Husband messaging prostitutes

[Pinkpencils22]

My husband was trying to link a laptop with his phone and when he did, some messages he had sent to prostitutes 2 years ago came up. On the day in question, myself and my son were away, he was drinking heavily with friends for hours at our house and had presumably been encouraged by one of his friends as it was asking for prostitutes for 2 men. He says it was a cheap thrill, has never cheated blah blah and as far as I can see from the messages, didn’t go through with it. I’ve read lots and lots of threads on MN with stories of similar and obviously everyone says STI test and leave them. Playing devils advocate, has anyone had their husband do this and stay with them? What was the outcome? Maybe I’m hopeful / naive / stupid but I actually don’t think he did go through with it - I feel completely betrayed and hurt at it all but don’t think he would actually pay for sex.

Sorry OP, that sucks! Did you just find out? We're they clearly the only messages in the thread/app/whatever? Is he at least remorseful/ashamed?

Yes I’ve only just found out. He’s very remorseful - saying it was a stupid drunken mistake etc and that he’s really sorry etc.

Why does it matter whether he went through with it or not?

The fact is, he was so serious about fucking a sex worker that he tried to arrange to do so.

The outcome is irrelevant.

And it's also irrelevant whether his friend encouraged him or he encouraged his friend.

My ex did similar, and I stayed initially and we did counselling etc but then it turned out he was just hiding it better at which point I did leave. Every situation is different but I think getting an sti test would still be important at the very least for your peace of mind.

I'd also personally want to go through the phone and I'd be looking at call records and bank statements etc, anything I could get my hands on to see if this is ongoing behaviour or two friends being drunk and immature. Either way, he's acted badly and has shaken your trust in him and it's now his responsibility to earn that trust back through actions rather than words.

and had presumably been encouraged by one of his friends as it was asking for prostitutes for 2 men

Your husband is the problem. Not his friend.

Stop blaming his friends, this is your husband’s doing. My friend found out her dad who appeared a nice family man visited prostitutes when she was younger. I remember her mum telling her she had a STI and was oblivious to his shenanigans. My friend never told her mother the truth and the mother stayed in denial. The marriage didn’t last much longer and my friend’s relationship with her dad was never the same.

The friend is a serial cheater the whole of his marriage (to the point of fathering children outside of his marriage) so ordering prostitutes to him probably is fairly ordinary.

Sorry OP but you can usually judge a man by the friends he has. If the friend is a serial cheater then your H obviously has no moral objections to cheating or else he wouldn't be his friend. Your H at the very least will have have enabled his friend in his cheating in the past.

I don't see how your H ordering 2 prostitutes for 2 men - reducing these women to the status of a takeaway meal - has come out of nowhere. I think you need to assume this isnt the first time your H and his friend have gone down the route of seeking sex when on a night out together.

I'm really sorry OP but i dont see how you can trust you H after discovering buying women for sex is something he is up for when he has had a drink .

You can judge people by the friends they keep. If one of my mates was like this, I would ditch them. My thought process is - if you can do that to your spouse and betray them with ease, what the fuck could you do to me? If your husband still associates with this man, then he’s no saint - wake up and take off the rose tinted glasses.

men who respect and love their partners would tell their gross, cheating friends to fuck off if this disgusting behaviour was suggested.
what the fuck.

I can’t imagine a scenario where ‘all there is’ to this story is a couple of messages to prostitutes. Nobody is doing that as a one-off out of the blue interaction, taking it no further and then never doing it again. And if they do, they are deleting that from their laptop never to be seen again. What you saw, were the messages he didn’t realise were on there. He’s kicking himself. He was drunk, and must’ve forgotten to clear his history / browse in private mode. He’s confident you’ll find nothing else, so he’s sticking with the one-off story for now.