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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird situation this evening... can't shake it.

53 replies

Idontknownowwhat · 27/08/2025 00:05

I went to A&E with my teen daughter this evening. I got out and realised that there were people sat in a car.
The driver said something that seemed too loud to be to the person next to them. So I glanced the direction of the car. The man in the drivers seat then said something else and I thought maybe he's asking for details on the parking or something- there's been work going on around the hospital so I know I was a bit confused when I arrived.

So I go back towards his car, and he says "Do you know where to get an abortion?"
I didn't answer at this point because I certainly wasn't expecting that question.
He then follows up with, she's 9 months pregnant. She wants an abortion. At this point I look at the passenger seat, an obviously pregnant woman.

I say...do you mean somewhere to give birth? The maternity area is the other side of the hospital.

He says no, abortion. She doesn't want to have the baby.

I replied, but I'm not sure that's possible. In this country abortions aren't really given to women past 24 weeks.

He replies, how many months. I said, 6?

He says well who do we speak to about this abortion at 9 months?

I say, I'm not sure, the entrance to A&E is there, I'm sure they can have a conversation with her about her pregnancy.

He then shuts his car door, not looking best pleased.

Turns his car around and exits the hospital car park.

....I've not been able to shake how strange this was and how quickly he moved his car from that conversation. By the time I thought, I should maybe get his reg no, he was gone.

I've asked my family this evening whether I should have called the police, and they've all said no, but we're all neurodivergent so I'm thinking maybe none of us are reacting in the correct way.

But I feel like there's a baby at risk, and even if I was to call the police in the morning, if they were concerned enough to chase this up, there are cameras right opposite the exit of the hospital. Maybe they could find where the cars registered.

OP posts:
JMSA · 27/08/2025 04:39

I think he was a weirdo hell-bent on shocking a woman. Could be for a sexual kick … nothing surprises me anymore, especially when it comes to men.
He’s at a hospital and knows full well that he can go inside to enquire. He doesn’t need to be asking a random woman in the car park.
And what a shocker that it’s a woman he chooses to ask 🙄
Although it screams hoax to me, the outcome still isn’t good for the woman and child. So you’d be doing the right thing by contacting the police.

spoonbillstretford · 27/08/2025 04:43

JustMyView13 · 27/08/2025 04:30

Abortion is (almost always) illegal at 9 months and so if there is a crime about to take place you should report it.
That said, in hindsight you over involved yourself in the appropriateness of an abortion in this situation. I think after the first time I would’ve directed them to A&E stating the abortion clinic is in there, speak to reception and they’ll book you in. As far as little white lies go, it may have got the lady to a place of safety.

Edited

The most important thing is the safety of the woman, not concern over fhe legality of the abortion. Sounds like you dealt with it well, and calmly, OP, well done.

spoonbillstretford · 27/08/2025 04:46

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 27/08/2025 04:06

I agree in hindsight it would have been wonderful but OP has said she is ND and with that sometimes comes the inability to read others intentions.

I think she was simply the wrong person at the right time so the best thing she can do now is pass it on the police.

Show quote history

Why the wrong person? She gave them calm and factual information and did very well.

Original poster
Idontknownowwhat · 27/08/2025 05:18

Thank you all for your advice.
I appreciate my reaction to him was not great. I'm a helpful person and I think I sometimes struggle to see the nuance in things, I just answer people's questions on the spot then think about it later.

I have reported online, but will follow up later today as I'll pass the local police HQ so I'll just speak to them quickly so they are aware of the report and can deal with it quicker.

I wish I'd have just got in my car and had DD phone the police and got their number plate. I remember how the police managed to find my car so easily when my car was cloned, so that'd have been possible.

I'm going to go to the A&E today to just make them aware of what happened, and I'll try and pop into the maternity ward too as it's really close and I know a few of the midwives- it's all too late, but hopefully I'll be able to make some difference.

Strangely my first thought was the babies who were abandoned in London, and if that might be a similar situation.

Thanks all

OP posts:
everythingthelighttouches · 27/08/2025 05:19

Hindsight is useless, so it is better to focus on current and future actions and support those, than knock the OP’s confidence.

I don’t know what I would have done in that situation OP, but it is not wasting police time to call them now.

HoppingPavlova · 27/08/2025 05:29

Hindsight is useless, so it is better to focus on current and future actions and support those, than knock the OP’s confidence

It’s got nothing to do with knocking anyone’s confidence ffs. It’s about general education, for everyone reading the thread, that if confronted with a similar circumstance (albeit likely different detail), then there’s a better course of action. It’s never inappropriate to provide this type of general education to a wider audience, that’s the intent.

everythingthelighttouches · 27/08/2025 05:33

HoppingPavlova · 27/08/2025 05:29

Hindsight is useless, so it is better to focus on current and future actions and support those, than knock the OP’s confidence

It’s got nothing to do with knocking anyone’s confidence ffs. It’s about general education, for everyone reading the thread, that if confronted with a similar circumstance (albeit likely different detail), then there’s a better course of action. It’s never inappropriate to provide this type of general education to a wider audience, that’s the intent.

You’re right. Point taken.

SparklyGlitterballs · 27/08/2025 06:45

It's all very well to say "you should have done this...", but with the OPs ND aside, you have to remember that she was heading into A&E with her DD. No-one goes there for fun, so there was obviously something happening in OPs life that was a stressor. We aren't always thinking straight when there's something else going on and we don't have the benefit of sitting behind a keyboard, relaxed, thinking hmm, how might I have dealt with that? We act on impulse. In the same situation I would have been worrying about getting inside to get treatment and also fretting about the potential queues and long wait times, so caught off guard I may also have blurted something not ideal out rather than have thought strategically.

Thebigonesgetaway · 27/08/2025 06:51

Strangely my first thought was the babies who were abandoned in London, and if that might be a similar situation

this was my first thought as well op, and am surprised everyone jumped to trafficked woman, generally they are just dumped, I would have assumed this is a very vulnerable woman in a domestic abuse situation, and yes there is a baby at risk, as well as the mother herself.

Thefuture2025 · 27/08/2025 06:57

I think he was just being a knob and winding you up. Sounds like he was having a row with the woman. Maybe she was saying something like, I don't want your baby, and he started giving it the biggun to you asking where she could get an abortion. He sounds nasty, but this would be my take and the only reason I'd get the police on him would be to embarass him and make him panic over his stupid behaviour.

Dolphinnoises · 27/08/2025 07:01

I don’t believe I am ND but let’s face it, everyone handles a situation better 10 minutes after it happened. The OP had an unexpected and shocking encounter when she was focused on her DD. I don’t think I’d have said any different.

Strawber · 27/08/2025 07:01

Hi op I just read you have reported this I’m so glad you did. I’m a social work and even if they was something blown out of proportion by the man at least this woman can be spoken to check she’s ok and linked in with medical services and safe.

Simplelobsterhat · 27/08/2025 07:10

Thefuture2025 · 27/08/2025 06:57

I think he was just being a knob and winding you up. Sounds like he was having a row with the woman. Maybe she was saying something like, I don't want your baby, and he started giving it the biggun to you asking where she could get an abortion. He sounds nasty, but this would be my take and the only reason I'd get the police on him would be to embarass him and make him panic over his stupid behaviour.

That was my first thought as surely he wouldn't be drawing attention to himself if it was trafficking etc. However, still best to check with police just in case, and in case this is part of a pattern of abuse.

And I dont think being nd has anything to do with op not being sure what to do - it was a very strange conversation to get your head around quickly in a short time before he drove off. I think most people would have struggled to think how to react in the moment.

JustMyView13 · 27/08/2025 07:18

spoonbillstretford · 27/08/2025 04:43

The most important thing is the safety of the woman, not concern over fhe legality of the abortion. Sounds like you dealt with it well, and calmly, OP, well done.

Show quote history

Quite, but they left the hospital. How exactly is that lady safe if it isn’t reported? If he cannot get a legal abortion for the lady, you realise what he might do - right? Reporting it is the best way to guarantee her safety, and given it’s illegal the police will 100% be interested.

PeugoTina · 27/08/2025 07:51

My take is that this is an abusive relationship and the man drove the pregnant woman to the hospital and asked a random person about abortion to humiliate and petrify his partner. Or trafficking.

Did the woman seem very young? Was there a big age gap? Did they sound British?

Jellyjellyonaplate · 27/08/2025 08:05

That's great you've reported to the police online and will go in locally later today to reinforce that.

Calling the hospital safeguarding team would be a lot more helpful than popping into A and E or maternity. At best all they could do would be to call safeguarding and it would be a diluted message compared to you calling them yourself. And more than likely they'd not get round to passing on the message.

If you put which hospital it is we can help you find the right number for hospital safeguarding?

familyissues12345 · 27/08/2025 08:12

I would suggest the safeguarding team at the hospital too, they will share the info to maternity etc . Well done op, sounds frightening x

glassesandbeer · 27/08/2025 08:31

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 27/08/2025 04:06

I agree in hindsight it would have been wonderful but OP has said she is ND and with that sometimes comes the inability to read others intentions.

I think she was simply the wrong person at the right time so the best thing she can do now is pass it on the police.

Show quote history

Oh come on. This is nothing to do with being ND. I think practically everyone would have reacted in the same way at OP.

We don't react with our calm after-the-event ' oh I wish I had said' brains.

Especially when utterly unexpected and weird situations like this are thrown at us.

I think nearly everyone, if not everyone, would have said, ' but that's not legal.'

My guess is he is an abusive man psychologically abusing the woman by saying this. Possibly he has heard pregnancy up to birth has been decriminalised and he is threatening to force her to kill her unborn, wanted, baby.

AmbrosiusRex · 27/08/2025 08:37

Foofedifiknow · 27/08/2025 00:09

Sounds like a super vulnerable possibly trafficked lady - call police.

Agree 100%. I used to work in law enforcement and we'd see similar patterns of behaviour in trafficking/domestic servitude situations. I'd contact the police, very dodgy.

usedtobeaylis · 27/08/2025 08:38

I think it's probably more normal to think there's a miscommunication or that you don't quite know what they mean than to think someone is really trying to openly in a car park procure an abortion for a full-term pregnant woman. You've done the right thing in listening to your gut now telling you that you might be able to do something, and that's all that could be asked of anybody.

butterpuffed · 27/08/2025 08:38

Aside from anything else , why did you stop to talk to him if you and you DD were going to A&E , or does one of you work there ?

StupidRules · 27/08/2025 08:49

I would have gone back into the hospital and reported it. I'm fairly sure they would call the police. I'd have taken a photo of the car registration and done my best (without risking my own safety) to photograph the people in the car as well. I don't know whether you've mentioned this elsewhere on the thread or not but I am going to assume these people were not British.

Flamingoknees · 27/08/2025 09:21

You're caring and you've done something about it OP.
Many wouldn't, so well done.

Naunet · 27/08/2025 14:33

Thebigonesgetaway · 27/08/2025 06:51

Strangely my first thought was the babies who were abandoned in London, and if that might be a similar situation

this was my first thought as well op, and am surprised everyone jumped to trafficked woman, generally they are just dumped, I would have assumed this is a very vulnerable woman in a domestic abuse situation, and yes there is a baby at risk, as well as the mother herself.

They are not always dumped at all, and it's dangerous to make such assumptions. I was recently on a hospital ward with a woman who turned out to have been trafficked, a man who didn't even know her name, was standing 'guard' over her the whole time and trying to get her discharged, until the nurses called the police, then he scarpered.

Original poster
Idontknownowwhat · 27/08/2025 17:43

Sorry replies are sparse, I had to leave the house by 9 with all 3 of my kids...have just stopped!

I will contact safeguarding, I just thought (hoped!) That maybe contacting each department would have triggered their
Safeguarding leads of each department but that was me imagining a hierarchy of each department that probably doesn't even exist.

We were on our way out of the A&E, so I thought I was being helpful to someone who had just arrived. I was in a pretty good mood having made it out in 2 hours and 45 minutes including xray and treatment.

Also, no they were not British but I'd have assumed settled here for quite some time.

I've been to the local police HQ and reported what happened. They didn't seem too interested but have taken my contact details.

OP posts:
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