To think a lot of these ‘days’ benefit no one but the hospitality and gift industry

[YourZanyPlayer]

Reading so many threads on here every year it honestly seems like Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, anniversary’s, etc add at least as much to the sum of peoples unhappiness as they do happiness. It just seems like it creates unnecessary pressure, costs money, exacerbates existing problems in relationships and all round add to the sum of many people’s misery unnecessarily. Surely if people want to do gift giving/treats in their relationships (parent/child, marriage/whatever) then they can do that without there being a ‘day’ making it the social convention that you MUST partake. It just seems like it makes a lot of people feel utterly shit and it becomes an obligatory drain on the bank account. AIBU?

deliberately not posted near the time to avoid feeding any further frenzy about the days.

So you don't think people should celebrate something that is important or fun for them incase somebody gets upset? Surely adults are responsible for their own feelings.

Totally agree. On here it feels like half of posters are strugglong to live and the other half have plenty of money to spend on these types of days as well as hyping up the seasons etc with decorations, special outings, gifts etc .

The commodification is annoying, but some people like them and if you don't want to do it, you can ignore it.

I've never been interested in 'doing' Mother's Day, my mum never wanted it - no one's ever been horrified at this or accused me of not caring about my mum because of it. DH and I might give each other a card on valentines, but sometimes he forgets and I don't really care.

It is a waste of money

If some people can afford something, and enjoy it, then I don't think it's reasonable to suggest they shouldn't celebrate it just because you and/or some other people don't like it. I like taking my mum out for Mother's Day. Yeah, I could treat her at other times too - and I often do! But she loves being made a fuss of on that particular day - not least because she has fond memories of doing that for her own mum back in the day. It's a big deal for her and I'm absolutely delighted to do it for her. I'm not going to stop just because some people don't want to participate; they're grown-ups and they can make their own choices.

I feel that having to be involved I. present-buying can bring pressure and expense. It can be hard to come up with ideas, it can cost people more money than they can afford. I also think that a lot of gifts received are not loved or wanted.

I’ve pared present-exchanging down to the absolute minimum in my house. Immediate family only - husband and kids.

Fully agree OP. Every year for the last 20 years I have had to explain to MIL (with increasing levels of bluntness) that no, I will NOT celebrate mother's day with her because a) she's not my mother and b) I had a severely traumatic childhood due to my own mother who nearly killed me and don't want to think about my mother at all ever.

Wish it would all fuck off and that people would just spontaneously celebrate their loved ones when the mood strikes them, instead of needing some guidance from Clinton's Cards about the "right" way to show you care for someone on the correct dates.

Valentine’s Day…surely the most unromantic day of the year! 😀

Its changed hugely in 20/30 odd years (I can't remember back further) and I blame social media. For example Mothering Sunday was literally church and a bunch of flowers in the 90s.

The mistake is getting sucked into it more than you want to. I think it's nice to (for example) celebrate an anniversary and use it as a reason to go out for a nice meal or similar. But no need for expensive gifts or gushing social media posts.

Agree 100% OP. I don’t celebrate any of the “days” & never have done. In truth I think it’s a load of commercial old tosh. Don’t tend to bother with Christmas either - am not religious so what’s the point? Before anyone accuses me of being joyless - I’m really not. Am sure lots of people would ditch the “days” given half a chance. It’s such massive unnecessary pressure & commercialisation.

I don't think there is a lot of pressure around these "day", you're perfectly able to not participate if you don't want to. Having something to celebrate, even if it's a minor thing, is nice and you don't have to go all over and waste a ton of money. I make smartshow 3d video cards on most of these "days" and call it day, but I do that because it's fun and I like it. I wouldn't if I didn't.

I hate the commercialisation of these days, particularly Christmas which has just become an absolute behemoth and has completely lost the spirit of the season. However, I think people can choose to celebrate them as much or as little as they want or finances allow.

Tbh it’s really not a benefit to the people in hospitality either. Maybe for the people who own the business and are actually receiving the extra money generated but for the random employees all it is is extra work, extra stress and extra hassle. All the while dealing with customers who are often extra rude and demanding and being aware the whole time that you are missing that time with your own families/loved ones.

Agree on the whole though OP, I just don’t bother with most of it anymore!

YABNU. They are increasingly inventing marketing strategies to make us feel bad if we aren't celebrating back to school day, or step-parent day or My Puppy Turns Six Months Old day or whatever.

Children now 'graduate' from nursery to infant school, with gowns and mortar boards and photo shoots. Cake smashes for babies, gender reveal nonsense, week long stag and hen parties. Someone was asking whether she should be doing a balloon arch for her DD's back to school photos this week, because everyone else seems to be making an effort. Pamper Days with mani-pedis for 8 year olds. The developed world has gone nuts for buying into this completely manufactured nonsense. Meanwhile we are all complaining that we've never been poorer and we can't stretch our money to cover food, rent and utilities.

You don't have to get sucked into spending a lot of money. DH and I make really crap (but fun!) cards for each other. You can have a special meal at home if you have candles, table cloth etc. It's the expectation that we have to spend a fortune on things like baby showers and Halloween crap that makes it miserable trying to keep up with other people. But there's no need to do that.

It isn't mandatory to go along with any of it. You can pick and choose the days that you want to mark and how you want to mark them.

We celebrate the stuff that we want to celebrate in our own way. I don't buy into all of the commercial stuff much, but if others want to buy hallmark cards and fancy balloons etc, then that's their choice. Nobody is forcing them.

Yes they massively benefit the hospitality, card and gift industries as well as independent florists and the like - but surely that's a good thing. It gives people employment and overtime in traditionally poorly paid sectors. It is also hugely beneficial to the suppliers of those industries for food, booze, raw materials, laundries and countless others. If these "days" were cancelled, it would have a enormously negative impact on those people and the economy as a whole. I also don't see the harm in buying your Mum a card and a box of Milk Tray on Mother's Day!

DH and I really enjoy celebrating Valentines and our anniversary. We have no children or surviving parents so Mothers/Fathers days are irrelevant to us now, as well as being a bit sad.

That's fair.

And I only ever want books or plants for birthdays, Mother's Day etc. so I don't think I'm personally propping up an industry based on cards, helium balloons etc.

Indeed. I've had many Mother's days, both as a mother and a daughter, but one that stands out is when we had little posies to give our mums made up in Sunday school. This would be over sixty years ago!