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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask

4 replies

hasitreallybeenthatlong · 27/08/2025 01:48

My co parent and I’s relationship has deteriorated over the last few months, it started off great we do 55/45 we would go out of our way to help each other out on days the other had work commitments and it was always agreed that we would ask the other parent before going to family ( due to to age of parents) however we are both seeing other people and the co parenting relationship has become strained.

Co parent doesn’t have enough leave to cover half terms now as he has used it all, he since posed a question how would I feel about his partner looking after our child, they live separately so I was taken aback this was even an option (they have been dating just under a year however they are old friends of many years) I have tried to express I would like to have our son in the first instance as this is what we agreed, however it feels as tho what we agreed isn’t in place anymore but he hasn’t ever communicated this. I expressed I wasn’t comfortable with it and if need to give it thought as he had dropped it on me during pickup when I was rushing to get out the door to make an appointment. On that same day I found out when our son mentioned he had spent some time one on one with his girlfriend without the dad, so really the decision was already made. We have been back and forward in messages and it’s at the point I understand if this is the way forward there’s nothing I can do about it, however I have a number of concerns I want to put to him and a little bit of clarification on a couple of things but the main issue is I know this girl has suffered very badly with an eating disorder and as a mum I am worried how this may affect her in caring for our child and want it to be acknowledged that this is a concern - Aibu to raise this as one of my concern?

OP posts:
MyGreyStork · 27/08/2025 02:01

What’s her having an eating disorder got to do with looking after your son? What are your concerns exactly?

hasitreallybeenthatlong · 27/08/2025 02:06

It’s more the physical side affects, my understanding is it has at times been very bad and if it is affecting her physically ( dizziness/ fainting) also behaviours around food which can be learnt when our son copies everything at the moment, when she is one on one with our son I feel I need to raise it as a concern, if he comes back and says yes however she is absolutely fine and it’s on record I raised it as a concern of mine rather than sitting here knowing about it and not acknowledging it.

OP posts:
MyGreyStork · 27/08/2025 02:12

hasitreallybeenthatlong · 27/08/2025 02:06

It’s more the physical side affects, my understanding is it has at times been very bad and if it is affecting her physically ( dizziness/ fainting) also behaviours around food which can be learnt when our son copies everything at the moment, when she is one on one with our son I feel I need to raise it as a concern, if he comes back and says yes however she is absolutely fine and it’s on record I raised it as a concern of mine rather than sitting here knowing about it and not acknowledging it.

What eating disorder does she have? And where are you getting the information from that she’s fainting and feels dizzy? Your ex? Lots of parents have eating disorders and are able to parent their child and have no issues feeding them.

smallpinecone · 27/08/2025 02:27

What he chooses to do during his time with the child is up to him. He’s an adult, he’s the child’s parent and has a perfect right to leave his child with his girlfriend if he so wishes. If he judges her to be a competent, safe caregiver, that’s all there is to it.

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