seem suspicious?

OP posts:
scrimblescramble · 27/08/2025 09:13

I would be suspicious OP, doesn't sound good.

Swiftie1878 · 27/08/2025 09:17

Where are the chocolate bars?
Why would he move the seat forward for his “tall” son?

Doesn’t sound good. Why would he be lying?!
Is he planning a surprise for you? Or more likely to be up to no good?

YourJadeDeer · 27/08/2025 09:46

Swiftie1878 · 27/08/2025 09:17

Where are the chocolate bars?
Why would he move the seat forward for his “tall” son?

Doesn’t sound good. Why would he be lying?!
Is he planning a surprise for you? Or more likely to be up to no good?

He did bring lots of snack diet chocolate bars back home with him but I thought it was an odd statement and I wouldn't move the seat myself for shopping items. Yes, I know, the statement about his taller son moving the seat forward sent alarm bells off in my head. He's been up to no good, I suspect.

OP posts:
YourJadeDeer · 27/08/2025 09:48

scrimblescramble · 27/08/2025 09:13

I would be suspicious OP, doesn't sound good.

Yes, I'm very suspicious now. I didn't want to jump to conclusions but I think something's going on.

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Swiftie1878 · 27/08/2025 14:37

YourJadeDeer · 27/08/2025 09:46

He did bring lots of snack diet chocolate bars back home with him but I thought it was an odd statement and I wouldn't move the seat myself for shopping items. Yes, I know, the statement about his taller son moving the seat forward sent alarm bells off in my head. He's been up to no good, I suspect.

I’m so sorry. That’s so depressing ☹️

Lmnop22 · 27/08/2025 14:41

I was gonna say you were crazy until I heard his excuse… I have never moved a car seat to accommodate groceries.

Could you just casually ask the family member whose house he went to something like “did DH leave his water bottle in your gym?” Or something to try and figure out if he’s been there at all?

I’m afraid his moody reaction sounds like an attempt to gaslight you

Comedyusername · 27/08/2025 14:47

Can you put an airtag in your car and see where he goes in it?

YourJadeDeer · 27/08/2025 14:57

Lmnop22 · 27/08/2025 14:41

I was gonna say you were crazy until I heard his excuse… I have never moved a car seat to accommodate groceries.

Could you just casually ask the family member whose house he went to something like “did DH leave his water bottle in your gym?” Or something to try and figure out if he’s been there at all?

I’m afraid his moody reaction sounds like an attempt to gaslight you

That's a good idea, though the family member would probably cover for him if he wasn't there last night. Yeah, I took his moodiness as a sign he has done something. If he was telling me the truth about the chocolate etc I think he would have been acting his normal self this morning instead of giving off grumpy/hostile vibes. He hasn't texted me all day either.

OP posts:
YourJadeDeer · 27/08/2025 14:59

Comedyusername · 27/08/2025 14:47

Can you put an airtag in your car and see where he goes in it?

I was thinking along the same lines, I'll order one.

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Lmnop22 · 27/08/2025 15:03

YourJadeDeer · 27/08/2025 14:57

That's a good idea, though the family member would probably cover for him if he wasn't there last night. Yeah, I took his moodiness as a sign he has done something. If he was telling me the truth about the chocolate etc I think he would have been acting his normal self this morning instead of giving off grumpy/hostile vibes. He hasn't texted me all day either.

This is why you must devise a question where it won’t be obvious your trying to catch him out. Like “what day was it that DH was at your gym? Trying to work out if he left my AirPods there because I haven’t seen them since Sunday when he borrowed them” or something.

YourJadeDeer · 27/08/2025 15:13

Lmnop22 · 27/08/2025 15:03

This is why you must devise a question where it won’t be obvious your trying to catch him out. Like “what day was it that DH was at your gym? Trying to work out if he left my AirPods there because I haven’t seen them since Sunday when he borrowed them” or something.

Yeah, I get what you're saying, I'll need to think about what to ask them as I rarely message them so I don't want it to seem off. I'm not looking forward to him returning home after work.

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