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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Kids party - awkward one

21 replies

Janch13 · 26/08/2025 22:53

I have a group of mum friends from our NCT days. We aren’t just play-date friends, we are a group in our own right and a lot of the times we get together is without the kids. As the children are all school age now, and attend various different schools, we naturally see less of each other.

I don’t want to do a big party this year and have booked an activity party (think laser tag type of thing) at the request of my child. It’s expensive, and limited to a group of 10. We have invited cousins and some school friends. He has asked for one of the children from the NCT group, a boy he is particularly friendly with and attended pre-school with, to come, but not the others. When I said “what about XYZ” listing the others he said “meh” and even “who??” about one of them.

I don’t have space left to invite all of the kids in the group, plus I do just want to follow my son’s lead and invite the real friends he wants to have at his birthday party. But I feel so awkward (and kinda sneaky!) just inviting one of them. Plus I’m worried the mums will turn on me and feel like their kid has been excluded.

For context, in previous years we’ve had big parties where the kids run around and are kept happy by an entertainer or bouncy castles while the parents stand around chatting drinking Prosecco. But I just don’t have it in me for organising that this year and also I think they’ve outgrown that now.

I’m already breaking the cardinal rule of not inviting all 25 kids in the class (which I don’t really care about!) and I do just want to give my child the birthday bash they’ve asked for, but I’m worried about backlash from my mum group if I invite one and not all of them.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 26/08/2025 22:56

This probably isn't the right thing to do, but in all honesty, to keep the peace I'd not invite him and just tell my DC that he couldn't make it.

If you've got it in you I'd then organise a playdate/meet-up with a simple party tea and a cake for the NCT group.

Allswellthatendswelll · 26/08/2025 22:58

Honestly I think it's fine. Once they are at different schools and old enough to choose their own friends parties change. You can still be friends with the Mum's independently. They get invited to so many parties at this age I'm sure most parents are happy for the Saturday off!

CherrieTomaties · 26/08/2025 22:59

I would put my child and his wishes first.

You would be incredibly selfish to do otherwise. Your sons birthday is about HIM, not your friendship group.

modgepodge · 26/08/2025 23:01

This really is so fine I can’t believe you’re even questioning it. Maybe ask the other mum to keep quiet about it and not make a big song and dance (not actually lie, but not mention to the others), but if anyone asks just say you had a small group and your son chose mostly friends from school. It’s natural as they get older that parties get smaller and they choose the kids, not you!

Twothurty · 26/08/2025 23:03

If your NCT mums are normal decent people they will get it. Friendships change as the kids age. Stick with your plan, it will be fine. Plan a drinks night soon with the mums if it will help avoid lingering awkwardness

casualcrispenjoyer · 26/08/2025 23:04

Tbh I would just own it. Invite the NCT child that your DS is close to, and if it comes up in a group setting ‘yeah, we were limited with all the school friends- but DS specifically wanted Kevin to come….’ and move swiftly onwards.

you honestly don’t have anything to apologise for here

waitingforbaby90 · 26/08/2025 23:04

YABU to be worried - unless it’s a very childish insecure friend group, no one should have a problem with your kid inviting his own friends to his own birthday party?!

Janch13 · 26/08/2025 23:12

Ok phew I think I was overthinking it.

I’m really working on not being such a people pleaser but I have had bad experiences with groups of women previously that I think I get nervous about situations like this.

Thanks for the responses

OP posts:
Hedgehogbrown · 26/08/2025 23:17

Well if they are not actually in high school and are grown ass women then they shouldn't really care or 'turn on you'. This whole idea that women behave like this is so damaging. Women and their offspring are allowed to see each other one to one without everyone coming along. You aren't children.

PollyBell · 26/08/2025 23:17

I want friends kids to have the party they want even if it does not include my child I dont get all this mummy politics issues thing, kids have a party and parents make it about themselves no wonder kids seem not to be able to cope in life if this is the way their parents act

DahliaJug · 26/08/2025 23:19

This really isn’t at all awkward. There’s a natural diminution of party numbers as children get older.

GoAwayAutumn · 26/08/2025 23:27

How old are the kids? If they are 5 this is much more of an issue then if they are 11? How many other boys are in the group? Have any of the others celebrated birthdays in this way or have you all done everything together?

You aren't doing anything wrong but I agree it could be worth handling carefully as to not cause upset. This does become much more common as they get older.

LostMySocks · 26/08/2025 23:31

In our NCT group once the kids reached school age and small parties we started doing a Christmas/NY get together with a secret Santa gift for the kids. Meant we could still celebrate bit acknowledge that the kids all develop their own friends.
We did a couple of joint bigger birthdays too.

RuralStyleless · 26/08/2025 23:49

Just message the NCT group and apologise you could only invite one kid in addition to school friends and no snubs intended. It will be fine! Hiding it will only make you look guilty.

Janch13 · 26/08/2025 23:49

GoAwayAutumn · 26/08/2025 23:27

How old are the kids? If they are 5 this is much more of an issue then if they are 11? How many other boys are in the group? Have any of the others celebrated birthdays in this way or have you all done everything together?

You aren't doing anything wrong but I agree it could be worth handling carefully as to not cause upset. This does become much more common as they get older.

They are 5-6. If I had space to invite them all I would just to keep the peace but I don’t.

OP posts:
Janch13 · 26/08/2025 23:50

casualcrispenjoyer · 26/08/2025 23:04

Tbh I would just own it. Invite the NCT child that your DS is close to, and if it comes up in a group setting ‘yeah, we were limited with all the school friends- but DS specifically wanted Kevin to come….’ and move swiftly onwards.

you honestly don’t have anything to apologise for here

I’m planning on following this approach.

OP posts:
RockyRogue1001 · 26/08/2025 23:51

First answer nails it, as they so often do.

RockyRogue1001 · 26/08/2025 23:53

But also, if you do invite just 1 from the group, expect the others to be incredibly upset n hurt.

It's likely to be the beginning of the end for your group.
Will you be ok with that?

WilliamBell · 26/08/2025 23:57

Janch13 · 26/08/2025 23:49

They are 5-6. If I had space to invite them all I would just to keep the peace but I don’t.

I think at this age I'd invite all or none then. Absolutely fine to invite none. But people will naturally be offended if it's the first time only one child has had an invite to something.

I don't think you have to invite the whole class either, just not most of the class with excluding some.

WilliamBell · 26/08/2025 23:59

The way you word your first post it sounds like they are much older, having grown apart since starting school. But if they're 5 then this has only happened a year ago, so it's pretty fresh really.

Very different if they were 9/10.

PollyBell · 27/08/2025 00:58

WilliamBell · 26/08/2025 23:57

I think at this age I'd invite all or none then. Absolutely fine to invite none. But people will naturally be offended if it's the first time only one child has had an invite to something.

I don't think you have to invite the whole class either, just not most of the class with excluding some.

I know some people make kids parties their whole life but if someone is offended over a kids party they should really work on their own issues instead

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